Maybe Later this Evening

Judging by the banner hanging over the front door, the Rocket Club lap-dancing joint is not exactly embarrassed by all the free publicity it has received. Guido has his discount voucher. Should be more fun than having a drink with David Willets.

Totty Watch : Labour Looker Spotted

Just snapped this totty straight off the telly. Julia Toft actually looks glossy and well spoken enough to be a Tory girl. What is she doing in the Labour Party?

Reports from those returning from Manchester suggest the number of activist delegates was way down on previous years.

Government contractors, lobbyists, media and party staffers seemingly out-numbered the actual members….

UPDATE : Aha, turns out she is a lobbyist.

Totty Watch : Tatler Tory Totty Special

You would, wouldn’t you?* Guido couldn’t help noticing when watching the Democrat and Republican conventions that the Republicans were better groomed and better looking. Forza Italia look like they have just come off the catwalk. Are right-of-centre types universally better looking than their left-of-centre counterparts?

1 – Shaun Bailey, 37, 2 – Mark Clarke, 31, 3 – Joanne Cash, 38, 4 – Annunziata Rees-Mogg, 29, 5 – Peter Lyburn, 24, 6 – Charlotte Leslie, 29, 7 – Jeremy Brier, 27, 8 – Nicola Blackwood, 28, 9 – Helen Whately, 32, 10 – Kulveer Ranger, 33.

*Vote for them – they are all Conservative Prospective Parliamentary Candidates.

Picture via : Evening Standard

Beauty and the Basher

People asking what did David Davis achieve with his “Freedom By-Election” might be surprised to discover that he appears to have won over a convert. The news is that Miss Great Britain, Gemma Garrett, is switching political allegiances to the Tories. Excellent news, it was not all in vain after all. She will make a glamorous addition to the candidates list.

Politics is not exclusively “showbiz for ugly people” after all.

Brogan’s Boob Blogging

The Daily Mail’s politicial editor, Ben Brogan has a very dry blog, read widely in the Westminster Village. It has never had much of a popular following for some reason. Here however is his excellent report on the flight arrangements for the PM’s visit to Tokyo. Guido welcomes his more populist style…

Totty Watch : Undercover on Embankment?

A Guido co-conspirator on his way to Westminster yesterday morning snapped this picture on his phone-cam. The man at the back has taken off his wig, perhaps because of the warm sunshine, to reveal a bald spot. The big broad-shouldered man at the front in the coat, skirt and high heels is marching purposefully towards Westminster bridge.

At first the co-conspirator suspected a terror threat – heavy coats on hot day, bulky bags, quick Sir Iain, shoot ’em. Closer observation alerted him to their feminine disguises. He thought Guido’s readers might be able to answer his questions about these gentlemen (they might, given the direction they were headed in, even be readers).

  • Are they secret agents on an undercover training mission from spook HQ at Vauxhall Bridge? If so the taxpayer deserves better.
  • Are they just your average transvestite commuters on their way to their Westminster office?
  • Are they Liberal Democrats?

Answers in the comments please…

Hat-tip : www.jamiederooy.com

Big Jacqui Tough Stance Goes Down Well With Lesbians

The Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, tops the lesbian romantic rankings, scooping over a third (34%) of the gay female vote in an online “Lust for Power” poll of hundreds of gay singles conducted by gay-PARSHIP.co.uk.
Amongst single lesbians, Britain’s first female Home Secretary proves big-in-the-ballots as the most desired lesbian date with British female politician:

1. Jacqui Smith 34%
2. Sarah Tether 24%
3. Ruth Kelly 18%
4. Harriet Harman 15%
5. Theresa May 9%

So that is the second vote she has won this week…

Blue-on-Blue or Red Dragons?

Post-lunch Guido peruses Nadine’s blog to discover a picture of her comely researcher, one Jenny Dorries, and Nadine has this to say:
If Michael Crick or any other journalist would like to check it out she is working from my staff office, just be our guest. Is there a better communication tool than a blog?

No of course not, so Guido calls Nadine’s office; “Is Jenny there?” “No she has just popped out” comes the reply. Guido leaves his number for her to call back. Seconds pass… ring, ring. A lioness roars down the line in tones that remind Guido of Mrs Fawkes. Nadine is not impressed. Guido protests that she did invite calls. She also complains about the blog’s coverage of Caroline Spelman. Guido points out she never called about Guido’s coverage of Beckett’s pergola or Follet’s window cleaning at our expense. We agree to differ.

Elsewhere on her blog Nadine laments

“The frenzied attack against Conservative MPs and MEPs, orchestrated by and emanating from the left wing BBC and press has equalled that of an animal in its death throes. The more terminal the position looks for Labour, the more desperate the BBC and left wing press become. The incoming Conservative government has many big dragons to slay, the BBC has to be the biggest.”

Yes, Guido and those horrible left-wingers at Open Europe must be desperately trying to prop up the Labour Party. Guido wonders aloud to Nadine whether, just maybe, Spelman’s troubles might come from another direction, after all, the Whip’s office knew of her misdemeanor, perhaps others in CCHQ knew as well? Some of those Tory MEPs she was threatening have been around a while, they are not entirely without friends – people do gossip – black books are kept. Maybe they also knew Michael Crick’s phone number? Isn’t it more likely to be Blue-on-Blue shooting than originating from the BBC’s red dragons? Nadine went quiet for a moment… briefly.

Silvio’s Minister for the Family

Berlusconi is likely to appoint Mara Carfagna, a former Miss Italy contestant and Forza Italia party activist, as Minister for the Family. Silvio has promised to appoint women to a third of his cabinet posts. Obviously he is a feminist…

+ READ MORE +

Forza Italia : Silvio on Women

Guido has a soft spot for Silvio and is looking forward to his return to power, not least because he comes out with crackers like this:
“The left has no taste, not even when it comes to women… As for ours being more beautiful, I say that because in parliament they have no competition.”

Guido thinks he has a point, and old Silvio knows a thing or two about women.

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Who Had Dinner With Dave?

The Sunday Mirror’s strange story that a “senior female TV journalist” had allegedly overheard Dave say to his daughter Nancy ‘you look like you’ve fallen out of a council flat’, is so very full of holes. The un-named source was said to have subsequently denied the story to her intermediary, as does Dave himself most emphatically.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Totty Watch : By Request, Black & White Ball (Men)

N.B. Guido was not actually in attendance so the person demanding transparency about a Guido donation to the Tory party is barking up the wrong tree. It was held on Ash Wednesday, the first Day of Lent, a day which Catholics observe by fasting, abstinence from meat, and repentance—a day of contemplating one’s transgressions.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Totty Watch : Black & White Tory Ball

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Gordon Earns Himself a Blue Peter Badge

As markets plunged yesterday George Bush convened a White House summit to push an emergency $150 billion growth stimulus package through Congress in weeks. He called in heavyweight politicians for a bipartisan effort. Elsewhere in Washington an emergency meeting of the Federal Reserve slashed interest rates 75 basis points in an effort to shore up global markets fearing recession.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Weaning News

The first Ms Fawkes was weaned in a weekend and took to the bottle like her father. We were spending the summer in France and French baby formula is creamy rich. Her eyes lit up, she grabbed the bottle and mum retired to take some paracetamol.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Le Totty Watch : Sarko’s Supermodel

Guido likes Sarkozy. His missus dumps him after conducting a not-so-discreet affair. Is he humiliated and downhearted? No, he pulls Carla Bruni, a super-model. Good work fella…
Here in Ireland even separated Bertie Ahern has been frolicking with his fancy-woman despite being mired in corruption investigations – the former Finance Minister is trying to explain away why he had no bank account and literally bundles of cash from property developers.[…]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Sky’s Faisal Islam on the mood in Parliament at the moment:

“It’s a totally febrile atmosphere here. It’s kind of like Game of Thrones meets House of Cards – and if you chuck in the Labour Party – Laurel and Hardy too.”

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