Tech Totty Watch: France’s ‘Miss Louboutin’

fleur

Following on from the popularity of Gaia’s Energy Minister Totty Watch, Techno thought he would give readers his own offering.

Meet Fleur Pellerin, aka Miss Louboutin, the minxy Minister of Culture and Communication who was instrumental in pushing for a pro-startup agenda as Minister the Digital Economy. A staunch privacy advocate, Fleur has been rocking the French establishment with her modernising approach to politics. Voulez-vous coder avec moi…

Police Investigate Sexy Shower Scene MP

It’s been a busy first few weeks for new Plymouth MP Johnny Mercer. First he put his wife on the public payroll, then hit the headlines for lathering up topless in a shower gel advert, and now he is under investigation by the police. That escalated quickly.

The preened poser has lawyered up after bitter opponents called the cops in over his election expenditure. Mercer mysteriously told supporters he needed “some manpower, and a decent dose of Commando Spirit” on “the night-time of 6/7 May”.

The next day, polling day, his defeated Labour opponent Alison Seabeck claims she “suddenly woke up with every bridge and every lamppost covered in posters and fliers”, claiming this “does influence people significantly and it is improper”.

Mercer himself paid for the £1,642 clean up out of his own pocket and insists:

“I am confident I haven’t broken the law and this allegation is being dealt with by my lawyers.”

Well, he looked clean in the advert…

Environment Minister Totty Watch: Phwoarr-za Italia Edition

italina totty

Today’s contribution to our occasional series of sexy environment ministers is the smoking hot Stefania Prestigiacomo. Stefania was the Italian Minister for Environment, Land and Sea until 2011 and used her time in office to agitate for a pan-global environmental organisation that would be able to respond to global crisis’. She’s also fond of hanging out in a bikini…

StefaniaPrestigiacomoincostumeaPanarea (1)

Bunga bunga!

50 Shades of Nanny Statism

Erotische Fantasien 033

The German “Youth Protection Authority” have ruled that websites can only offer sexually explicit ebooks for download between the hours of between 10pm and 6am. The decision was made following a complaint that children were getting their digital mitts on a popular ebook titled “Schlauchgelüste”…

How German bureaucrats, who don’t have the best reputation with the whole banning books thing, will decide what is ‘explicit’ has not been explained. It’s rumoured hausfrau’s are digitally stockpiling Mills & Boon in preparation for lonely afternoons…

Voice of Angel to Critics: “Hopefully Your Dick Will Fall Off”

church

Charlotte Church spent her Saturday marching with the People’s Assembly Against Austerity – whose aims include “increasing taxes on the super-rich” and “closing tax loopholes”.

As Guido revealed in the Sun on Sunday, this is the same Cardiff crooner who is the director of five companies all registered to the London address of Thomas Harris Accountants.

Alligator Wine Records Ltd, Charlotte Church Ltd, PACC Music Limited, Bounce Publishing Limited and Chick Flicks Ltd are all conveniently based at the firm’s offices in Merton Abbey Mills. Thomas Harris boast on their website:

“Lowering and deferring tax is, of course, a key aim… We can make your capital as tax-efficient as possible, taking advantage of allowances and reliefs of which many people are unaware, and ensuring you pay no more tax than you need… [including] tax-efficient gifting strategies”

What would her new comrades say about such sharp practices?

Seems Charlotte is finding her newfound critics rather taxing:

Voice of an angel, vocabulary of a drain…

Energy Minister Totty Watch: Norwegian Lumberjack Edition

borten

The latest offering in our series of sexy energy ministers is former Norwegian Minister of Petroleum and Energy Ola Borten Mo. Posing here with his wife Anna, Ola shows off the steely disposition with which he pushes through his isolationist policies. Apparently the picture was captioned with “useful facts about forestry significance as regional industry”…

ola borten

Ola is known in Norwegian political circles as “Christian Grå”…

ola borten moe

Junior parliamentary staffers are warned not to look into his eyes…

Networked Boobs

connected bikini

Techno has long been sceptical of the much hyped wearable tech trend, but a new product from a French has convinced him of the error of his way – behold the bikini connecté.

The connected bikini comes complete with a waterproof UV sensor that tells your smartphone when you need to apply sun cream. Yours for only €149…

 

DSK Acquitted of Aggravated Pimping

dominique-strauss-kahn-settles-maid-case

The former IMF just escaped jail.

A job at Fifa next?

Blair’s Two Hour Liaison with Bingbing

BLAIR+BINGBING

Tony Blair scheduled a two hour afternoon slot into his diary to enjoy the company of alluring Chinese actress Li Bingbing during a 2012 business trip to China. According to documents seen by the Telegraph, Blair touched down in Beijing and raced straight to see Ms Bingbing before the grind of meeting CEO’s and politicians began.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Tory MEP Shares Fanny With Kanye West

fanny kanye west

Geoffrey Van Orden’s wife looked rather smitten with Kanye West in a photo shared by the Conservative MEP on Facebook recently.

Fanny Van Orden called Kanye her “new best friend” and described the global superstar as “a real gentleman” and “very charming”. […]

+ READ MORE +

Environment Minister Totty Watch: Grecian Edition

birbili

The latest addition to our run down of the world’s hottest environment ministers is Tina Birbili, who was made the first Greek Minister for the Environment, Energy and Climate Change back in 2009. Things have moved on in Greek politics and Tina now finds herself holed up in a luxury compound in Nairobi, earning $141,227 a year as the UN’s Executive Secretary to the Vienna Convention for the Protection of the Ozone Layer and its Montreal Protocol on Substances that Deplete the Ozone Layer. […]

+ READ MORE +

Antoinette Sandbach Sabotages Tug of War

boots1

Match report from Macmillan’s annual Parliamentary Tug of War last night:

“The stakes were high for the Commons men who, led by Mike Penning MP, were fighting to secure the winning title for a sixth successive year. The Lords men, who were led jointly by Lord Dobbs and Lord Collins of Highbury, put up a good fight but were no match for the MPs who pulled to victory, with the likes of Chris Law MP and Alec Shelbrooke MP at the end of the rope.”

Meanwhile the female MP’s team lost again, amid whispers that the team’s leggy front woman Antoinette Sandbach sabotaged her own side by turning up in a pair of calf-length street boots.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Environment Minister Totty Watch: Double Trouble Edition

danish ministers

Our series of saucy environment ministers continues with a two in one special from Denmark.

On the left is current Minister for the Environment Kirsten Brosbøl.

The lady gazing lovingly into her eyes on the right is her predecessor Ida Auken.[…]

+ READ MORE +

How FIFA Tried To Distract the World at Its Annual Conference Today

14 FIFA officials have been charged with corruption and their President is facing calls to resign, but that hasn’t stopped football’s governing body from rolling out the red carpet for the opening ceremony of its annual conference today.

Maybe they were hoping the FBI would be distracted by their glamarous host:

fifa6

Or perhaps these scantily clad female dancers:

fifa8

If not, there was this dude singing Swiss power ballads:

fifa20

With a ballerina:

fifa12

And this lady blowing some sort of Swiss national horn:

fifa1

And this guy playing the drums:

fifa7

All culminating bizarrely with a lady pirouetting in a circle again and again:

fifa9

And fire.[…]

+ READ MORE +

BoJo: I am Back

Bow down… but seriously, check out that sexy look from Rees Mogg. Ohhh.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Energy Minister Totty Watch Continued: Dutch Edition

totty bike

Continuing our current series of saucy energy/environment minsters, Gaia is pleased to introduce Melanie Henriëtte Schultz van Haegen-Maas Geesteranus. She may have been named after an exotic ice-cream, but the Dutch Minister of Infrastructure and the Environment ain’t no soft scoop when it comes to pushing through her pro-cycling agenda.[…]

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Owen Smith backs one hour contracts but wants to abolish zero hours contracts:

“You need to give people a contract to say, ‘here’s what you will be working’. It could be one, but I’m saying it shouldn’t be zero, we should invert that emphasis.”

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

MACHO, LADDISH CULTURE OF BBC WALES BOYOS MACHO, LADDISH CULTURE OF BBC WALES BOYOS
TOBY PERKINS: “I LOVE TO SHOW MY BODY” TOBY PERKINS: “I LOVE TO SHOW MY BODY”
TRUMP ASKS RUSSIA TO HACK HILLARY’S EMAILS TRUMP ASKS RUSSIA TO HACK HILLARY’S EMAILS
TRUMP ASKS RUSSIA TO HACK HILLARY’S EMAILS TRUMP ASKS RUSSIA TO HACK HILLARY’S EMAILS
CANADIAN “HOT” LESBIAN OIL ADVERT PULLED CANADIAN “HOT” LESBIAN OIL ADVERT PULLED
EVERYBODY’S INVESTING IN BREXIT BRITAIN EVERYBODY’S INVESTING IN BREXIT BRITAIN
EMPTY SEATS AT SMITH CAMPAIGN RALLY EMPTY SEATS AT SMITH CAMPAIGN RALLY
“AMERITUDE” TRUMP JAM DAD SUES TRUMP’S CAMPAIGN “AMERITUDE” TRUMP JAM DAD SUES TRUMP’S CAMPAIGN
THERESA MAY SMILING AS TORY POLLS IMPROVING THERESA MAY SMILING AS TORY POLLS IMPROVING
HIGH COURT JUDGE COULD CROWN OILY LEADER HIGH COURT JUDGE COULD CROWN OILY LEADER
Trump 5% Ahead of Clinton Trump 5% Ahead of Clinton
LILY COLE FRONTS BBC “CEO SECRETS” SERIES AFTER RUNNING COMPANY INTO GROUND LILY COLE FRONTS BBC “CEO SECRETS” SERIES AFTER RUNNING COMPANY INTO GROUND
Guardian Media Group’s Losses Total £173 Million Guardian Media Group’s Losses Total £173 Million
MCGINN WHIPPED LABOUR MPS TO “KEEP UP THE PRESSURE ON JC” MCGINN WHIPPED LABOUR MPS TO “KEEP UP THE PRESSURE ON JC”
VICTORIA’S SECRET LINGERIE AND 5 STAR HOTELS: WELSH GOVT’S £7.5 MILLION CREDIT CARD SPEND VICTORIA’S SECRET LINGERIE AND 5 STAR HOTELS: WELSH GOVT’S £7.5 MILLION CREDIT CARD SPEND
OWEN SMITH HIRES TOP PFIZER LOBBYIST TO RUN CAMPAIGN OWEN SMITH HIRES TOP PFIZER LOBBYIST TO RUN CAMPAIGN
HAMMOND FIBS AND SAUDI SLAVERY SLIPPED OUT ON DUMPING DAY HAMMOND FIBS AND SAUDI SLAVERY SLIPPED OUT ON DUMPING DAY
MATTHEW ELLIOTT ON WHY LEAVE WON MATTHEW ELLIOTT ON WHY LEAVE WON