Labour haven’t yet been stupid enough to select expenses piggy Joan Ryan as their candidate in Enfield North, though the LibDems really do need to take a look at themselves. They have reselected shamed trougher Richard Younger-Ross, who was kicked out as MP for Teignbridge (now Newton Abbot) in 2010 after infamously claiming £1,235 for four mirrors to furnish his London flat. He also bought a £1,100 stereo system, a £1,475 chest of drawers and a £500 ‘Don Juan’ bookcase with taxpayers’ money. Sure that will reflect well on voters when he knocks on doors in 2015…

Earlier this month Guido revealed that expenses scandal piggy Joan Ryan was begging her local Labour party for support as she tries to run again in 2015. That despite being kicked out by the electorate after claiming £4,500 for work on her second home and having to pay back over £5,000 in mortgage interest. As if having the nerve to show her face in Enfield North again wasn’t enough, now she has been accused of trying to stitch up the Labour selection in neighbouring Enfield Southgate; Guido is told she brought along dozens of new members to the local CLP’s AGM in order to back her pal Ibrahim Dogus. Guido has repeatedly asked Ryan why she is sticking her oar in but for some reason she doesn’t want to talk. Her own former constituents have certainly had enough. This is from her local paper’s letter page this morning:

You’d have thought she would get the message…

There was plenty of your cash being artfully projected up walls in this week’s Sun column. Firstly Guido revealed that NHS England, the new public body set up to implement Tory health reforms, has blown a staggering £177,028 on top-of-the-range iPhones. 400 to be precise – enough to pay for seven newly trained nurses. Which makes you wonder about their “key aim of securing the best possible health outcomes for patients by prioritising them in every decision it makes.”

Over in Parliament, the Men in Tights have awarded snooty wine merchants Ellis of Richmond a £280,000 contract “for the supply of a global selection of quality still and sparkling wines” for the House of Commons wine list. MPs were “seeking to appoint a single supplier, who can demonstrate that they have the ability to consistently supply the best quality Wines, Sparkling Wines, and Champagnes” which “are not widely available on the High Street”.

Of course none of that ordinary common plonk would be good enough for the subsidised boozers who rule over us.

The Men in Tights’ favourite method for blocking the release of awkward information about MPs is citing the Data Protection Act over and over again. Regardless of the fact that the Commons library is funded by the taxpayer, Guido has been told Parliament will not publish the names of books loaned by individual MPs over the last few months. Apparently letting the public know what MPs are doing with their money is a breach of those Honourable Members’ privacy.

Sadly, that means Guido cannot reveal the name of the curious MP who rented – and has not returned – rent boy scandal MP Mark Oaten’s “Screwing Up”, or the fact-finding digger who took out – and kept – Tim Tate’s “Child Pornography: an Investigation”. We will never know the names of the three MPs who are struggling to finish Janan Ganesh’s Osborne biography, they haven’t returned “The Austerity Chancellor” after several months’ hard work. Nor, of course, the would-be red-faced rookies who needed the low down on “How Parliament Works”, and thought it best to keep on to their copy, just in case.  As for the name of the MP who felt the need to lift “The Jew is Not My Enemy”? Guess we’ll never know if the recommendation was on the orders of Nick Clegg…

The fact that Tory MP Stewart Jackson hasn’t even sold his house will make his battle with IPSA’s expensive legal team, Cherie Blair’s Matrix Chambers, all the more interesting. Especially since he isn’t even considering selling up. Guido is however more amused by Jackson’s claim that house prices were falling in his area, so the value of his property couldn’t possibly have increased by 20% as IPSA claim. Which is somewhat ironic given that Jackson’s wife is none other than Daily Express property hack Sarah O’Grady, known for headlines such as “House prices rocket to a three-year high”, “Biggest house price rises in a year”, “House prices surge for second month in a row” and “House prices on rise again”. And many, many more. Stewart obviously isn’t a reader…

Some good news to end the week on: police have handed a file of evidence against Denis MacShane to the CPS.

Decision time…

Read all Guido’s stories on expenses cheat MacShane here.

IPSA has today released details of MPs who made profits on the second home capital gains. Tory Stewart Jackson is being sued for £54,000 after failing to agree a repayment plan. Andy Burnham still owes £2,850.24 after creaming off a £4,456.08 capital gains profit, to be repaid by November this year. John Denham is due to pay back £5,394.80, David Willetts owes £7,230.74, James Paice £9,177.12, Andrew George is paying back ten grand and Brian Donohoe still owes £7,369.36. Philip Hammond is on his last repayment of £34,883.54 capital gains. Most MPs have already paid back the cash they made, David Gauke forked out £26,762.76, John Whittingdale £12,441.00, Tim Yeo £3,215.74, David Jones £81,446.00, Greg Campbell £61,403.18, and Hazel Blears £7,644.00. You can see the details in full here.

Expenses trougher and Labour’s former Enfield North MP Joan Ryan has some nerve. In a letter to her local Labour Party seen by Guido, Ryan begs them for her support, saying she wants to run again in 2015: “we have to select the best candidate to win for Labour in Endfield North… now I’m asking for your support to become Labour’s parliamentary candidate”. Apparently with a straight face, she insists “had it not been for the changes to parliamentary boundaries we would still have a Labour MP in Enfield North”.

Definitely nothing to do with the fact that during the expenses scandal Ryan was exposed as having claimed £4,500 for work on her second home, having to pay back over £5,000 in mortgage interest the following year. Her wikipedia page was mysteriously edited at least ten times from inside the parliamentary estate in an attempt to remove details of her expenses indiscretions. For some reason no mention of any of this in Ryan’s letter. And certainly no apology. Her local party have given her short shrift so far, the final selection meeting is tomorrow…

UPDATE: Ryan’s ex-agent Chris Deacon has come out against her plans for a return:

“I think the membership feels that for us to win we need a fresh, new candidate to take the party forward.”

As Guido reported in his Sun column at the weekend, greedy MPs are asking for even more of our money in expenses cash despite having their staffing budget raised by an unbelievable inflation busting 25% last year. In emails seen by Guido, piggy MPs claim that dealing with an increased number of problems due to cuts to local public advice services means they should be entitled to yet another “substantial” increase. They have been told where to go in no uncertain terms by the clearly unimpressed Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority:

“MPs will be aware that, following a comprehensive review and consultation, we increased the staffing budget by up to 25% in 2012-13. In the current economic climate, we consider this already substantial budget (£144,000 for London Area MPs and £137,200 for Non-London Area MPs) to be at the limit of what we, as a publicly funded body, are able to provide to MPs.”

They have some nerve…

It’s Four in the afternoon, in the middle of the working week.

Do you know where your MP is?

Via @Bishop_of_Souls