Jonah Curses Morgan's Viewing Figures

There was a lot of hysterics concerning Gordon’s appearance on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories last night with talk about it having “cut through” beyond politics.  Evidence based blogging tells the real story. The  Prime Mentalist was the least popular guest, bar Boris Becker, to ever appear on the show and be reduced to tears by Morgan’s gentle probing:

The widely trailed interview was meant to be a chance for the public to see Gordon’s human side.  The fact that almost double the amount of people cared more about the life of Jordan or Sir Cliff Richard shows just how far he is willing to demean the status  of his office for a couple of thousand swing votes…

Champagne Induced False Memory Syndrome

Guido gatecrashed last night’s launch of Inside Out, Peter Watt’s tell-all book on the dysfunctional Labour Party.  His co-writer Isabel Oakeshott (pictured) looked glamorous rather than ghostly.

Charles Clarke, one of the few people on the planet who dislikes the Prime Mentalist more than Guido, was the only Labour MP spotted at the event.   Button-holing him was an opportunity to verify the truth of a story that has tickled Guido for a while.   The scene was a champagne lubricated event hosted by Blair’s former SpAd turned power lobbyist, Darren Murphy, back in the spring of last year at the time Smeargate was unfolding.  Murphy is of course no friend of Damian McBride.  Alan Milburn, with Charles Clarke at his side, says a few words to the assembled über-Blairites.  He finishes his speech with a smirk and raises his champagne-filled flute  to say “the toast is Guido Fawkes”.

Clarke told Guido grumpily that he had no recollection of the event, so we’ll just have to put it down as apocryphal. Though too much champagne can play tricks with your memory…

UPDATE : Darren Murphy calls to say he didn’t host an event, or pay for the champagne and certainly wasn’t there. Another Labour source says that the gist of the story is true.  Perhaps.

Very Social Media

So from www.EyeSpy.MP Guido learnt that Lembit was on the razz in “the Sports & Social* Weds night regaling a pretty, leggy brunette & a blonde”. From there out of Facebook via a co-conspirator we get this picture…

*A bar in the House of Commons.

Totty Watch : Brown to Win Election!

In Ted Kennedy’s old Massachusetts senate seat it looks likely that it will fall to the Republicans.  Obama has pushed his face on to the Democrat branding in a risky bid to retain the seat and crucially his filibuster blocking sixty in the Senate, but polls are showing America’s former “Sexiest Man”, Scott Brown in the lead. Well if a comedian like Al Franklin can do it…

Totty Watch : Hot Under the CCHQ Collar

Guess why Lord Strathride turned up to the CCHQ phone banking launch party last week:

Seems Pickles is rather fond of the CCHQ receptionist too…

Berlusconi's Buxom Blonde Babe

Silvio Berlusconi pictured with a pretty blonde is hardly news.  Michaela Biancofiore is an MP in his party, she popped in to see him last week to celebrate her fortieth birthday with the billionaire.

Michaela chose the interesting cake design herself.

Can you imagine Harriet Harman celebrating Gordon’s sixtieth birthday with a picture of herself looking buxom and being groped by her party leader?  Come to  that, can you imagine Gordon groping a buxom blonde?

No me neither…

'The John Bercow Guide' on How to Pick Up Drunk Women

Yesterday Mrs Bercow told the Standard of her “ladette” two bottles of wine and one night stands past. Many often wonder how the pint-sized Speaker managed to end up with the six foot something “cross between Jerry Hall, Lady Macbeth and Eva Peron” and now thanks to this morning’s Metro everything becomes clearer:

Speaker John Bercow has been credited as the author of a sex tip guide which told men how to “pick up drunk girls … ‘The John Bercow Guide’ to understanding women” appeared in ‘Armageddon’, a Conservative student magazine, in 1986 – when Bercow was a Lambeth councillor. The guide included categories on ‘How to pick up drunk girls’, ‘How to pick up virgins’, ‘How to pick up refined girls’, ‘How to get rid of a girl during sex’ and ‘How to get rid of a girl after sex’.

Like global warming, the John Bercow Guide’s pick-up strategies are an interesting theory.  Guido isn’t entirely sure lines like “If you’re free later maybe we could go back to your place and name your breasts” ever really work.  In fact funnily enough Guido can’t recall Bercow even having a girlfriend back in those days.  Anyway he has done well to land an experienced girl like Sally, particularly now she has sobered up.

Guido thinks Sally looks vaguely familiar, but it was over a decade ago, Guido was very, very drunk that night and was never good at remembering names…

UPDATE : Bad Al Campbell, another reformed drunk, is sticking up for Sally. What a surprise…

Wife Swapping MPs Wrong

wife_swapIt is so obvious that if MPs spouses and children are not only banned from working for them, but for other MPs as well, they will simply do a bit of wife swapping to keep the money rolling in.  Wives will work for MPs other than their husbands.  Whenever Guido argues that it is nepotistic it is often a step too far for political audiences.   They invariably argue it is (a) cost effective (b) conducive to family life (c) they never abuse the system / underpay themselves.

Guido counters that it is too open to abuse, that it goes against well established civil service principles that hires should be selected openly and on merit.  How are taxpayers to distinguish between those who abuse the system and those that don’t?  This sort thing would not be tolerated by shareholders as a matter of course, where it does happen in the private sector (Murdoch’s News Corp for example) the family usually has a significant stake in the business.  In a democracy, politics should not be a family business.

Guido thinks that regrettably, those who have abused the system have made it necessary to ban MPs’ partners and children from working in parliament.  The Kelly report should recommend an end to the practice.  The Shadow Kelly Report certainly took the tough line.

RAF Blonde Bombshell Mocks Gordon Brown's Leadership

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.3551119&w=425&h=350&fv=videoid%3D42973512001]

A month after Gordon Brown appeared at the International Institute for Strategic Studies (on the day Eric Joyce resigned)  he was followed yesterday by General Stanley McChrystal, the US commander in Afghanistan.

General McChrystal called for the war to be prosecuted  vigourously with more resources. […]

+ READ MORE +

Tories Thrash Labour

edelman-roundersThe annual parliamentary staff rounders and picnic competition saw the Tories beat Labour 32 1/2 to 17.  Sadly, no pictures of the totty have reached Guido.  Very sad…

UPDATE : Guido pulled a few strings, and here is the victorious Tory Totty Team:

Tory-Team[…]

+ READ MORE +

And the Winner of the Caption Contest is….

drudge_obamaIf Matt could send his home address and his T-shirt size Guido we’ll see what we can dig out…

Drudge reckons ABC News is covering for Barack in this video report.  Guido thinks Obama is following that old proverb, “when in Rome do as the Romans do”.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Berlusconi's G8 Co-Hostess Looks Great

On the left is the Berlusconi appointed Italian Equal Opportunities Minister: Mara Carfagna.  On the right is a picture of her before she got that job.  Clearly she is well qualified…

Silvio’s wife is divorcing him for cavorting with various young women and embarrassing her innumerable times. […]

+ READ MORE +

Libertas Demands Exposure of MEPs Expenses

Yesterday Guido did momentarily consider voting for Fine Gael, Libertas however have guaranteed one more vote in Wexford today.  This is obviously not some cheap photo-opportunity publicity stunt putting words in the mouth of page three girl Amy Diamond :“I am delighted to bare all for Libertas.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Totty Watch : Fine Gael's Fine Girl

 

emma-kiernanThis is Emma Kiernan, who is standing for Fine Gael on Newbridge Town Council, Kildare, Ireland.  Guido was until now thinking of voting for Libertas in Ireland.  This could change things.  She certainly looks a lot different from her official photo which, unlike this Facebook picture, is not splashed all over the Irish media and political blogs.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Expenses Freedom of Information : Villains and Heroes

We know who the villains of this charade have been; the Speaker, the backbenchers of the parliamentary Labour and Conservative Parties.  Gordon Brown has nothing to be proud of, he constantly failed to push reform forward because he could not carry his backbenchers. […]

+ READ MORE +

Berlusconi's Euro-Babes

Guido’s favourite euro-politician and media magnate, Silvio Berlusconi, understands that politics is showbusiness for ugly people and he wants to change it into a more pure showbusiness.  You can perhaps understand why with that kind of insight he is a billionaire.[…]

+ READ MORE +



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