Last week Guido reported that Ed Balls had tried desperately to get one of his Shadow Cabinet colleagues to employ the apple of his eye, Ellie Gellard, as their political adviser. They all refused based on her lack of non-Twitter related experience. Having written his cornier speeches and been his general bag-carrier, today Guido can exclusively reveal that Balls has sorted her out with an actual job, in the actual private sector. As a lobbyist with Tetra Strategy…

This change of employment may not mean an end to late night Soho drinking sessions for Ed and Ellie. James O’Keefe and Lee Petar who run Tetra Strategy were both mentioned by Balls in the leaked Telegraph documents that revealed the extent of Balls’ personal war against Blair. Their lobby shop came to attention when it employed the disgraced expenses cheat Julie Kirkbride, more recently they came under the full media glare when it emerged they had been the organisation behind the now infamous meeting between Adam Werritty, Liam Fox and defence industry businessman Harvey Boulter. Industry sources imply that Tetra “do dodgy” – representing Russian oligarchs, the Government of Dubai, NHS contractors and private equity firms. Guido has confirmed that Ellie will be starting there next week, thanks to Balls. As members of the APPC, no Tetra employee can be a holder of a parliamentary pass, and at this time of heightened scrutiny of links between lobbyists and politicians she will have to surrender her pass on Friday…

Guido did try to ask Tetra Strategy what was it about the sultry 21 year-old that first attracted the lobbyists to hire her, was it her intimate knowledge of union affairs gained from Charlie Whelan? Was it her Twitter campaigning know-how? No one was available for comment…

Silvio Berlusconi has taken to Facebook to deny rumours that he is resigning. Silvio will however be very disappointed that former TV presenter Gabriella Carlucci is resiging from his party to go over to the Christian Democrats. So sadly he won’t be able to use Facebook to poke her…

Italian bonds are falling faster than a bunga-bunga girl’s knickers.

Tuesday night saw the Aneurin Bevan Memorial Lecture in Parliament, with Ed Balls taking to stage. Having been unable to convince any of his Shadow Cabinet colleagues to take on Labour’s famous-for-Twitter foghorn Ellie Gellard as a Political Adviser, she’s instead writing his speeches, despite her being officially recorded as a staffer to Kerry McCarthy. Guido hears that it wasn’t for want of trying though…

Gellard has maintained a behind the scenes profile despite ruining Labour’s manifesto launch May 2010. Regular readers will remember her “Gordon is fantastic” speech unraveling in minutes after it emerged that she had previously called for his resignation in less than flattering terms. Since then Gellard has been the Team Balls cheerleader and her loyalty was rewarded on Tuesday with Balls heaping praise on his young admirer:

“I am not going to start this lecture by quoting from the current generation of Labour greats who have paid tribute to Nye Bevan – but by quoting from one of the next younger generation of Bevanites. Because I have been helped in researching this lecture by a young Bristol graduate, Ellie Gellard, the young woman who Labour chose to introduce Labour’s last manifesto in a new hospital in Birmingham. And the name on Twitter she goes by? ‘Bevanite Ellie’.”

And then again:

“That is why, I argued, Nye Bevan deserves the title of Labour’s greatest hero. And what greater tribute to the great man than that he is still a hero today – his name evoked by a new generation to describe their approach to politics. Ladies and gentlemen – just ask Bevanite Ellie… Thank you”

Enough to make a young girl blush…

To her libel case.

The Blairs’ former new age guru and shower sharer has won damages from the Mail.*

She kept repeating on the telly a moment ago that she was “nearly fifty”….

She could have fooled Guido…

*She never sued over her topless photos in The Sun.

There is all sorts of speculation doing the rounds that self-confessed “teen-fondler” and LibDem MP Mike Hancock is about to be suspended from the Defence Select Committee. Committee sources say nothing has happened yet, but others speculate that it can only be “a matter of time” before the Chairman James Arbuthnot has to act. The suspected spy that worked in Hancock’s office yesterday admitted to not only having a four-year affair with the MP, but to opening confidential mail and having access to Defence Select Committee documentation. She is fighting extradition and he is looking down the barrel of his career.

You have to wonder what first attracted the twenty-three year old leggy blonde to the bearded pensioner…

Having worked her way through a Dutch diplomat and NATO official, perhaps it was his massive, err, naval base in the constituency.

Boris might not want to go campaigning near Camden Lock for a few weeks. Controversal extra-marital affairs dating agency Ashleymadison.com have found a new face for their service. Testing the all good publicity notion to the extreme…

Via The Drum.

Decca Aitkenhead claims in her interview article that

I can see incisions in the creases where her ears and cheeks meet that look so fresh, they still have tiny lines of scab. In fact, they look exactly like the lines left by what is known as a Chicago facelift – a procedure favoured by relatively young women with a strong jaw line and chin, and popular on account of its short recovery time.

Louise doesn’t confirm or deny it, telling Guido via Twitter

@GuidoFawkes my lips are sealed—
Louise Mensch (@LouiseMensch) October 01, 2011

Elsewhere in the Observer they have uncovered that George Osborne was accused of cheating during election for Ents Rep in his Magdalen college JCR. Can his career survive?

The Young Britons’ Foundation will be launching this poster campaign at Tory conference. Something tells Guido that the Chancellor might be able to relate to this one:

Maybe they are “wet” after all…

You can download a high-res version for your own amusement here.

No real surprises at the top of this year’s Sky News Totty Top Trumps. Action man turned Labour by-election victor Dan Jarvis topped the lads with a 96% sexy score. Ed’s sacked PPS and recently dumped pretty boy Chuka Umunna came second for a change. Small, but perfectly formed, Tory Dominic Raab was hot on his heels, before David Miliband and the Prime Minister with 84% and 81% respectively.

Over to the ladies and Luciana Berger stays on top with 90%, closely followed by the Tory onslaught of Charlotte Leslie (83%), Louise Mensch (76%), Penny Mordaunt (75%) and Priti Patel (74%). Finally Gloria De Piero is bringing up the rear with 72%. Guido hasn’t got his set in the post yet, but no doubt there will be a repeat of last year’s scotch-fuelled drinking edition in Manchester and Liverpool…

The Telegraph broke the news yesterday that Guido’s favourite disaster-zone - Derek Draper – is back with his new political publishing outfit Ruskin. Iain Dale must be shaking in his boots…

If Dolly was hoping to launch with a bang, Guido would have recommended publishing a book that will appeal to more than just a particularly dull subsection of the New Statesman readership. Though having said that, those well known cash splashers The Guardian have already bought the serialisation rights to Rowenna Davis’s Tangled Up In Blue – a critique of Blue Labour. Since Blue Labour seems stillborn the book must surely be something of a post mortem. Guido was a little surprised Ms. Davis would be so willing to rekindle her professional relationship with Draper after what she said about her previous encounters:

“When I first met the site’s regular editor Derek Draper and his all-male staff to discuss potential questions for an online survey, he suggested with a grin that I ask “Is domestic violence always wrong?” and then spent the rest of the afternoon trying to set me up with James Purnell.”

And that was before Guido leaked Draper’s emails discussing her merits with his close personal friend, James Macintyre:

From: Derek Draper
Sent: 03 March 2009 15:19
To: James Macintyre; Roger Liddle

what’s the answer, though?

(if you are single you should pop in here on friday morning as we have the delectable rowenna davies here guest editing labourlist for international womens day)

fowrad to a harman led labour party

x

From: James Macintyre
To: Derek Draper; Roger Liddle
Sent: Tuesday, 3 March, 2009 15:15:49

He is very tall, handsome in a bookish sort of way. Very █████ and █████.

I am very much single and in need to remedy that. I ███ █████ ███ ██ Friday – who is this woman? Otherwise will have to try and pull Harman..

x

From: Derek Draper
Sent: 03 March 2009 15:26
To: James Macintyre; Roger Liddle

he sounds like a queer

(she says she’s a freelance journalist, quite lefty, very beautiful)

From: James Macintyre
To: Derek Draper
Sent: Tuesday, 3 March, 2009 15:24:35

well you called her delectable then appeared not to know her – anyway i see she is now v v fit – ridiculously beautiful – why she editing it – so you can look at her?

NO BECAUSE I AM LEADING A RADICAL OONLINE MOVEMENTA ND I HAVE ALWAYS EMBREACED THE FEMINIST CAUSE

thanks for emailing the labour woman – please let me know what her response is however negative – even if she says “i have heard he is a total wanker” as i know she will reply to you. x

Needless to say Macintyre was unsuccessful on his mission. Although Draper will apparently be keeping a low profile, he has been seen on the terrace with Gloria Del Piero with increasing frequency of late. Guido would like to take this opportunity to welcome him back to the scene. Oh how we have missed you…