SKETCH: Unnamed Prime Minister in Slippery Threesome

gallery-guido

“All that rebranding, all that time and all that effort and what was the point. What was the bloody point. The single biggest endeavour of my career has been to rebrand the Party, and for what? For nothing. The Left still think I’m a heartless, tax-dodging Tory bastard. I hugged huskies in the Arctic. The Arctic for Christ’s sake. I don’t even like the cold, or huskies for that matter. They’re terrifying. I almost froze my todger off up there detoxifying this party. And that’s just the physical ordeals. What about the countless personal embarrassments I endured? Having to pick a football team and then suffer the indignity of forgetting it in front of everyone like a malfunctioning robot, or ride a pedal bike to work everyday for a year in £3.99 polyester tracksuit bottoms, or touring the most Chlamydia infested recesses of the North East encouraging people to embrace the scallywag Asbos that loiter there. I even flew easyJet. But what good did it do me? I’m being hammered from the Left and screwed from the Right. In fact I’ve got more slippery pricks trying to do me in than there are in Elton’s paddling pool. When I leave this prison of a job I’m going to go full Blair and get a yacht and I’m going to sit in it in my pants watching Top Gear. And not the BBC version either, the proper one, with Clarkson in it. Oh yeah and I’m going to murder Stelios for all the easyJet flights I’ve had to sit through before I hop on my learjet to St. Tropez to drink Bollinger out of the bottle and eat caviar by the kilogram. And wear white tie and tails, oh yes”.

Continue reading

Dave Thinks He’ll Oversee Brexit Negotiations

This is optimistic…

Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Wendy Morton (Aldridge-Brownhills)

Q2 Mr Douglas Carswell (Clacton)

Q3 Mr Alistair Carmichael (Orkney and Shetland)

Q4 Stephen Timms (East Ham)

Q5 Jenny Chapman (Darlington)

Q6 Andrew Stephenson (Pendle)

Q7 Caroline Lucas (Brighton, Pavilion)

Q8 Jesse Norman (Hereford and South Herefordshire)

Q9 Jo Stevens (Cardiff Central)

Q10 Neil Carmichael (Stroud)

Q11 Chris Green (Bolton West)

Q12 Dr Rupa Huq (Ealing Central and Acton)

Q13 Steven Paterson (Stirling)

Q14 Catherine West (Hornsey and Wood Green)

Q15 Nigel Huddleston (Mid Worcestershire)

Comments in the comments please…

SKETCH: Cameron’s Theatre, Corbyn’s Reality

gallery-guido

And so after a week punctuated by dissent and disquiet, it began. First the formalities commemorating Brussels, giving the Prime Minister a chance to do his serious face by furrowing his brow and talking slowly, taking great care to enunciate every word. In response the assembled expenses frauds, sex pests and careerists solemnly opined “hear, hear” in deep and mournful tones, with Newport MP Peter Bottomley going on to meditate profoundly on the grand themes of “hope” and “hate” in the first question of the day.

Commiserations proffered, now onwards to the heart of the matter. The Labour leader began by hitting Cameron on disability benefits, citing a letter from one Adrian of outer Timbuktu (or at least he might as well have been because Mr. Corbyn didn’t deign to expand on the whereabouts of his mysterious pen-pal). “Could the Prime Minister do what the Chancellor failed to do yesterday, and apologise to those that went through such anguish and upset during the threat of a cut in their personal independence payments?” he asked.

Continue reading

Corbyn Yells “Disgraceful” at Cameron For Raising Anti-Semitism

This is a terrible look for Corbyn. As Cameron raised the importance of tackling anti-Semitism, the Labour leader furiously and repeatedly shouted “disgraceful” at the PM. Read Guido’s story that reignited Labour’s race row here

John Woodcock’s Deleted PMQs Summary

You can probably call that “hostile”…

Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Sir Peter Bottomley (Worthing West)

Q2 Mike Freer (Finchley and Golders Green)

Q3 Mr Alistair Carmichael (Orkney and Shetland)

Q4 Stuart Blair Donaldson (West Aberdeenshire and Kincardine)

Q5 Dr Rupa Huq (Ealing Central and Acton)

Q6 David T. C. Davies (Monmouth)

Q7 Amanda Milling (Cannock Chase)

Q8 Mr Peter Bone (Wellingborough)

Q9 Michael Tomlinson (Mid Dorset and North Poole)

Q10 Patrick Grady (Glasgow North)

Q11 Richard Arkless (Dumfries and Galloway)

Q12 Rushanara Ali (Bethnal Green and Bow)

Q13 Andrew Stephenson (Pendle)

Q14 Ms Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh (Ochil and South Perthshire)

Q15 Mr Douglas Carswell (Clacton)

Comments in the comments please…

See Who is Asking the Questions Today

pmqs chat

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Karen Lumley (Redditch)

Q2 Michael Fabricant (Lichfield)

Q3 Byron Davies (Gower)

Q4 Ian C. Lucas (Wrexham) 

Q5 Dr James Davies (Vale of Clwyd) 

Q6 Kevin Barron (Rother Valley) 

Q7 Richard Graham (Gloucester) 

Q8 Ronnie Cowan (Inverclyde) 

Q9 Callum McCaig (Aberdeen South)

Q10 Mr Ranil Jayawardena (North East Hampshire) 

Q11 Kevin Hollinrake (Thirsk and Malton) 

Q12 Andrea Jenkyns (Morley and Outwood) 

Q13 Stephen Metcalfe (South Basildon and East Thurrock) 

Q14 Steve Double (St Austell and Newquay)

Q15 Sir Simon Burns (Chelmsford) 

Comments in the comments…

Hundred, Not Out

gallery-guido

So Jeremy Corbyn reached his century. Today he asked his hundredth PMQ question. It feels like so many more, doesn’t it? The awkward shift from local radio phone-in host (“Claire from Nuneaton has a question…”) to floundering supply teacher (“It’s not funny!”) to what Nye Bevan would have called a “desiccated calculating machine” with a muddled spewing out of obscure data.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Karin Smyth (Bristol South)

Q2 Richard Burgon (Leeds East)

Q3 Julie Elliott (Sunderland Central)

Q4 Catherine McKinnell (Newcastle upon Tyne North)

Q5 Mr Khalid Mahmood (Birmingham, Perry Barr)

Q6 Dr Roberta Blackman-Woods (City of Durham)

Q7 James Berry (Kingston and Surbiton)

Q8 Mark Spencer (Sherwood)

Q9 Andrew Stephenson (Pendle)

Q10 Anne Marie Morris (Newton Abbot)

Q11 Martyn Day (Linlithgow and East Falkirk)

Q12 Mr Ranil Jayawardena (North East Hampshire)

Q13 Jack Dromey (Birmingham, Erdington)

Q14 Jim Dowd (Lewisham West and Penge)

Q15 James Cartlidge (South Suffolk)

Comments in the comments please…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Corbyn’s Naked Pole Dancing*

gallery-guido

Today we discovered the difference between a threat and a promise.

For years we’ve been promised that a calmer, more serious House during Prime Minister’s Questions would be good for the whole country. Less ya-boo and more speaking up for constituents with real problems.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Patricia Gibson (North Ayrshire and Arran)

Q2 Seema Kennedy (South Ribble)

Q3 David Mowat (Warrington South)

Q4 Neil Coyle (Bermondsey and Old Southwark

Q5 Bill Esterson (Sefton Central)

Q6 Andy McDonald (Middlesbrough)

Q7 Alberto Costa (South Leicestershire)

Q8 Mr Bernard Jenkin (Harwich and North Essex)

Q9 Amanda Milling (Cannock Chase)

Q10 Rachael Maskell (York Central)

Q11 Richard Benyon (Newbury)

Q12 Bill Wiggin (North Herefordshire)

Q13 Stuart Andrew (Pudsey)

Q14 Amanda Solloway (Derby North)

Q15 Dr Phillip Lee (Bracknell)

Comments in the comments please…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Mary Cameron Stars in Mother of Parliaments

gallery-guido

It was all motherhood and apple pie. The star was the Prime Minister’s mother, Mary Cameron. On a question about public spending in Oxfordshire, young Dave responded to a heckle: “You want me to ask my mother? I know what my mother would say.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Cameron’s “My Mother” Comeback to Corbyn

Corbyn unwisely brings up Cameron’s anti-cuts mum at PMQs, Cameron blows him away with a dynamite comeback:

“I know what my mother would say. She’d look across the despatch box and say, put on a proper suit, do up your tie and sing the national anthem.”

The Labour benches silent, Lammy with his head in his hands, as Watson and Eagle try to keep a straight face…

UPDATE: Corbyn eventually thinks of a comeback:

[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

PMQs Live: Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Michelle Donelan (Chippenham)

Q2 Neil Gray (Airdrie and Shotts)

Q3 Chris Davies (Brecon and Radnorshire)

Q4 Ian Blackford (Ross, Skye and Lochaber)

Q5 Alberto Costa (South Leicestershire)

Q6 Maggie Throup (Erewash)

Q7 Craig Mackinlay (South Thanet)

Q8 Tulip Siddiq (Hampstead and Kilburn)

Q9 Huw Merriman (Bexhill and Battle)

Q10 Richard Arkless (Dumfries and Galloway)

Q11 Michael Ellis (Northampton North)

Q12 Imran Hussain (Bradford East)

Q13 Callum McCaig (Aberdeen South)

Q14 Kelly Tolhurst (Rochester and Strood)

Q15 Nusrat Ghani (Wealden)

Comments in the comments please…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Corbyn’s PMQs Ammo From BBC

At the last PMQs Jeremy Corbyn asked a question from “Rosie“, a fan of the Labour leader who opposes the government on housing. Afterwards, Rosie wrote on her Facebook about why she prefers Jezza to Dave. There are some choice words for the PM.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Tory MP Stewart Jackson on Bob Geldof:

“Now loudmouth multimillionaire soapdodger Bob Geldof is supporting the LibDem campaign in Richmond Park. Haven’t the voters suffered enough?”

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Brexit Book War – Latest Brexit Book War – Latest
Public Heath England Gets Booze Sums Wrong Public Heath England Gets Booze Sums Wrong
Civil Servants Forced to Admit We’re Leaving EU Civil Servants Forced to Admit We’re Leaving EU
Sarah Olney Walks Out of Interview Sarah Olney Walks Out of Interview
DfID Slams Baroness Scotland DfID Slams Baroness Scotland
Ken Aide Says Staff Celebrated 9/11 Ken Aide Says Staff Celebrated 9/11
Highest Ever Immigration Highest Ever Immigration
Mortgage Approvals at 7-Month High Mortgage Approvals at 7-Month High
Whitehall’s Brexit Blooper Whitehall’s Brexit Blooper
Amy Lame Ends Naughty Property Deal Amy Lame Ends Naughty Property Deal
WATCH: Bob Geldof Embarrasses Libdems WATCH: Bob Geldof Embarrasses Libdems
Was Guardian Spoofed by Alt Right Hoax? Was Guardian Spoofed by Alt Right Hoax?
Khan Breaks Fourth Promise Khan Breaks Fourth Promise
Bone Tables Article 50 Bill Bone Tables Article 50 Bill
Corbyn’s Commons Cock-Up Corbyn’s Commons Cock-Up
WATCH: Tom Watson Singing Israeli Celebration WATCH: Tom Watson Singing Israeli Celebration
Hugo Speaks Out Hugo Speaks Out
Baroness Scotland’s Anti Corruption Lecture Baroness Scotland’s Anti Corruption Lecture
BBC Interupts Snooker to Remember Castro BBC Interupts Snooker to Remember Castro
Leadsom Brexit Plans 25 Years Ahead Leadsom Brexit Plans 25 Years Ahead