Theresa May Slams “Scaremongering” Police Federation

Theresa May stood up in front of the Police Federation this afternoon and tore them a new one:

“This weekend the federation warned that spending reductions mean that we will be forced to adopt a paramilitary style of policing in Britain. Today you said that neighbourhood police officers are an endangered species.

I have to tell you that this kind of scaremongering does nobody any good. It doesn’t serve you, it doesn’t serve the officers you represent and it does not serve the public.

In 2002 you said David Blunkett had done more harm to the police in five minutes than others have taken years to do. In 2004 you said Labour were going to destroy policing in this country for ever. And in 2007 you said the government had betrayed the police.

Now, I disagree with Labour policies, but even I don’t think those things are true.

You said police officers were demoralised in 2002, 2004 and 2007 and 2012. You warned of police officers’ anger in 2002, 2005 and 2008. And you warned that the police and the public were being put in danger in 2001, 2004 and 2007.

The truth is that crime fell in each of those years. It has fallen further since, and our country is safer than it has ever been.

So, please, for your sake, and for the thousands of police officers who work so hard every day, this crying wolf has to stop.”

To polite applause…

Hilton’s Hipsters & High Tories

hilton-more-human

Tonight’s launch party for Steve Hilton’s new book More Human brought out an A-list crowd of high Tories and hipsters. Held in Rohan Silva’s SecondHome tech hub in East London it was more a Cameroon re-union party than a book launch. In the wigwam Hilton, dressed appropriately in guru colours of yellow and orange, held court to a crowd including David Cameron and George Osborne as well as Cabinet ministers from past and present. Jeremy Hunt mingled with the likes of Lord Heseltine and Lord Howard among internet hipsters whilst entertained by a Hungarian folk band – much to the amusement of Steve Hilton’s mum. This was the authentic über-modernisers wigwam in which Rohan invited the assembled great and the good to wander barefoot…

Hilton’s speech was one of thanks and a lighthearted powerpoint remembering his time on Team Cameron. He spoke of the stream of emails he received in California before the election complaining about the negativity of the Tory campaign, all imploring him to come and bring some sunshine into the Tory message, “I said, look Dave, you hired Lynton Crosby…”.  The PM laughed…

The Hungarian band played on – with the crowd joining in to sing “Happy Birthday” to Oliver Letwin. Heseltine flirted with twentysomethings, Samantha Cameron beamed at Gabby Bertin. All is well now Miliband’s red terror has been defeated. Apart from Steve Hilton wanting to overthrow global capitalism…

Watch also: Steve Hilton’s Trippy Newsnight Segment 

Tory / Bercow Love In Continues

New Tory Party Deputy Chairman Rob Halfon has told The Sun he wants to change the Tory party logo from an tree to a ladder:

“We are the party of the ladder, it was Churchill who first said that. The ladder symbolises everything we’re about. If you’re in poverty we’ll get you into work, if you’re in work we’ll cut your taxes. If you want to own your home, we’ll help you do that too. It’s not just leaving people to climb up it themselves, we hold that ladder for them.”

Re-elected Speaker John Bercow will be pleased, he chose the symbol for his coat of arms:


Though crueller Tories at the time said it represented his social climbing…

Ivan Massow Launch Strikes Sour Note

Some might say mocking up a £100,000 note with your face on it isn’t the best way for a millionaire politician to show he is in touch with the concerns of everyday people. Yet that is what optimistic Tory London mayor hopeful Ivan Massow has done:

Alas, the high production values of his launch video could not entirely compensate for the subject:

Ivan the Terrible…

Ben Harris-Quinney OUT of Bow Group

Following a successful round of media interviews during the election campaign, Guido understands that Bow Group chairman Been Harris-Quinney has decided to step down to spend more time with his numerous other made up jobs. Every single patron of the group blasted BHQ for his Blue-kip endorsement plan so the writing was on the wall.

Whips Warn Newbie MPs To Avoid Guido

Newbie Tory MPs have been warned during an initiation briefing of the perils of Guido.

Tory whips told the fresh meat ‘to just be careful’ when Guido is around…

Meanwhile, you can get in touch to brief against your new colleagues and leak stuff by calling 0709 284 0531 or emailing here.

Discretion (and, more often than not, career advancement) guaranteed…

How Grant Shapps Could Be Back in Cabinet in Just 3 Easy Steps

So, you’ve been demoted from your Cabinet-attending role as Tory party chairman to a lowly junior ministerial role at DfiD. Do not fear! Here is your how-to guide to getting back round the Cabinet table in just three easy steps:

Step One

The government’s decision on airport expansion is a step closer post-election. The LibDems – most importantly Vince Cable – are out and Boris has been given a role where he would not have to resign if the Tory government backs Heathrow. A decision could be made in the next few months…

Step Two

One person who would surely have to honourably fall on her sword if the government chooses Heathrow is Justine Greening. As MP for Putney, opposing a third runway was her main local campaign for re-election. As she says on her website, “Justine has led our community’s campaign against extra aircraft noise from an expanded Heathrow… Justine will continue to stand up for the thousands of residents who are concerned about aircraft noise”. Could she realistically vote for a Heathrow third runway?

Step Three

Who is the junior minister at DfiD who could step up to fill the vacant Secretary of State position in an emergency? Ah yes, the minister of state, one Grant Shapps.

Barring any brewing personal scandal that might slight his good character, there is a route back to the Cabinet table…

Bingle Muses on Losing Friends and Alienating People

Legend in his own lunchtime Peter Bingle must be bitterly regretting sending this most unfortunate tweet – among many – on election day. Good luck to any client the flamboyant Tory PR man now registers he is lobbying the Government on behalf of, as this must count as the Gerald Ratner moment of the campaign. Not sure that many Tory MPs will will be keen to be seen with the lobbyist who tried so hard to trash their saviour!

The New Government in Full

Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury and Minister for the Civil Service
Rt Hon David Cameron MP

HM Treasury
First Secretary of State*, and Chancellor of Exchequer – Rt Hon George Osborne MP
Chief Secretary to the Treasury – […]

+ READ MORE +

Maggie Back in Business

“Sajid, you will protect our great island. You will protect our great island!” […]

+ READ MORE +

Junior Reshuffle as it Happens

Eric Pickles out of the Cabinet, becomes anti-corruption tsar.

Ros Altmann will become Pensions Minister at DWP.

Mark Francois will become Minister of State at DCLG.

Penny Mordaunt will become Armed Forces Minister at MoD.

John Hayes is the new […]

+ READ MORE +

Cabinet Filmed For the First Time

Unprecedented footage as Dave lets the cameras into Number 10 to film Cabinet for the first time…

And […]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Out of the bubble prole Andy Burnham tells Mumsnet

“I’m afraid I’m going to depress you all by saying that I don’t have a sweet tooth and don’t eat biscuits… Give me a beer and chips and gravy any day.”

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