Fancy a Berger?

The comments section has been rife for a couple of days with innuendo about vacuous pretty boy Chuka Umunna and ruthlessly mobile Luciana Berger. So Guido is a little annoyed to have been scooped by Nigel Nelson who broke the news that they are now a (power) couple. Apparently they have been secretly dating for a few months.

Though not his biggest fan, Guido has a word of warning for Chuka – watch your back. Ms. Berger is going places and knows exactly how to get what she wants. First it was dating Euan Blair in 2004 – what was it that first attracted this young ambitious party hack to a nerdy kid who can’t hold his beer?

Then there was her liaison with Siôn Simon that triggered an internal war in Labour after the then junior minister pulled strings to get the relative unknown a safe seat. She upset the locals and he was ditched for some other reason. And now the leader’s PPS. Ah to climb the greasy pole…

Totty Watch: The New Intake

It’s that time of year again when Sky News draw up their top ten lists of the most fanciable MPs. There have been some rather strange winners in the past, but with the amount of new talent floating about the Labour and Tory benches, the winner must be from the rather well turned out new intake.

By conducting sophisticated media monitoring and having polled the newsroom, Guido’s shortlist would have to include opposing blonde bombshells Stella Creasy and Nicola Blackwood, Liz Truss, metal loving Louise Bagshaw and TV’s Esther McVey. There is stiff competition from the brunettes Priti Patel, Luciana “Heir to Blair” Berger, Caroline “Shagger” Nokes as well as Scottish roses Alison McGovern and Pam “Baby of the House” Nash. And of course there is always Gloria.

Proving you really can get by with just a pretty face is Chuka Umanna. Ever seen Zac and Tristrum Hunt in the same room? Matt Hancock sets bag-carrier hearts a fluttering, apparently. For those ladies looking to add a little mystery to your romance try Rory “Double O” Stewart, Chris Kelly is a man in touch with his emotional side and if lanky is your thing, there’s always Jacob Rees Mogg.

Add your suggestions below for Guido’s poll tomorrow…

BS SOS!

It’s all hands to the deck as the HMS Big Society takes water below the bow. Luckily someone is tooled up, hoping to plug the hole:

What a coincidence that today after sustained attack on the BS, Mrs Cameron was out and about visiting a social breakdown charity in Reading. Apparently “it is very exciting to see a social action project so successfully bringing together different elements in the community to help young people struggling with mainstream education”. Activate the Sam Cam…

Maggie Streep

Guido is late to this, but quite a stunning resemblance:

As His Grace said, probably as close to the truth as the film will get…

More Than “A Storm in a Bedsheet”

There is no denying that Sally Bercow makes for hugely entertaining copy, but the odds against a challenge to her husband in the next year tightened last night. This morning’s papers were full of anonymous quotes from ministers In the Times there was one saying “There are limits but this goes too far. This is a fierce challenge to the dignity of Parliament. The sooner we are rid of the both of them, the better”. In the Mail another said the photo yesterday “brought Parliament into disrepute and was likely to hasten efforts to remove her husband as Speaker.”

The discontent is growing and coming from higher up the Tory ladder.

UPDATE: Another Tory backbencher comes forward describing the Bercow’s the “Marcoses of British politics.” Sally wasn’t too happy with on Radio 5 earlier.

Gloria Gives Chase

Their tension in the House has been noted previously. First it was those passionate gazes held for an extra second across the despatch box in hot and heavy Culture Media and Sport sessions, but it seems Gloria just can’t get enough of Ed Vaizey. While Ed was busy chatting up/to the somewhat hostile MumsNet crowd for their lunchtime web interview, his shadow just couldn’t stay away, wading in with her own questions:

Ed’s reply was short and firm.

Gabby Goes Favourite

Money is moving on who is set to replace Andy Coulson. Current press secretary Gabby Bertin has just gone favourite. The internal promotion would be a safe option. Does someone in Downing Street know something?

Totty Watch: Sexy Riot Chicks

With the yoof taking to the streets, it was only a matter of time before riot chic became the new look. Those sages at Vice Style have compiled some uprising suggestions:

(click to enlarge)

They can come and smash up Guido’s HQ anytime…

Meryl Thatcher

A dull and bloodless PMQs was livened up as Meryl Streep was spotted in the gallery getting tips for her upcoming film about Thatcher. Number 10 apparently organised the ticket, though Guido isn’t sure why given what has emerged so […]

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Totty Watch : Berlusconi’s Jailbait Ruby

He is 74, she was a 17 year-old nightclub dancer who came to one of his parties last year, for which she says she was paid €7,000. Later, when Ruby was arrested, Berlusconi called the police and got her sprung.  […]

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Totty Watch : Sophy Ridge Heading to Sky

All change in the Murdoch empire this morning as Guido learns that Sophy Ridge, the News of the World’s blonde bombshell, is to join Sky New’s political team as a replacement for Niall Paterson. Kay Burley better watch her back.[…]

+ READ MORE +

De Piero’s DCMS Ding-Dong

It was an unusually catty Department of Culture Media and Sport Questions in the House yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t just that an embarrassed looking Ivan Lewis showed up but, his fellow Shadow Minister Gloria de Piero was particularly feisty.

Given […]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Charles Clarke says Cameron is the most successful PM for over a century…

“Under Margaret Thatcher the Conservatives gained 99 seats. They lost 211 under John Major, gained one under William Hague, quickly and wisely got rid of Ian Duncan-Smith, gained 32 under Michael Howard and have so far gained 133 under David Cameron who, to the great surprise of many (including senior Conservatives), has turned out to be the most electorally successful Tory leader since 1900.”

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