Larry Is In Love

Forget PMQs, forget NHS reform, forget the 5op tax rate, forget the abortion debate, Paul Waugh has today’s biggest breaking news – Larry the Downing Street cat is a bit of a lad:

“Maisy, the cat kept at the St James’ Park keeper’s cottage, has hooked up with Larry. Insiders relate that the PM’s moggy goes out all night and spends much of the day sleeping off his exploits”

Pussy galore!

Tory MP’s Model Daughter and the Facebook Mob

Just when the Tories abandoned their plans to ban Facebook, you can bet one backbench MP is cursing social media after a hundred-strong mob crashed his daughter’s party at their £2.25 million home. Neighbours described the event as “very noisy” and “an awful experience”. Kirby has a slender 1,328 majority…

Aspiring model Briony Kirby, daughter of the Tory MP for Brighton Kempton, Simon Kirby, called the coppers as the gatecrashers got out of hand. Her mother, who was on holiday when things got out of hand, told the Mail “These days, you have Facebook and mobile phones. You’re just stumped.” Ban it!

Totty Watch: Right Wing Headbanger

Guido had to chuckle at this clip dug out from an episode of MTV’s Headbangers Ball by Total Politics. Check out everyone’s favourite party girl turned MP, Louise Mensch, in all her nineties glory:

Guido also found this one in the Oxford student newspaper archives:

LibDems Like Strippers After All

Simon Cooper has been the LibDem HQ “Digital Media & Content” techie since June. His CV has all the hallmarks of a self-made social media guru, yet he seems to have fallen at the first hurdle. Any good web advisor would of course recommend a good clean-up of a personal Facebook account and a tinkering with the privacy settings:

What would LibDem Equalities Minister Lynne Featherstone have to say about all this?

Well funnily enough:

Guido understands the social media world this is technically considered “a fail”.

Bryony Gordon is in Love with Handsome Journalist

Blog favourite Bryony Gordon has taken to the pages of the Telegraph to declare her undying love for a fellow hack. She describes in detail how smitten she is with this “beefcake, hunk, my hero”. And who is this “chiselled god of news” that sends her weak at the knees?

Sky’s riot hero Mark Stone, of course, who else?

Apparently They’re All Sexy MPs

Belligerent old socialist Paul Flynn has come out with a corker with his updated Westminster survival guide:

“For reasons that are inexplicable, MPs – even the most superficial, unattractive, mis-shapen ones – are attractive to the other sex. It does present serious problems of going astray. There is a magnetism to this.”

The 76 year old advice for avoiding unwanted chemical attractions ranges from taking regular cold baths, thinking about death and “recognising the transitory nature of sexual relations”. Guido would have thought a big grey beard would be enough to solve any problems, but then that never stopped old Mike Hancock…

Scandalous European Parliament Email Triggers Gossipping

The following was sent to over 6,000 European Parliament email addresses this morning. As far as Guido’s Euro-sources can tell, it’s the real deal. The official who sent it had been off ill, came in today to send the email, and promptly walked out. There has been a frantic scramble to try delete it across the Parliament’s network:

Dear Secrétaire général,

Dear Freddy,

So I’ve taken the decision to resign from the PE [European Parliament] because I’ve learned some funny things about you. In effect, it would seem that you are fucking █████ and that also, you are eating the pussies of ████, ████ and ████. Don’t you think that’s shameful? These women hold interesting positions and even though others are qualified, we remain blocked. Little █████ is even a civil servant but she has never passed the course. █████ has never passed a course and she is █████████, and she has been at the PE for 10 years. So, if it’s necessary to suck the SG’s [Secrétaire Général] cock to get a position, it’s truly fucking disgusting.

It’s the same thing for the mother ██████, she’s had a child by the old ████████ ████████ and she is the SGA. [Secrétaire Général’s Assistant]

So have a good return to parliament after your well deserved holiday.

Ciao

Mari-No

Faithful servant of Princess L (AKA the Slut Princess)

The original, in French, was sent to the Secrétaire Général of the European Parliament, Klaus Welle, and Freddy Drexler, the Chef de Cabinet of the President.

Guido has redacted some of the names involved, but tongues are certainly wagging in Brussels…

Via the original that was posted by England Expects and thanks to the many Twittering translators.

How to Handle a Story

It’s rare that a press release makes Guido laugh. Normally it would take the fake exchange of kind words between a PM and a outgoing Cabinet member, but Louise Mensch’s hit the mark.  This allegation was put to Mensch, née Bagshawe by investigative hack David Jones:

Whilst working at EMI, in the 1990s, you took drugs with Nigel Kennedy at Ronnie Scott’s in Birmingham, including dancing on a dance floor, whilst drunk, with Mr Kennedy, in front of journalists. Photos of this exist.

And the reply:

Although I do not remember the specific incident, this sounds highly probable. I thoroughly enjoyed working with Nigel Kennedy, whom I remember with affection. Additionally, since I was in my twenties, I’m sure it was not the only incident of the kind; we all do idiotic things when young. I am not a very good dancer and must apologise to any and all journalists who were forced to watch me dance that night at Ronnie Scott’s.

Seems to have done the trick…

Suspicion That Surely Sophie Sutcliffe Saw

Awkward questions about Labour’s Shadow Culture Minister Ivan Lewis, aides and mobile phones are nothing new, however Guido has been musing that his current choice of Political Advisor might be a little more damaging than his sex-text-pest past. Given […]

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Get Your Vote Out For the Lads

Meet Diana of “Putin’s Army”. She promises to “tear my clothes off for Putin”, and encourages other girls to strip to win an iPad:

Guido predicts an upward surge in the polls.[…]

+ READ MORE +

$400 to Lie on Caroline Flint

If a politician is particularly successful, or spectacularly bad, they might get a book written about them. At the last election all sorts of tat from loo-rolls to bottle openers were emblazoned with out leaders faces. It is however a […]

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Inflation Outlook: Lindsay Lohan on Monetary Policy


Monetary policy arguments can sometimes seem other-worldly, the modern equivalent of the medieval intellectual battle over how many angels can dance on the head of a pinhead? Guido (neo-Hayekian) has been rowing with Will Straw (neo-Keynesian) for years – our […]

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