What would you do if your sexual habits had landed you under a police investigation and seen your professional career crumble? Write a sex novel obviously.
Well you would if you were Luke Bozier, who previously wrote online fiction about his nine inch penis. The first chapter of his racy novel the Adventures of Damian Gold is now online and though most of it is hardly suitable for a family blog, Guido thought he would share one amorous encounter from the scene set in a Starbucks toilets:
“Knock. Knock. Knock … Knock. ‘Come in, quickly.’ ‘How … romantic.’ At this I push Natasha against the wall, into the corner of the bathroom. Her back is to the wall, my hand is gripping her chin and jaw. ‘How about you shut up for ﬁve minutes?’ ‘Ok, I…’ ‘Shut. Up.’ Despite her annoying nature, there is something animal about having sex with this powerful woman. My body responds to her. I hate her but I want her. Still gripping her face, my teeth clench her bottom lip. My right hand is ﬁnding its way up her inner thigh, my foreﬁnger tip-toeing past her garter belt, La Perla no doubt.”
Just who could this mysterious powerful lady with the “quaffed” hair and stylist clothes be? Or should that be coiffed?
Guido salutes the women of the IDF…
The Prime Minister may have been in Eastleigh this afternoon but the LibDem campaign has received the biggest boost today: Stephen Gough, the local Eastleigh naked rambler, has declared he is a member of the LibDems and planted his yellow rosette firmly on his er, poll. They’ve got the big mo…
Guido noted yesterday that the Tories clearly don’t have much hope of their staff getting dates tonight and are throwing a collective bash for parliamentary researchers and secretaries, but now it seems their most high-profile ladies man is also fancy free tonight. Instead of roses and candles, tonight Boris will be leading a tele-canvassing session for the Eastleigh by-election from CCHQ. Girls in pearls have been warned via a party email to get there early “to ensure you don’t miss the great man.”
Form a queue…
One the day we learn Cait Reilly’s experience of working in Poundland helped her to get a job at Morrisons, readers will remember the Sun’s mocked-up naked Prince Harry pics, starring intern Sophie Henderson.
At the time self-appointed left-wing moral arbiters accused the paper of exploiting Sophie, but judging by her tweet this afternoon the internship was well worth it:
Yesterday almost 4,000 voted in Guido’s poll, with 55% choosing to save Page 3. The readers have spoken…
After her last online venture didn’t quite go to plan, fellow Sun on Sunday columnist Louise Mensch has decided to rival Guido’s fashion tips and try her hand as a fashion blogger. Offering a “lazy girl’s guide to gloss”, the new New Yorker styles herself as an “unfashionista”, which translates to maximum style, minimum effort. She even includes a slideshow of her least flattering photos and a John Rentoul-inspired Fashion To Which The Answer Is No. This one can’t go wrong…
With Murdoch hinting that Page 3 is “so last century”, po-faced critics of boobs are campaigning with new vigour today. So much so that Guido is launching #SavePage3.
They do not speak for everyone…
Some excellent investigative journalism out of Serbia, as one TV journalist decides to deploy her most basic journalistic instincts:
Ed’s Constitutional Failure | ConHome
UKIP Poster Girl’s Naked Photos | Sun
Miliband’s Radical Old Labour Agenda | Fraser Nelson
Meet Team Miliband | Dan Hodges
Run Boris Run | Times
Tories Pledge to End Onshore Windfarm Subsidy | Telegraph
Labour’s Plan to Attack Part-Time Boris | Standard
Ex-Sun Hack Cleared After 582 Days on Bail | MediaGuido
11 Times Boris Denied He Would Stand for Parliament | Buzzfeed
Attacking UKIP’s Posters is Counter-Productive | Guardian
Sarkozy Tried it on With Hollande’s Ex | Times
A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:
“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”