Tory Sex Scandal: Who Shagged Whom?

The latest revelations in this morning’s Telegraph allege that a 22 year-old activist woke up in a Tory MP’s bed with no memory of the night before. One MP is threatening an injunction, and at least three others have been accused of inappropriately having sexual relations with young volunteers on Mark Clarke’s infamous RoadTrip campaigns. This is Guido’s handy flowchart of who has been bonking whom. It is by no means complete. If you woke up naked next to a Tory MP – or indeed are a Tory MP who woke up naked next to Mark Clarke – and can’t remember the night before, call Guido’s helpline on 0709 284 0531…

Bonfire of the Lads Mags: Zoo and FHM Shuttered

A sad day for connoisseurs of gentlemen’s magazines this morning as both FHM and Zoo announce within a few minutes of each other that they will be suspending publication. Nuts and Loaded are long gone and follows on from the announcement from Playboy that they are dropping pictures of naked women. FHM say:

“Unfortunately it’s true and it has been announced today the intention to suspend publication of FHM. It’s been an absolute joy producing the magazine over the years. Thank you for all your support, we will keep you updated with developments over the coming weeks.”

While Zoo confirm:

“It is with regret we have to inform you of the intention to suspend publication of ZOO. We’ve loved every minute of the near 12 years and 600-plus issues we’ve shared with you and would like to thank each and every one of you who’ve been there with us along the way.”

Heavy job losses are expected.

Their parent company Bauer say in a statement: “Over time young men’s media habits have continually moved towards mobile”. This infographic explains exactly what is happening:

PORN-MOBILE

The decline of lad’s mags correlates with the rise of big screen mobiles resulting in a more pleasurable online handheld experience…

Telegraph Frees the Nipple

The paper of Bill Deedes has crossed the Rubicon and freed the nipple. Scroll down on this click-chasing article about “72 hour drug-fuelled sex binges” and readers of Her Majesty’s Telegraph are confronted with a stock photo of a lady whose arm doesn’t quite cover her modesty:

A change in policy, or was it a big boob?

Tom Bradby Sex Appeal Figures Sexed Up

“Tom Bradby is so hot he got 500,000 new viewers,” claims a headline in the Times today. It follows on from yesterday’s puff piece reporting ITV News at Ten “has put on half a million viewers since Tom Bradby began presenting”. The generous write-up claimed:

“Average viewing figures for the ITV bulletin over the past three weeks have risen to two million — up by half a million on September averages.”

Has Bradby’s sex appeal really made such a remarkable difference?

Industry insiders tell Media Guido that, actually, the ITV News at Ten numbers are flat. In the three weeks since Bradby took over, reliable sources say ITV News at Ten has scored above two million on just three nights. The ratings have reached c1.9 million on zero nights, c.1.8 million on one night, c.1,7 million on six nights, c1.6 million on 2 nights and c1.5 million on 2 nights. The “half a million” headline figure is as sexed up as their new choice of host…

UPDATE: The BBC hit back as the 10pm flame war intensifies:

UPDATE II: Here are the ITV figures in full since Bradby took over. Last night’s numbers take the average just above 2 million:

Labour Peer’s Sex-Driven Politics

Baroness Young of Old Scone has been over-sharing in the Lords, revealing that it was being provided the contraceptive pill aged 16 by Harold Wilson’s government that led her to support the Labour Party. Poor old Lord Blencathra didn’t know where to look when she started talking about how she “had a good Scottish diet and was very precocious for my age”:

Baroness Young of Old Scone (Lab): I was born in Scotland and I was brought up in a Scottish Conservative household. When I was 16 I thought that the election result, when a Labour Government was returned after 13 years of what is now known as Tory misrule, was the end of the world. I had been taught to believe that. Two years later I was canvassing for Labour in the election.

What changed me was that at the age of 16 I could get pregnant. At that time I could not get birth control in this country at that age. During that period, when I was aged 16 or 17, the first Brook Advisory Centre opened in Edinburgh. I could then go on the pill. Quite frankly, it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. The knowledge that I could not get proper support for being sexually active—I had had a good Scottish diet and was very precocious for my age—was what politicised me. I have no qualms about announcing that here tonight

Not the first person to get into politics for the sex…

Attractive Women Say We Need to Stop Climate Change

totty green

Supermodel Cameron Russell is taking time out from her job as professional clothes horse to lead an army of models demanding “climate justice” from world leaders. Cameron and her high cheek-boned cohorts have taken to Instagram, posting selfies and sharing their thoughts on carbon emission, such as this recent missive from Russell herself:

“Yesterday, Hurricane Patricia made landfall in Mexico. It was the strongest hurricane ever recorded.This massive storm was a powerful wake-up call. And this week #exxonknew has been trending after journalists uncovered that ExxonMobil, the world’s largest and most powerful oil company, knew everything there was to know about climate change by the mid-1980s, and then spent the next few decades systematically funding climate denial and lying about the state of the science.”

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They almost have Gaia convinced…

Heidi Allen: Osborne “Out of Touch… Betraying Who We Are”

Well, new Tory MP Heidi Allen’s maiden speech will have gone down like a cup of cold sick in the Treasury. Her withering attack on tax credit reform accused Osborne, among other things, of being “out of touch” and “betraying who we are“. And asking “how many of us really know what it feels like?” is golden ammo for Labour. Clearly Heidi doesn’t fancy a promotion in the next ten years…

At least some people liked it:

Incidentally, Heidi was the MP who told LBC she couldn’t see Osborne as PM. Why doesn’t she just JOIN LABOUR?

Environment Minister Totty Watch: Juicy Jaime Edition

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The latest in our ongoing series of environmental totty is juicy Jaime Herrera Beutler, the Representative for Washington’s 3rd congressional district. A former chair of the House’s Water Resources and Environment committee, Beutler is famous for her fight against US Environmental Protection Agency’s plans to reclassify every “ditch” as “navigable waters” so they could regulate them.

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She looks like a glass half full kind of gal…

Stephen Tall’s Naked Streak Down Whitehall

Fair play to LibDem blogger Stephen Tall, who lost his bet on how many seats his party would get at the election and has honoured his promise to streak down Whitehall naked:

[…]

+ READ MORE +

June Sarpong Yoof Stunt Backfires

In an effort to connect with the yoof, Britain Stronger in Europe wheeled out early-2000s T4 host June Sarpong to introduce their campaign. Turns out a lot of young people have no idea who she is…

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Environment Minister Totty Watch: Shinzo Babe Edition

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The latest hottie to join our run down of sexy green politicians is former television anchorwoman Tamayo Marukawa, who was appointed Japan’s environment minister on Wesnesday by Prime Minister Shinzo Abe. Marukawa’s first order of business will be to oversee the building of storage and disposal facilities to deal with Fukushima’s radioactive waste.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Strictly De Kirchner

Well-known Corbynista and Argentinian President Cristina de Kirchner has delighted supporters by spontaneously dancing at a campaign rally in Buenos Aires:

This isn’t the first time she has let loose, having cut some shapes to Ninel Conde’s “El bombón asesino” in December of last year:

Partying like it’s 1983…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Sam Cam’s Chic £150 Conference Dress

sam cam dress

Samantha Cameron stepped at conference today in a £150 “poppy red” dress from Whistles. She teamed the textured crepe number that Whistles claims is designed to “flatter the silhouette” with a sensible pair of grey suede heels from L.K.Bennett. […]

+ READ MORE +

Environment Minister Totty Watch: Bucha-Breast Edition

udrea totty

The latest addition to our popular series of sizzling green politicians is the sensational one time Romanian presidential candidate Elena Udrea. Before she was forced out of the People’s Movement Party by a corruption scandal, Elina served as Romania’s Minister of the Environment and Sustainable Development.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Energy Minister Totty Watch: All Star Edition

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This weeks addition to our increasingly popular parade of environmentally conscious lovelies is the scintillating U.S. Representative for South Dakota Kristi Noem. Kristi is an ardent advocate of ending US dependence on foreign oil and has used her position on The House Committee on Natural Resources to back offshore oil drilling, subsidies for oil companies and the Keystone XL Pipeline.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Environment Minister Totty Watch: Laissez Phwoar Edition

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The latest instalment in our ever-popular run down of the world’s hottest green politicians is the delightful French député Nathalie Kosciusko-Morizet. NKM, as she is known on the streets, is a long time environmental campaigner who served as Minister for the Environment in Sarkozy’s government.[…]

+ READ MORE +



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team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Owen Smith backs one hour contracts but wants to abolish zero hours contracts:

“You need to give people a contract to say, ‘here’s what you will be working’. It could be one, but I’m saying it shouldn’t be zero, we should invert that emphasis.”

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