Joanna Shields Shuffled Upstairs as New Internet Safety Minister

Joanna Shields-1

Digital Dave’s technology guru Joanna Shields has left her role as chair of Tech City UK and will be shuffled upstairs as the new Minister for Internet Safety and Security. Baroness Shields, who once headed up Bebo, Facebook Europe and Google for Europe, Middle East and Africa, left the private sector at the peak of her career to take up a cushy £115,000 job as CEO of Tech City. Cynics have suggested that Shields planned on using the role as a stepping stone for feathering a seats-on-boards-of-companies nest…

Shields’ three year tenure as CEO saw her bolster her reputation for turning up to government meetings with perfectly coiffed hair and expensive shoes, while the taxpayer-funded Tech City conitinued on a mildly successful PR campaign to rebrand East London as Britain’s Silicon Valley. The PM duly rewarded Shields for her service with a Peerage, and now she’s in government. Keep an eye out for Techno’s runners and riders to be the new chair…

Lucky Palestinians Finally get Chance to Hook Up with Hot IDF Babes

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Good news! Palestinians yearning to hook up with hot IDF babes finally have the chance to make their dreams come true following the introduction of Verona, a dating app that connect Israelis and Palestinians. Pitching itself as the Tinder for sectarian divide, Verona aims to promote peace in the Middle East “one swipe at a time.No longer just a stones throw away…

Douglas Alexander Loses His Seat

Labour’s campaign chief is out:

Meet the new ‘Baby of the House’:

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Mhairi Black, the 20 year old SNP candidate. The youngest MP since 1667…

Lagos Lovely

Diezani-Alison-Madueke

In our continuing series on hot looking energy ministers we bring you the current President of the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) and Nigerian Minister of Petroleum Resources Diezani Alison-Madueke. Diezani is the brains behind Nigeria’s plan to remove state subsidies on fuel prices – a sound free market leaning policy reform. The fabulous minister is rumoured to have a taste for luxurious hotel suites and private jets. She can join our cartel anytime.. 

See also: Nuclear Totty and Phwoarr

More Censorship From the Politically Correct ASA

The censorious bunch of self-appointed bureaucrats at the Advertising Standards Authority have targeted anti-gay marriage adverts, anti-environmentalist advertsFathers4Justice adverts and pro-hanging adverts in their insidious campaign against politically incorrect causes.

Now Chris Smith’s bloated regulator has decreed that a weight loss advert featuring a woman in a bikini can no longer be shown on the London Underground. Because some lefties moaned on Twitter.

The ASA say:

“Although the ad won’t appear in the meantime, we’ve launched an investigation to establish if it breaks harm and offence rules or is socially irresponsible. We will now carefully and objectively explore the complaints that have prompted concerns around body confidence and promptly publish our findings.”

These people must be stopped.

Energy Minister Totty Watch (Continued)

GEORGIA TOTTY

Yesterday after after we asked in relation to Ségolène Royal, “Is there a hotter looking energy minister anywhere in the world?”, Katrina Kelly of the World Energy Council got in touch to complain:

Hopefully today’s hunky energy minister will softer her stance. Georgia’s Minister of Energy Kakha Kaladze used to play left-back for Serie A club A.C. Milan, but now oversees his country’s booming hydro-power sector. He manages to balance his political life with numerous business interests, including overseeing his investment company which at one point happened to own 45% of The Georgia Hydropower Construction Company. Dam!

Nuclear Totty

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France’s Energy Minister, François Hollande’s mère du bébé Ségolène Royal is on smoking form at the moment, pushing for a new generation of Nuclear Power plants. By replacing the aging power stations France will position itself as the global leader in cheap, safe and clean energy.

More importantly, is there a better looking Energy Minister anywhere in the world?

Data Shows Miliband Less Sexy Than Coalition Leaders

yougov-attractiveness

It is not so #SexyMiliband according to a YouGov survey bring further proof that we have passed peak #SexyMiliband. Nick Clegg is the housewife’s choice, Cameron is sloppy seconds. Ed comes a distant third just ahead of Nigel Farage.

MiliFandom is clearly a minority interest…

Karen Danczuk’s St George’s Day Message

An exclusive St George’s Day treat for Guido readers, courtesy of the dragon-slaying Mrs D:

More like St Phwoarrr-ge’s Day![…]

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#MiliFandom: Fantasy versus Reality

Is Miliband sexy? We report, you decide… 

The fantasies:bedmiliband

The reality:
ed-gif

Guido suspects this mass hysteria was triggered by Caitlin Moran in The Times last week (Are women ‘perving’ over Ed Miliband?) and the Daily Mail (Red Ed’s VERY tangled love life). […]

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Totty Watch: What the Hens Really Thought Of Ed

[gigya src=”https://abfiles.s3.amazonaws.com/swf/audioboom_default_player_v1.swf” style=”background-color:transparent; display:block; min-width:300px; max-width:700px;” flashvars=”image_option=small&imgURL=https%3A%2F%2Fd15mj6e6qmt1na.cloudfront.net%2Fi%2F14130181%2F300x300%2Fc&link_color=%2358d1eb&mp3Author=jeremywils0n&mp3Duration=10240.0&mp3LinkURL=https%3A%2F%2Faudioboom.com%2Fboos%2F3101829-ed-miliband-terrified-of-hens&mp3Time=09.30am+20+Apr+2015&mp3Title=Ed+Miliband+Terrified+of+Hens&mp3URL=https%3A%2F%2Faudioboom.com%2Fboos%2F3101829-ed-miliband-terrified-of-hens.mp3%3Fsource%3Dwordpress&player_theme=light&rootID=boo_player_1&show_title=true&waveimgURL=https%3A%2F%2Fd15mj6e6qmt1na.cloudfront.net%2Fi%2Fw%2F2378537″ width=”480″ height=”150″ allowFullScreen=”true” wmode=”transparent”]

According to one attendee on LBC this morning “he looked terrified, absolutely terrified. And he wouldn’t actually come off the bus. He was just kind of lingering on the steps, waving sort of tentatively.”

Which reminded Guido of this:

Ed Miliband, stud muffin.[…]

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“Grip Me, Whip Me!”

Here is “operatic champagne socialist” Melinda Hughes – riding crop and fishnets included – in Guido’s favourite musical election special yet.[…]

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Miliband Beats His Wife

As does Farage.

But Miriam Clegg really thrashes Nick in the Daily Mail poll of Leaders vs Spouses[…]

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Blue-KIP

By day, John Langley is UKIP’s deputy chairman in Bristol, also standing for the party in next month’s city elections. By night he is Johnny Rockard, star of “Johnny Rockard gives Welsh BDSM MILF Bella pain and pleasure” and “Johnny Rockard and Xzena Porn Warrior Princess Extreme”, and other such quality motion pictures.[…]

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Who Was Ed’s Secret Girlfriend in 2005?

“I first met Ed when I went to a friend’s house for dinner,” Justine Miliband tells the Mirror today:

“I was interested in him, I thought he was good looking and clever and seemed to be unattached. But we just went down a conversational cul-de-sac. 

[…]

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Page 3 Totty Back in Print

… In today’s Guardian…[…]

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