You would, wouldn’t you?* Guido couldn’t help noticing when watching the Democrat and Republican conventions that the Republicans were better groomed and better looking. Forza Italia look like they have just come off the catwalk. Are right-of-centre types universally better looking than their left-of-centre counterparts?

1 – Shaun Bailey, 37, 2 – Mark Clarke, 31, 3 – Joanne Cash, 38, 4 – Annunziata Rees-Mogg, 29, 5 - Peter Lyburn, 24, 6 – Charlotte Leslie, 29, 7 – Jeremy Brier, 27, 8 – Nicola Blackwood, 28, 9 – Helen Whately, 32, 10 – Kulveer Ranger, 33.

People asking what did David Davis achieve with his “Freedom By-Election” might be surprised to discover that he appears to have won over a convert. The news is that Miss Great Britain, Gemma Garrett, is switching political allegiances to the Tories. Excellent news, it was not all in vain after all. She will make a glamorous addition to the candidates list.

Politics is not exclusively “showbiz for ugly people” after all.

The Daily Mail’s politicial editor, Ben Brogan has a very dry blog, read widely in the Westminster Village. It has never had much of a popular following for some reason. Here however is his excellent report on the flight arrangements for the PM’s visit to Tokyo. Guido welcomes his more populist style…

A Guido co-conspirator on his way to Westminster yesterday morning snapped this picture on his phone-cam. The man at the back has taken off his wig, perhaps because of the warm sunshine, to reveal a bald spot. The big broad-shouldered man at the front in the coat, skirt and high heels is marching purposefully towards Westminster bridge.

At first the co-conspirator suspected a terror threat – heavy coats on hot day, bulky bags, quick Sir Iain, shoot ‘em. Closer observation alerted him to their feminine disguises. He thought Guido’s readers might be able to answer his questions about these gentlemen (they might, given the direction they were headed in, even be readers).

The Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, tops the lesbian romantic rankings, scooping over a third (34%) of the gay female vote in an online “Lust for Power” poll of hundreds of gay singles conducted by gay-PARSHIP.co.uk.

Amongst single lesbians, Britain’s first female Home Secretary proves big-in-the-ballots as the most desired lesbian date with British female politician:

Post-lunch Guido peruses Nadine’s blog to discover a picture of her comely researcher, one Jenny Dorries, and Nadine has this to say:

If Michael Crick or any other journalist would like to check it out she is working from my staff office, just be our guest. Is there a better communication tool than a blog?

No of course not, so Guido calls Nadine’s office; “Is Jenny there?” “No she has just popped out” comes the reply. Guido leaves his number for her to call back. Seconds pass… ring, ring. A lioness roars down the line in tones that remind Guido of Mrs Fawkes. Nadine is not impressed. Guido protests that she did invite calls. She also complains about the blog’s coverage of Caroline Spelman. Guido points out she never called about Guido’s coverage of Beckett’s pergola or Follet’s window cleaning at our expense. We agree to differ.

Elsewhere on her blog Nadine laments

“The frenzied attack against Conservative MPs and MEPs, orchestrated by and emanating from the left wing BBC and press has equalled that of an animal in its death throes. The more terminal the position looks for Labour, the more desperate the BBC and left wing press become. The incoming Conservative government has many big dragons to slay, the BBC has to be the biggest.”

Yes, Guido and those horrible left-wingers at Open Europe must be desperately trying to prop up the Labour Party. Guido wonders aloud to Nadine whether, just maybe, Spelman’s troubles might come from another direction, after all, the Whip’s office knew of her misdemeanor, perhaps others in CCHQ knew as well? Some of those Tory MEPs she was threatening have been around a while, they are not entirely without friends – people do gossip – black books are kept. Maybe they also knew Michael Crick’s phone number? Isn’t it more likely to be Blue-on-Blue shooting than originating from the BBC’s red dragons? Nadine went quiet for a moment… briefly.

Berlusconi is likely to appoint Mara Carfagna, a former Miss Italy contestant and Forza Italia party activist, as Minister for the Family. Silvio has promised to appoint women to a third of his cabinet posts. Obviously he is a feminist…

Guido has a soft spot for Silvio and is looking forward to his return to power, not least because he comes out with crackers like this:

“The left has no taste, not even when it comes to women… As for ours being more beautiful, I say that because in parliament they have no competition.”

Guido thinks he has a point, and old Silvio knows a thing or two about women. It seems like only yesterday that a paparazzo got a long lens shot of the pocket billionaire canoodling with a couple of young women.

Conservative women age better than lefty ladies claims Silvio. Maybe it is because they give personal grooming a higher priority, wear more expensive clothes, spend more on cosmetics and at their hairdressers, or just have better taste – who knows? Heterosexual men have little understanding of the mechanics, they just admire the result. Of course there are splendid exceptions, however in general, once they get past thirty, the best beauties are more interested in their stock portfolios than social justice. No doubt this will be condemned as a thoughtcrime, it is still true though.

The Sunday Mirror’s strange story that a “senior female TV journalist” had allegedly overheard Dave say to his daughter Nancy ‘you look like you’ve fallen out of a council flat’, is so very full of holes. The un-named source was said to have subsequently denied the story to her intermediary, as does Dave himself most emphatically. Rumours went around that ITN’s Cathy Newman was the ultimate source of the story. Guido put the rumour to her directly, she also said emphatically that she had never been to Sam and Dave’s place and it definitely wasn’t her. So who could it be? The story has not been stood up and probably won’t be, yet it might be if we knew the person concerned. Why was the Mirror so shy?

Speculation has now shifted towards Newsnight’s Emily Maitilis – the glossy leggy totty was briefly a contributing editor to the Speccie before the BBC commissars ruled that to be an unacceptable sideline. Do any co-conspirators know if she socialises with Sam and Dave?

UPDATE : A Guido foot soldier emails to point out that Emily told The Observer last year that “I have decided to embrace the new green strategy as exemplified by the Conservatives. I have worked out I can quite happily jog the distance to work as long as I hail a cab first and leave my high heels on the back seat. In the interest of furthering the green cause, I have put a call in to David Cameron to ask if he wants to do a shoe car pool on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. Surely they wouldn’t mind sharing a back seat? Mine are neat, pointed and well-behaved. The red ones always wear a seatbelt and never get sick.”