Comments in the comments please…
Comments in the comments please…
UPDATE: Fabbers’ tash in all its glory:
Considering the aggregate of recent events Stephen Brine enjoyed quite a range of options with which to open the Government batting at PMQs. He said: “The nightmare of my disbelief at the Opposition Leader’s gay-porn male prostitute front bench million pounds for hard working mums and dads against Ed Miliband’s Welfare party on amphetamines?”
The Prime Minister agreed that there were questions for Labour to answer, about who knew what when, why, whither and who in the Labour party had put the meth in Methodist.
“Edward Miliband!” the Speaker called in such an impartial way that a stress fracture broke out in his forehead.
Ed Miliband rose to speak for the children of Chipping Norton. They were having their Children’s Centre closed. “Children’s lives are being destroyed by the Conservative cost of living crisis,” he said. “Heartbreak soldiers pride in British children with a fair wage, without VAT tax evading fraudsters pouring money into the Conservative party because their leader is a LOSER!”
The Prime Minister handled it with ease and some asperity. “What he doesn’t say, because he’s pathetic, is that now there’ll be one fewer set of school gates where Labour donors can peddle crack cocaine!”
That played into Ed Miliband’s line of attack: “I think we have established that the out of touch Prime Minister just doesn’t understand that the price of crack cocaine now puts it totally beyond the reach of squeezed children who are being forced into coke banks by pay day Tories!”
George Osborne heckled: “Shove it up your forearm with a turkey baster, you sick, bent, rent boys!”
Visibly deflated, the Opposition leader concluded his attack with, “What he has shown today is that he has no answers!”
“I may not have answers,” the Prime Minister laughed, “but you don’t have any questions.”
“Touché,” all sides cried and repaired behind the Speaker’s Chair where the crack pipes are kept.
Note. Reconstruction. Dialogue may not represent actual dialogue. Steve Coogan appeared as David Cameron and Johnny Vegas as Ed Balls. Ed Miliband was played by himself.
Bercow interrupting Cameron just as he was about to slap down Andy Burnham – “I’m not going to take lectures from a govenrment who had patients drinking out of vases” – had the PM properly hitting back at the Speaker. That mooted 1922 letter never came, but the Tories are publicly bashing Bercow again this afternoon.
To be fair to Dave, attacking Labour on Mid Staffs is one of his best lines, so no wonder he was peeved. One that Bercow certainly wouldn’t let go uninterrupted: as neglected patients were forced to drink from vases, Burnham’s department spent £189,637 on bottled water when in government. The champers clearly wasn’t enough…
“He won by a mile,” both sides say.
Which do you prefer? These figures or those figures? The useless or the clueless? The useless clueless or the useless gutless? The one who doesn’t know anything or the one who’s got everything wrong. The one that goes round personally sacking nurses or the one who’s a corrupt mafia-backed mayor?
Or you might prefer the Speaker himself, he called them all, as a whole, “low-grade” and “downmarket”. John Bercow is the Ambassador for Parliament, so that’s quite an assessment from the Chief Outreach Officer.
He put in another cracking anti-Tory performance – and so soon after the one two weeks ago which had the 1922 executive on the point of sending a delegation to him to complain. The delegation idea didn’t work so they were going to send a letter. In the end, they did nothing. The inactivity is something less than masterly.
Emboldened, the Speaker interrupted the Prime Minister again today, as he was winding up for one of his shoutable lines (the PM’s mike gets turned off when the Speaker rises). And Bercow also told him off in a tone of jocular contempt for not answering a question.
The deputy chief whip then tweeted: “PMQs getting like Old Trafford, 5 minutes extra time in the hope that the Reds score a late equaliser.”
What very different reactions to PMQs. Some scored it all Miliband’s way, I gave it half and half, sophisticated pollsters registered everything in between and at either end.
It was, we can agree, less like the Ladies’ tennis we’ve been seeing lately.
Shouty Dave? Perhaps – but then the Speaker organises it that way by letting Labour barrack more loudly. Clever Ed’s cunning questions? Possibly – but there’s still no getting past the comedy teeth and the looming lips.
Ed claimed a consensus on the need to recoup cash from energy company profits – his price freeze or John Major’s windfall tax. John Major who had won a majority, unlike the prime minister. Laughter. Labour resurgent.
The School That Proves Michael Gove Was Right | Toby Young
Full Jenkin/Beckett/Straw Letter to PM | Politics Home
The ‘Buckingham Bonaparte’ is Cornered | Speccie
Coalition: The Movie | Indy
Lefties Moan About Messina Working For Cameron | MSNBC
Karen Danczuk V Louise Mensch: Round 48 | Sun
Jack Straw Slams Bercow | Sky News
Putin Shuts Down Red Square McDonalds | Telegraph
Paper Trail Suggests Ashcroft Still Funding Tories | Indy
Bradford Bun Fight Coming | Speccie
Former Minister’s Join ‘Canberra Caterer’ Outcry | The Times
Lord Glasman tells it like it is:
“The first thing is to acknowledge that Labour has been captured by a kind of aggressive public sector morality which is concerned with the individual and the collective but doesn’t understand relationships.”
Owen Jones says:
We also need Zil lanes.