Westminster Tories Grooming Young Interns

The applications must be flying in for what is surely the dream job for any fresh-faced young Tory wannabe: election intern at the Cities of London and Westminster Conservative Association. Based in Belgravia, the successful candidate – unpaid, naturally – must be “flexible”, comfortable interacting”, have an “ability to do multiple tasks”, is promised an “intimate understanding” of local politics and, somewhat ominously, that “we are fun”.

Above all else, however, the advert lets it be known it is of the utmost importance that applicants are:

“well-groomed”

Well turned out, dapper young gentlemen only may apply here

Tory MEP Troughers Try to Shut Down Dubrovnik Junket Story

Fourteen Tory MEPs took the gravy train to Croatia last week, recovering from the gruelling Euro election campaign by spending £30,000 on a taxpayer-funded “study day” at Dubrovnik’s luxury 5-star Imperial hotel, enjoying posh nosh and being entertained by world-renowned, and often lingerie-clad cellist, Ana Rucner. Though this time Ana managed to keep her mini-skirt on for her performance. As Guido revealed in the Sun on Sunday, Syed Kamall, the new leader of Tory MEPs in Brussels, only dashed back to London a day early from his “studies” so as not to miss seeing the England-Uruguay match in London. Now the MEPs who went on the jolly have been told to stonewall hacks investigating them living it up on the taxpayer, sending this email to the junketeers:

From: HOLTUM James
Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2014 11:23 AM
To: CALLANAN Martin; ANDREASEN Marta; ATKINS Robert; KIRKHOPE Timothy; VAN ORDEN Geoffrey; FOX Ashley; MCINTYRE Anthea; CAMPBELL BANNERMAN David; FOSTER Jacqueline; ASHWORTH Richard; MCCLARKIN Emma; DUNCAN Ian; FORD Victoria Grace
Cc: FURBISHER John; HOLTUM James
Subject: Study days

Dear Members, you may have seen that you are mentioned as one of the attendees at ECR study days this week.

Our advice is to avoid any unknown numbers for a day or two, but in case you are caught off guard or doorstepped, here is the line that we gave the Mail…

Shutting down stories about wasting taxpayer cash, clearly Brussels has taught them well…

Battle-Scarred Berger Bag-Carrier Honoured By Liz

Guido would like to offer his warmest congratulations to Sheila Murphy, who was bestowed the honour of becoming a Member of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire by Her Majesty in the Queen’s Birthday Honours this weekend. A proud political activist, Sheila offered the most selfless of sacrifices to her Labour Party: devoting her life to becoming a parliamentary assistant to Luciana Berger. Presumably the MBE was for services to bravery and professionalism in the face of grave danger. She deserves all the medals…

PICTURE SPECIAL: Farage’s Top Tory Totty

Gordon Brown declared Nigel Farage to represent the best of British during his Press Gallery lunch this afternoon, telling hacks: “Britain wouldn’t be Britain without Farage with a pint in one hand and a mystery lady in the other”. Well now Guido can solve the mystery…

The blonde with her arm draped around the fun-loving UKIP leader in the (above right) photo is Tess Weeks, privately educated (Haberdashers’ Monmouth) the UCL graduate speaks Russian and Italian, she works as a recruitment consultant with Palm Mason in Canary Wharf. She attended the boozy conference in Malta last week in the course of her work. Guido cannot think why a well-lubricated Nige decided to make friends:

No need for Kirsten, the missus, to worry, there was no 3 a.m. walk back to a hotel room this time however. Tess has a boyfriend and says she is a proud supporter of the Conservative Party…

Bags of Fun at Danczuk’s Deli

=

Guido doesn’t normally do free advertising on the blog, but he thought he would make an exception for Danczuk’s Deli. Rochdale’s finest coffee shop has shelves stacked full of traditional baps, toasties, cakes, paninis, soups, salads and a Miliband-trolling “easier to eat” bacon butty which was helpfully launched after an unfortunate incident involving Ed Miliband.

butty

The deli is run by Labour MP Simon Danczuk’s missus Karen, who is also a Labour councillor in the area. For some reason Karen has been racking up Twitter followers in recent weeks…

WATCH: Penny Mordaunt’s Loyal Address in Full

Well worth a watch if you have a few minutes spare, Penny Mordaunt had the House in stitches this afternoon:

Just in time for the reshuffle…

Not So Lovely Luciana: You Won’t Like Her When She’s Angry
Bossy Berger Gets Through 15 Staffers Since 2010

Luciana Berger’s colleagues were amused to hear she had hosted a round-table summit on “well-being in the workplace” last week. As Guido revealed in yesterday’s Sun column, not so lovely Luciana’s record as a nightmare boss is the stuff of Westminster legend. Berger has had no fewer than 15 assistants since becoming an MP in 2010. They are: Hadyn Belfield, Eve Byrne, Katherine Thompson, Richard Durber, Jason Keen, Geila Alpion, Kaitlyn Degnen, Joe Fortune, Daniel Whittle, Ryan Jones, David Clinton, Rebecca Rowland, Thomas Caygill, Sarah Mills and Sheila Murphy. One bruised aide tells Guido: “She’s the worst of the lot.” The true number could even be higher, as some staffers may not have lasted long enough to be registered. 

If any current or former staffer who has felt Luciana’s wrath would like to talk about their experience, in complete confidence, they can contact Guido’s new hotline for parliamentary staff who have been bullied in the workplace on 0709 284 0531, or at this email address. Discretion guaranteed…

Who does she think she is, David Ruffley?

UPDATE: Luciana tweets:

Don’t say Guido didn’t warn you…

All Grown Up: Tory MP Recreates Baywatch Pose 15 Years On

charlotte

As a 20 year old lifeguard Charlotte Leslie set hearts racing on the beaches of Cornwall in her red swimming costume. Fifteen years later the Tory MP has recreated her Baywatch pose to raise awareness for the lifesavers who protect our coasts. Any money raised goes to the Bude Surf Lifesaving ClubShe’s still got it…

Charlotte Leslie Makes a Splash

leslie

Bristol North West Tory MP Charlotte Leslie’s picture is splashed all over the papers for some reason today. There have been wistful sighs heard in the Guy Newsroom…[…]

+ READ MORE +

HuffPo Has Photo of Couple Having Sex on Front Page

Editor in Chief of Huffington Post UK Carla Buzasi is not impressed with Time magazine for putting a photo of a scantily-clad Beyonce on their front page:

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Guy News Special: BBC Three’s Greatest Hits

BBC Three is no more, it is being axed and aired online only. Guido gives you their greatest hits, all paid for by your licence fee:

Public service broadcasting at its finest…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Real Life Anti-Sex League Oppose #CheckEmTuesday

Predictable po-faced Twitter bores Political Scrapbook and Stella Creasy are ramping the faux outrage meter, whingeing about the Sun admirably using Page 3 to encourage women to check themselves for signs of breast cancer. As the Sun’s Fabulous magazine […]

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Andy Burnham finally repents on the deficit…

“If we are to win back trust we have to start by admitting that we should not have been running a significant deficit in the years before the crash.”

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