Totty Watch: Get Your Votes Out For The Lads

UKIP have come up with a novel way of appealing to the voters of Bangor. Northern Irish model, Laura Lacole has lent her assets to their North Down candidate in the Assembly elections, Dr Fred McGlade, and UKIP Deputy Leader Paul Nuttall MEP:

Guido expects a strong swing. 

Green Party Candidate Exposed As £50-An-Hour “Escort”

Not a good day for council candidates. This is Dave Walsh, the Green Party candidate in the Portslade ward of Brighton. Dave is a former MOD staffer and web developer by day, but at night it seems he has a slightly more lucrative career. Guido has blacked out some parts of Dave’s profile on “Sleepy Boy”, an “escort” service website:

The Greens are spinning this as “a practical joke” being played on their candidate and the profile has been pulled. But how exactly did this “practical joker” get the full frontal shots and the gagged and bound photos exactly? Like Bill Clinton was caught out by a “defining feature”, Guido is sure the exceptional amount of detail provided about Dave’s gentitals could only have come from the man himself.

In case you are interested, Dave charges £50 for the hour, £80 for two or £120 for the night. Does he realise under the Greens’ socialist policies he would be taxed until the pips squeaked on such a lucrative income? 

UPDATE: The national Green Party press office are standing by the “it’s a joke profile” line. The regional office is closed, which is helpful. Perhaps they could then explain if this was “a joke from eighteen months ago”, why Dave’s profile was recently updated to inform punters that he was “free anytime over Easter”. That’s one way of getting to know the electorate.

The Telegraph’s Political Priorities

What has Dave unleashed? There are those that say The Telegraph has dumbed down in recent years, and those that can see that the Guidoisation of the media is almost complete. Colonels will be doing a little more than choking into their corn flakes when they see the latest from Assistant Comment Editor Lucy Jones:

Well Lucy, Guido can put you out of your misery. They were in fact Lisa Nandy’s boobs. Who, he hears you cry? One of Miliband’s, until recently, rather bland, new-model rent-a-mob.

Totty Watch: Magaret Thatcher Inspires Lingerie Range

The Style section isn’t normally the first bit of the Sunday Times that Guido reaches for, but thankfully this one didn’t go unspotted. Agent Provocateur’s new lingerie range has been apparently been styled on Maggie:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

The designer said her delicate bow and a “little bit of pleated shawl that goes around your bottom” was “quite racy, but I like to think she might have worn that underneath her suits.” So does Guido…

Great Political Arguments of Our Time

Political leaflets only tend to raise eyebrows in this country when they end up going through the courts, or feature a particularly hilarious LibDem bar chart. Guido thinks we should take a lesson from Sole Sánchez Mohamed, head of the Partit Democràtic de Ciutadella on Spain. She has presented the electorate with “two great arguments” on why she should be elected.

Guido’s sold.

The Coalition Calendar

This is going round on email. Guido thought he’d bring it to a wider audience.

It is Friday…

Kay’s Glorious Prose

Kay Burely’s book “First Ladies” is finally upon us. Guido told you last year that it revolved around three completely and utterly fictional women and their love for an alarmingly Blair-like PM. Some of these women sound very familiar though…

There’s the “titian-haired” Sally Simpson, “a powerful magazine editor … in skin-tight Prada and killer heels, she is every man’s fantasy”; Valerie Jenson, a “deeply unhappy” and “weary first lady” who“spends her time drinking”“sexy TV reporter Isla McGovern, who has caught Julian’s eye and will do anything (or anyone) to get to the top”. Rumour is there was a substantial re-write after horrified execs read a draft…

Media Monkey have got the extracts:

“Lithe and muscular, he effortlessly lifted her from the bed and onto his broad shoulders. Sally felt all the excitement and exhilaration of a fairground ride as he continued to offer intense pleasure before she was finally sated and he lowered her gently back onto the round bed. Julian flopped contentedly beside her.

“At that exact moment, Julian was expertly using his silver tongue to offer intense gratification to Sally as he held on firmly to her taut, tanned thighs, tightly gripped around his handsome face.”

Campbell, Blair and now Burley. What is it with the horrendous sex scenes recently?

The Easiest Job in the World

Gordon Sarah Brown PPS McGovernAlison McGovern hasn’t had a glittering career outside of politics. According to her website she was head girl at school in 1998, don’t you know, then on to UCL. She worked briefly as a researcher at the House of Commons before going to spin for Network Rail. She was elected in May, and as Guido reported at the time, immediately promoted to the dubious role of Gordon Brown’s PPS. Though no longer a frontbencher, or even a participating Member of Parliament, Gordon found it necessary to recruit such a minion.

You would think that after Brown’s abject failure to turn up to Parliament to represent the people of Kirkcaldy, Alison would have quietly dropped the laughable non-job description, but no, she is still using it today to promote her role as a Labour Yes2AV spokesman. So how has Gordon been keeping his PPS busy?

The  job normally entails:

  • Being with the Minister at all times in the Chamber and for meetings on the Parliamentary estate. Gordon has given one backbench speech in an adjournment debate since May 2010 and asked a handful of written questions.
  • Liaising between Commons and your bosses Government department. Gordon doesn’t have a department.
  • Controlling access to the boss for other MPs who want to see him. Would anybody be seen dead seeking Brown’s advice?

Many would argue there is little point to Gordon Brown in his current role, let alone his PPS.

Clegg Set To Be Humiliated by the Miner’s Daughter

The deputy Prime Minister (when he remembers) is set to be humiliated in the Barnsley by-election because, according to a survey in the Mail, the LibDems are looking likely to come fourth after coming second in the general election.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Totty Watch: Galyna, Gaddafi’s Ukranian Nurse

Now that the “Brotherly Leader and Guide of the Revolution of Libya”, or “Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People’s Libyan Arab Jamahiriya” is going the same way all socialist dictators go – mad […]

+ READ MORE +

Total Politics is Full of Divas

Guido had long suspected it to be the case, but it seems like Total Politics have made it official. Well sort of, Antonello Sticca who has been heading up a redesign of the magazine and website, came over from lesbian […]

+ READ MORE +

Telegraph Totty Tossed Out

There has been a notable absence in the Telegraph newsroom recently. Many a hack has pondered what happened to the editor’s secretary cum beauty columnist Jane Cullen. Not only has she disappeared but apparently her desk has gone too. Jane’s […]

+ READ MORE +



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