PMQs LIVE: Warm Up Edition

Comments in the comments please…

PMQs SKETCH: Harriet Harman is Grooming the LibDems

Questions to the Prime Minister weren’t to the Prime Minister, nor were they questions.

Nick Clegg was denounced, castigated, mocked and accused by Harriet Harman, Toby Perkins, Kevin Brennan and many others of crimes against lapdogs, of shameless, spineless capitulation to the Tories, of kicking apprentices in the teeth, evicting widows, starving children, killing constituents, and (worst of the worst) “electoral self-interest” (gasps from a shocked Labour movement).

This wasn’t Harriet Harman “holding the executive to account” this was “grooming”.

This was making sure the Lib Dems know what’s expected of them when Ed Miliband needs a coalition partner after the general election.

They want to be sure that the Libs will spinelessly kick apprentices in the teeth for Labour.

There won’t be a problem.

Clegg counter-denounced Harriet for the mess she’d left behind. The deficit. Bankers. Poverty.

Clegg assumes he will be standing at the same despatch box next year counter-attacking Tories for the mess he and Labour are clearing up (the deficit, bankers, poverty).

But then he’s assuming it will be he who is the kingmaker and not Lord Biro of the Bus Pass Elvis Party who famously thrashed the Libs in Clifton recently.

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WATCH: Daily Politics Guide to Heckling

DPMQs LIVE: EU Love-in Edition

Q1 Naomi Long (Belfast East)

Q2 Sir Alan Beith (Berwick-upon-Tweed)

Q3 Andrew George (St Ives)

Q4 Mr Peter Bone (Wellingborough)

Q5 Mr John Whittingdale (Maldon)

Q6 Mark Pawsey (Rugby)

Q7 Lilian Greenwood (Nottingham South)

Q8 Geoffrey Clifton-Brown (The Cotswolds)

Q9 Andrew Selous (South West Bedfordshire)

Q10 David T. C. Davies (Monmouth)

Q11 John Woodcock (Barrow and Furness)

Q12 Meg Hillier (Hackney South and Shoreditch)

Q13 Penny Mordaunt (Portsmouth North)

Comments in the comments please…

PMQs Sketch: Miliband’s Improvement

An unsketchable PMQs kicked off by Peter Bone (soon to be holding the executive to account from Wormwood Scrubs).

It never got going, limped home, and will be considered a victory for Leveson-lovers and the Vegan Internationale known as “grown-up politics”.

Ed Miliband led on and finished with the Ukraine. He consensualised. He joined the top table. He looked (and I say the things that others daren’t think) pretty good.

One barb he left, quoting Cameron on the invasion of Georgia – Russian shoppers shouldn’t be allowed in Harrods while Russian troops were violating borders.

He then called for assets to be frozen.

But Putin would be delighted if his troublesome oligarchs had their assets frozen abroad. You might have thought the Labour leader understood the mind of the Kremlin better than anyone in the Commons.

Cameron repeated the costs and consequences of Putin’s aggression.

Exports of Marmite to Moscow suspended. Block voting by democracies against Russia’s Eurovision Song entry. The Poet Laureate to satirise post-imperial Slavic aggression in a 500-canto lyric.

The only point of interest might be Miliband’s improvement. He’s better than he was six months ago and dramatically better than a year ago. He’s stopped touching his face and stroking his lips. He’s got a nice, relaxed register in his voice as he tails away at the end of his sentences. When not ululating he doesn’t look ridiculous any more.

If the Tories think he’ll look unelectable in a year’s time, they should rethink.

PMQs LIVE: Rock Bottom Edition

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Mr Peter Bone (Wellingborough)

Q2 Diana Johnson (Kingston upon Hull North)

Q3 Stephen Mosley (City of Chester)

Q4 Mr Brooks Newmark (Braintree)

Q5 Mark Menzies (Fylde)

Q6 Mr Graham Stuart (Beverley and Holderness)

Q7 Mr David Heath (Somerton and Frome)

Q8 Jenny Chapman (Darlington)

Q9 Mrs Louise Ellman (Liverpool, Riverside)

Q10 Mr Michael Thornton (Eastleigh)

Q11 Ian Lavery (Wansbeck)

Q12 Dr Thérèse Coffey (Suffolk Coastal)

Q13 Mr Tobias Ellwood (Bournemouth East)

Q14 Grahame M. Morris (Easington)

Comments in the comments please…

PMQs LIVE: Crackerjack! Edition

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Graeme Morrice (Livingston)

Q2 Sir Alan Beith (Berwick-upon-Tweed)

Q3 Sir Peter Bottomley (Worthing West)

Q4 Lorraine Fullbrook (South Ribble)

Q5 Jack Dromey (Birmingham, Erdington)

Q6 Charlotte Leslie (Bristol North West)

Q7 Julian Smith (Skipton and Ripon)

Q8 Ms Margaret Ritchie (South Down)

Q9 Jim Shannon (Strangford)

Q10 Helen Jones (Warrington North)

Q11 Jessica Lee (Erewash)

Q12 Sir Bob Russell (Colchester)

Q13 Mark Pawsey (Rugby)

Q14 Bob Blackman (Harrow East)

Q15 Luciana Berger (Liverpool, Wavertree)

Comments in the comments please…

PMQs SKETCH: Beast On a Leash, Parliament Behaves Itself

They could at least have brought in visual aids to express solidarity, to raise awareness, to promote resilience among the nation’s flood victims. Fabricant in flippers. Hancock in a wetsuit. Dromey with his big black periscope.

No, they played PMQs like it was Lent.

All the Tories wanted to do was express their joy at Miliband in wet weather gear – you can’t do that under Storm Force Eight.

The Leader from Primrose Hill pretending not to have wellington boots filled with black, freezing water – that could only be honoured with Tory thunder.

When Miliband stood, they started to crank it but some sense of propriety, or possibly a Whips’ choke chain silenced them.

It was like watching drunks nearly throwing up.

All MPs realized how their natural effusions would come across on TV. The storm-tossed public out there in the plashy fens – they didn’t want to see their representatives enjoying themselves.

And Miliband without the mockery doesn’t do as badly as Tories think. He asked about “money no object” – what did that actually mean?

Sandbags.

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Women, Women, Everywhere

A frontbench full of female ministers and four more women sitting directly behind Dave at PMQs:

Responsive government in action…[…]

PMQs Live Chat: Drowning Street Edition

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Caroline Lucas (Brighton, Pavilion)
Q2 Mark Pritchard (The Wrekin)
Q3 Andy Sawford (Corby)
Q4 Mr David Ruffley (Bury St Edmunds)
Q5 Cathy Jamieson (Kilmarnock and Loudoun)
Q6 Alison Seabeck (Plymouth, Moor View)
Q7

[…]

SKETCH: Many-Headed Monster Delightfully Out of Control

Unusually, the Prime Minister called the Speaker. It’s usually the other way round.

The noise from Labour was so great – the raucous enjoyment of their weekly Ten Minute Hate – that on two occasions the Prime Minister shook his […]

WATCH: Bercow Flips Out

Something seemed to be troubling the Speaker at PMQs today. He boiled over during one exchange, completely losing it with Michael Gove. And to think the Education Secretary’s better half Sarah Vine was so nice about Sally in the Mail[…]



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Quote of the Day

Lord Ashcroft’s focus group is asked where each party leader would be most likely to go on holiday:

David Cameron: “Monaco”

Nigel Farage: “Blighty”

Nick Clegg: “Caribbean”

Ed Miliband: “The Moon, his own little world”

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