Let Out Your Daughters – Andy Porter Gets Hitched

Guido is late to this one, but he wanted to pass on his warmest congratulations to man about town and Daily Telegraph Political Editor Andy “lock up your daughter” Porter, who finally tied the knot on Saturday. Many a maiden will be crestfallen at this news…

Guido’s wedding invitation must have got lost in the post, but he’s looking forward to the upcoming christening.

Very soon.

Heffer is Barely Out the Door and Already Standards Slip

“Tory blogging is close to death” Melissa Kite announced back in 2007, “it’s been in intensive care for some time” she proclaimed. However it seems the Sunday Telegraph’s Deputy Political Editor has had a change of heart. She took to her very own Tory-blog today to defend the Prime Minister.

Inevitably it fell upon Melissa, she of Tamzin Lightwater fame, to write the “hooray for Flashman” piece in defence of Dave. The Lobby, and Labour are loving the bully analogy, but it seems Melissa isn’t the George MacDonald Fraser fan it would first seem.

Melissa writes:

“He is, by his own unapologetic description, “a scoundrel, a liar, a cheat, a thief, a coward and a toady.” But, and it’s a big but, Flashman always wins the day. He invariably lands on his feet and, through a combination of luck and cunning, ends up being acclaimed as a hero.”

Which Guido can’t help but notice is remarkably similar to a certain Wikipedia article:

“…by his unapologetic self-description “a scoundrel, a liar, a cheat, a thief, a coward—and oh yes, a toady.” Fraser’s Flashman is an antihero… and yet, through a combination of luck and cunning, usually ends each volume acclaimed as a hero.”

Blogging would be close to death if we were all that lazy Melissa. 

Off To Tease The Progressives

Guido is off to the Excel centre to watch the No Campaign votes pour in. The Prime Minister said this morning that “there will be no celebrating, there will be no congratulations.” He also made it clear on Thursday that he wasn’t part of the official No campaign, so Guido’s not sure they will  be acting on that particular memo…

With YouGov polling people who voted yesterday and finding a 62%/38% No win it could be a long night…

Totty Watch: Get Your Votes Out For The Lads

UKIP have come up with a novel way of appealing to the voters of Bangor. Northern Irish model, Laura Lacole has lent her assets to their North Down candidate in the Assembly elections, Dr Fred McGlade, and UKIP Deputy Leader Paul Nuttall MEP:

Guido expects a strong swing. 

Green Party Candidate Exposed As £50-An-Hour “Escort”

Not a good day for council candidates. This is Dave Walsh, the Green Party candidate in the Portslade ward of Brighton. Dave is a former MOD staffer and web developer by day, but at night it seems he has a slightly more lucrative career. Guido has blacked out some parts of Dave’s profile on “Sleepy Boy”, an “escort” service website:

The Greens are spinning this as “a practical joke” being played on their candidate and the profile has been pulled. But how exactly did this “practical joker” get the full frontal shots and the gagged and bound photos exactly? Like Bill Clinton was caught out by a “defining feature”, Guido is sure the exceptional amount of detail provided about Dave’s gentitals could only have come from the man himself.

In case you are interested, Dave charges £50 for the hour, £80 for two or £120 for the night. Does he realise under the Greens’ socialist policies he would be taxed until the pips squeaked on such a lucrative income? 

UPDATE: The national Green Party press office are standing by the “it’s a joke profile” line. The regional office is closed, which is helpful. Perhaps they could then explain if this was “a joke from eighteen months ago”, why Dave’s profile was recently updated to inform punters that he was “free anytime over Easter”. That’s one way of getting to know the electorate.

The Telegraph’s Political Priorities

What has Dave unleashed? There are those that say The Telegraph has dumbed down in recent years, and those that can see that the Guidoisation of the media is almost complete. Colonels will be doing a little more than choking into their corn flakes when they see the latest from Assistant Comment Editor Lucy Jones:

Well Lucy, Guido can put you out of your misery. They were in fact Lisa Nandy’s boobs. Who, he hears you cry? One of Miliband’s, until recently, rather bland, new-model rent-a-mob.

Totty Watch: Magaret Thatcher Inspires Lingerie Range

The Style section isn’t normally the first bit of the Sunday Times that Guido reaches for, but thankfully this one didn’t go unspotted. Agent Provocateur’s new lingerie range has been apparently been styled on Maggie:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

The designer said her delicate bow and a “little bit of pleated shawl that goes around your bottom” was “quite racy, but I like to think she might have worn that underneath her suits.” So does Guido…

Great Political Arguments of Our Time

Political leaflets only tend to raise eyebrows in this country when they end up going through the courts, or feature a particularly hilarious LibDem bar chart. Guido thinks we should take a lesson from Sole Sánchez Mohamed, head of the Partit Democràtic de Ciutadella on Spain. She has presented the electorate with “two great arguments” on why she should be elected.

Guido’s sold.

The Coalition Calendar

This is going round on email. Guido thought he’d bring it to a wider audience.

It is Friday…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Kay’s Glorious Prose

Kay Burely’s book “First Ladies” is finally upon us. Guido told you last year that it revolved around three completely and utterly fictional women and their love for an alarmingly Blair-like PM. Some of these women sound very familiar though…[…]

+ READ MORE +

The Easiest Job in the World

Gordon Sarah Brown PPS McGovernAlison McGovern hasn’t had a glittering career outside of politics. According to her website she was head girl at school in 1998, don’t you know, then on to UCL. She worked briefly as a researcher at the House of Commons […]

+ READ MORE +

Clegg Set To Be Humiliated by the Miner’s Daughter

The deputy Prime Minister (when he remembers) is set to be humiliated in the Barnsley by-election because, according to a survey in the Mail, the LibDems are looking likely to come fourth after coming second in the general election.[…]

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

The Donald asks what America wants from a President…

“I spent less, I won the most. Isn’t that what you want from your President for a little time?”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

CAT SMITH EXPENSES COVER UP CAT SMITH EXPENSES COVER UP
ETHNIC MINORITY BRITS BACK BREXIT ETHNIC MINORITY BRITS BACK BREXIT
REMAIN TAKES PROJECT FEAR TO CHURCH REMAIN TAKES PROJECT FEAR TO CHURCH
SOUBRY’S BIG NISSAN-DERSTANDING SOUBRY’S BIG NISSAN-DERSTANDING
JIM SHANNON ORDERED TO REPAY £14,000 EXPENSES JIM SHANNON ORDERED TO REPAY £14,000 EXPENSES
PAY “ONLY REAL RED LINE” FOR BMA JUNIOR DOCTOR LEADERSHIP PAY “ONLY REAL RED LINE” FOR BMA JUNIOR DOCTOR LEADERSHIP
NET MIGRATION UP 20,000 TO 333,000 NET MIGRATION UP 20,000 TO 333,000
POLICE INVESTIGATING TESSA MUNT ELECTION EXPENSES POLICE INVESTIGATING TESSA MUNT ELECTION EXPENSES
LEAVE.EU ON HOOK FOR £500,000 BREXIT GIG LEAVE.EU ON HOOK FOR £500,000 BREXIT GIG
TRUMP SINGS “WE’RE GONNA BUILD A WALL” TRUMP SINGS “WE’RE GONNA BUILD A WALL”
OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID
EDDIE IZZARD’S HOTEL BILLS NOT LAWFULLY DECLARED EDDIE IZZARD’S HOTEL BILLS NOT LAWFULLY DECLARED
POLITICAL PARTY RICHLIST POLITICAL PARTY RICHLIST
EU PLOTS TAX ID NUMBERS FOR EVERY EUROPEAN CITIZEN EU PLOTS TAX ID NUMBERS FOR EVERY EUROPEAN CITIZEN
MUNT ADMITS SHE DIDN’T DECLARE LOCAL CAMPAIGN TRANSPORT MUNT ADMITS SHE DIDN’T DECLARE LOCAL CAMPAIGN TRANSPORT
OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID
“Fat Cats For EU” “Fat Cats For EU”
“CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS “CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS
CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL
CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS
CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE
TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY
CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE
OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT
POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES
TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA
ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN
STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION
NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE