Resignation statement in full:

“I only took up the post of principal treasurer of the party at the beginning of the month and was keen to meet anyone potentially interested in donating.

“As a result, and without consulting any politicians or senior officials in the party, I had an initial conversation with Zenith. No further action was taken by the party.

“However, I deeply regret any impression of impropriety arising from my bluster in that conversation.

“Clearly there is no question of donors being able to influence policy or gain undue access to politicians.

“Specifically, it was categorically not the case that I could offer, or that David Cameron would consider, any access as a result of a donation.

“Similarly, I have never knowingly even met anyone from the Number 10 policy unit. But in order to make that clear beyond doubt, I have regrettably decided to resign with immediate effect.”

Peter Cruddas resigns and kisses goodbye to the traditional peerage. Lord Fink has been brought back to CCHQ as principal treasurer…

When even his friends are openly speculating about his successor you know Fox is in real trouble. Still a chance to back him at evens to be the next to go…

Congratulations are surely in order now Lord Rennard has a new job as an international fundraising consultant. His experience facilitating donations from international business elites, such as for example convicted fraudster Michael Brown, is no doubt the kind of sterling experience that secured this sinecure. Although he forgets to mention that most of the money raised for the 2010 general election was during the year after he was sacked:

“He was the Chief Executive of the Liberal Democrats from 2003 to 2009 during which time he was in charge of election campaigns, organisation and fundraising and personally headed the high net worth donor fundraising programme. Under his direction over six million pounds was raised for the 2010 general election campaign”

Taking personal responsibility for the money raised by colleague Lord Clement Jones, the Party Treasurer, and his team has further endeared him to LibDem colleagues. It doesn’t look as though he will have many junior staff to worry about, the company appears to have only one female trainee for 23 consultants and associates. She might then find herself pulled in too many other directions to service the needs of Lord Rennard. Still happy days… particularly given his very recent retirement on ill health grounds…

Lord Strathclyde is a legend at Tory party conferences, the Leader of the House of Lords throws a decent party and is famous for trying it on with the ladies. With more success than you might imagine…

Birgit Cunningham is older than some of Shagger Strathclyde’s previous conquests. The 48 year-old unmarried single-mother has sold a kiss ‘n tell to the Sunday Mirror revealing that she has been having a seven-year on-off affair with Shagger Strathclyde. This morning punters make him favourite to be the next exit from the cabinet…

UPDATE : Just spotted this Daily Mail profile of Birgit from March 2007 in which she reveals she dated Kevin Costner and William Shatner as well as saying “there are two options for public school girls who get pregnant by accident. The first is running home to Mummy and Daddy. I wasn’t going to do that. I couldn’t possibly live at home. The alternative is to find some rich old guy to rescue you. ’I have to admit I’ve met several. One proposed to me. I thought, do I have to do this for Jack? But I couldn’t. I want a toy boy.” She got a big toy-boy…

UPDATE II : Mail reveals Birgit was the eco-protestor who smeared chocolate eclair in Nick Brown’s face. At the time she was a press officer for the Green Party