Burkini Unbanned!

Shanzay-Hayat-OOH-LA-AKBAR

Guido was concerned that burkini wearing fair-skinned Irish girls would no longer be able to protect themselves from harmful UV rays on the beaches in the South of France as a result of the ban. Good news for freedom lovers, as France’s top administrative court strikes down the Villeneuve-Loubet burkini ban. Women on the Riviera who have already faced fines even have the chance to appeal. The suspension means Muslim beauties like Miss Pakistan World, Shanzay Hayat, above, can wear what they like to the beach again. Ooh la akbar!

Hypocrisy of Holier-Than-Thou HuffPo

Fresh from HuffPo attacking hairdressers who failed to pay minimum wage, despite being themselves being sued for not paying writers minimum wage or indeed any wage at all, they switched to coverage of Olympics coverage. Specifically the presenters lack of skin coverage…

huff

HuffPo are delighting social justice warriors with their coverage of BBC presenter Helen Skelton at the Olympics. While other media has noted Helen’s short skirts in Rio, holier-than-thou HuffPo mocked their rivals with the headlines “Woman Wears Dress” and “Woman Who Wore Dress Also Owns Bra”Take that, MailOnline!

Yet a quick browse of the HuffPo site reveals they are obsessed with pointing out women wearing revealing clothes. Currently racking up the clicks on HuffPo today are stories about Kylie Jenner wearing a “naked jumpsuit”, Bella Hadid’s “nearly naked trend”, and another Kylie story about her “underboob”. Funny that these stories were not titled “Woman Wears Dress” too. Hypocritical HuffPo are feminists only when it’s good for traffic…

Captain Europe’s Sexy Wrestling Fetish

captain

Readers may remember Captain Europe, the eccentric cape-wearing ‘superhero’ enlisted to make the case for Remain. Perhaps it should come as no surprise that a federast who likes to dress up in latex would have some exotic tastes. A browse of who the Captain follows on Twitter shows he has a keen interest in sexy wrestling dominatrix sites. “Pippa the Ripper”, for example, runs “The Submission Room”, where blokes pay for a spanking from ladies with names like “Killpussy“. Captain Europe just loves getting beat… 

Hillary Leads By 7 Points, Melania Trump Girl-on-Girl

Melania

There are two major stories stateside today: Hillary Clinton has taken a 7 point lead in the polls and nude photos have emerged of Melania Trump in some racy girl-on-girl action. Hillary leads 46-39 in a new CBS national poll, a convention bounce after she was tied with the Donald last week. Meanwhile the NY Post has dug out some pics of a young Melania in bed with a Scandinavian model, published by a French lads’ mag in 1995. And now you’re up to date.

Lily Cole Fronts BBC “CEO Secrets” Series After Running Company Into Ground

lily cole

Who have the BBC got to front their new “CEO Secrets” series? Model, actor, and “entrepreneur” Lily Cole has been offering her “tips for business success”:

“Believe in what you’re doing and know why you’re doing it, so it’s very hard to run a business, and there’s going to be up and down moments, and in those down moments what pulls you through is, you know, inner conviction of knowing why you’re doing what you’re doing and believing in it.” 

Inspiring stuff.

In other news, Lily’s taxpayer-subsidised social network Impossible.com has reported losses of £256,000 in 2015 and £250,000 in 2014. That’s despite taking a huge £200,000 grant from the Cabinet Office in 2013. The site achieved just 45,000 visitors last month. Please, Lily, tell us your secret…

Tom Watson Hires Steve Coogan’s 19 Year-Old Daughter as Aide

clare coogan cole

Tom Watson has hired Steve Coogan’s 19 year-old daughter as his parliamentary aide. Clare Coogan Cole is Coogan’s daughter by his ex-girlfriend Anna Cole, who dumped him after he admitted cheating on her with model Nancy Sorrell and two other beauties. Coke ‘n hookers aficionado Coogan became close friends with fellow enemy-of-press-freedom Watson during their time campaigning for Hacked Off. He went on to star in several high profile Labour campaigns including Watson’s Save the NHS tour. Generous of Watson to repay the favour with a paid job for Coogan’s daughter, who no doubt was hired on merit in an open, full and fair recruitment process. A taxpayer-funded favour for his multi-millionaire Murdophobe mate… up the workers!

How the Husbands Measure Up

Philip John May (above left)

Age: Something of a toy boy, 58 year-old Philip is a year younger than Theresa, and was two years below her at Oxford!

Job: A banker for nearly four decades, he works at Capital International. This won’t be the last you hear of Philip’s investment firm during the next two months.

How did they meet? You all know this one – introduced by Benazir Bhutto at a student disco of course!

What he says about her: Asked if Theresa used to be a corker, Philip says: “Was? She still is!” 

Cheeky fact: Philip convinced Theresa to take part in a debate on why “sex is great” at Oxford.

Strengths: He’s a savvy chap, in the last few days he’s deleted his LinkedIn page.

Weaknesses: Victim of a wacky online conspiracy theory involving Philip and G4S which could’ve been shut down sooner.

What others say: Friends once remarked: “There is no jealousy there as you might sometimes get. Not an iota of that, on the contrary. Denis minus the drinks cabinet.”

Ben Leadsom (above right)

Age: Flaxen-haired Ben hits 50 this month, three years younger than Andrea!

Job: Holds 16 company directorships, house husband.

How did they meet? The City, natch.

What he says about her:Andy” is Ben’s affectionate nickname for Andrea – well she does wear the trousers!

Cheeky fact: A keen dancer, Ben once entered Strictly Come Towcester, wearing a quite spectacular Union Jack waistcoat.

Strengths: Managed to win Andrea’s heart ahead of love rivals allegedly including her campaign manager Tim Loughton!

Weaknesses: Reported as having received offshore loans, though insists it was nothing to do with tax.

What others say: Andrea admits that more often than not she ends up “leaving Ben to deal with the mess, the noise, the chaos” at home.

So who will be our second First Husband?

Gove Goes Commando and Demands “Nubile Young Girl” Inspects Him

Guido has unearthed footage that will surely send shockwaves through the Tory leadership election. A 20 year-old kilt-wearing Gover stood up at the Oxford Union, removed his boxer shorts and demanded a  “nubile young girl” checks whether or not he is wearing a “diamond-studded leather posing pouch”. We’ve all done it.

Can Michael Gove Make Sarah Happy?

Michael Gove, Member of Parliament

Michael Gove and his columnist wife Sarah Vine are clearly a close couple, today’s email reveals they are political co-conspirators as well. Pictured here on a post-Brexit stroll, the Justice Secretary is definitely sporting more than just a victor’s grin. Is that a post-Brexit plan or is Michael just happy to see Sarah?[…]

+ READ MORE +

Gun Totin’ MI6 Spy Boss Daughter’s Musical Remain Endorsement

Corinne+Sawers+#bremain

Corrine Sawers, the Remainer pop-video director with a star wailing that she “don’t want to be dancing on my own”, might be more familiar to Guido readers as the gold Kalshnikov wielding daughter of former MI6 spy chief Sir John Sawers.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Bum-ga, Bum-ga! Italian Politician’s Peachy Message to Voters

mario poster

Sex scandals and corruption rarely hold Italian politicians back. In the North Italian city of Bologna, known as “il rosso” (the red) due to it’s large lefty student population (it has a street named after Stalingrad), one candidate is using an age old tactic to stand out.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Tory Hunk’s Taxpayer-Funded Social Media Juice

mercer fb

Soapy hunk Johnny Mercer should have no problem getting social media followers. Those shower commercials should mean he has all the ingredients required for likes, follows, and re-tweets galore. Surprising then that this Tory totty has charged the taxpayer £2,500 on expenses for “professional services” on social media management.[…]

+ READ MORE +

MILF Fan Tory Claims “I Was Hacked”

Hull Daily Mail

Yesterday’s story Top Tory Copper in MILF Porn Shocker, about the Twitter favouriting of MILF porn stars by Humberside deputy police and crime commissioner and Councillor Paul Robinson hit the front page of his local paper the Hull Daily Mail this morning.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Totty Watch Poll

totty

Debate swirls in Westminster about Tory MP Col Bob Stewart’s use of the word “totty” to describe the Speccie’s Isabel Hardman…

Isabel Oakeshott says: “Strong women don’t need to whine about sexists calling us ‘totty’”

Isabel Hardman says: “that is NOT on and lobby women shouldn’t have to put up with it. 

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Budget Flash Back

Theresa May

Last year’s Budget saw Theresa May’s eye-catching number cause more of a stir on Twitter than George Osborne. This year T-May has worn an identical outfit (except for her iconic shoes) – cue identical results:

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Irish Election Special: Fine Gal

FINEGAL

One candidate for the upcoming Irish general election stands out somewhat. Running as an independent in Dublin Fingal, law lecturer Roslyn Fuller previously released racy pics for a calendar, Wikilicious, in defence of Edward Snowden. Roslyn’s pitch to the voters:

“… condemn me as a harlot if you will, but the fact remains that if we are serious about wanting to fix the problems in our society, including those revealed by whistle-blowers like Edward Snowden or Chelsea Manning, we’re all going to have to put our money where our mouth is and get used to getting out of our comfort zones”

Freedom for whistleblowers, and the nipple…[…]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Heather Wheeler talks to Burton Mail about her tweet…

“It was a tongue in cheek pop after the European Parliament tweet – it was purely that. I also wanted to congratulate Team GB on a brilliant result and thirdly congratulate the Commonwealth countries who also did very well. Fourth, I am also looking forwarded to establishing new trade agreements. That was it – nothing more. Let’s just enjoy the summer!”

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