Ozbot versus Androgenoid

George-Osborne-PMQs-625440[1]

David Cameron couldn’t make PMQs today having had a busy week buying a new motor for his missus. The vehicle in question was a clapped out 2004 Nissan Micra with 90,000 miles on the clock – in Tory blue of course – for which he shelled out the princely sum of £1,500 (two seconds on AutoTrader would have revealed similar mileage models regularly go for half that price).

Unfortunately for Dave his millionaire spouse was not impressed with her millionaire husband buying her a beat up old Nissan to potter around Chipping Norton in. In a rage she summarily banished him to the dog house, and so the PM fled to Japan to put as much distance between him and the old dear as possible under the pretence of attending vital G7 meetings. To be honest I can’t understand what she’s so upset about, sure the Nissan’s interior is nothing special, but it’s certainly not the most useless and overvalued old banger SamCam’s had to sit on.

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Who is Asking the Questions Today?

Q1 Maria Caulfield (Lewes)

Q2 Stephen Pound (Ealing North)

Q3 Tom Blenkinsop (Middlesbrough South and East Cleveland)

Q4 Cat Smith (Lancaster and Fleetwood)

Q5 Richard Drax (South Dorset)

Q6 Philip Davies (Shipley)

Q7 Patrick Grady (Glasgow North)

Q8 Julie Elliott (Sunderland Central)

Q9 Judith Cummins (Bradford South)

Q10 Ruth Cadbury (Brentford and Isleworth)

Q11 Nusrat Ghani (Wealden)

Q12 Andrew Griffiths (Burton)

Q13 Barbara Keeley (Worsley and Eccles South)

Q14 Dr Alan Whitehead (Southampton, Test)

Q15 Jason McCartney (Colne Valley)

Comments in the comments please…

A Nigerian, an Afghan and Englishman Walk into an Anti-Corruption Summit

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David Cameron had good cause to enter the Chamber even more rosy cheeked than usual today. Yesterday video was leaked of him chin-wagging with the Queen at a Buckingham Palace Reception. “We’ve got some leaders of some fantastically corrupt countries coming to Britain”, he said ironically, going on to highlight “Nigeria and Afghanistan, possibly the two most corrupt countries in the world”. At this point the Archbishop of Canterbury felt impelled to interject, soberly reminding the PM that “this particular President is actually not corrupt. He’s trying very hard”. That put an immediate stop to the joking, and all stood silent, no doubt thinking “Good God lighten up man, no need to get on your high horse about it”. That’s the problem with Archbishops you see, they can get a bit pious. Luckily Speaker Bercow was on hand to sarcastically inquire, “They are coming at their own expense, I would assume?” The PM chuckled, and banter was resumed.

This is the real David Cameron. Droll, sardonic, and not afraid to make a politically incorrect joke that winds up an Archbishop. It’s a completely different figure to the artificial one we see every week in PMQs: his stab at the “socially liberal nice guy” persona which resembles not so much a man as a string of focus groups welded together into a vaguely humanoid shape. Continue reading

Tim Farron Met With Wall of Groans

The name “Tim Farron” is met with a wall of groans from the Tory benches. Cameron swatted him away with minimal effort…

Who is Asking the Questions

pmqs chat

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Mike Kane (Wythenshawe and Sale East)

Q2 Victoria Prentis (Banbury)

Q3 Diana Johnson (Kingston upon Hull North)

Q4 Tom Pursglove (Corby) 

Q5 Jess Phillips (Birmingham, Yardley)

Q6 Keir Starmer (Holborn and St Pancras)

Q7 Roger Mullin (Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath) 

Q8 Henry Smith (Crawley)

Q9 Andrew Stephenson (Pendle) 

Q10 Gavin Newlands (Paisley and Renfrewshire North) 

Q11 Chris Law (Dundee West) 

Q12 Mike Freer (Finchley and Golders Green) 

Q13 Craig Williams (Cardiff North)

Q14 Mr Alan Mak (Havant)

Q15 Ms Karen Buck (Westminster North)

Comments in the comments…

Corbyn Withstands Heavy Shelling From PM

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To say Mr. Corbyn’s Labour party is on a downward spiral would rather overestimate the elegance of its descent.

In fact, if things keep going the way they are presently then one can only presume next week will reveal that John McDonnell is actually a 94 year old former Waffen-SS operative in disguise and Shabana Mahmood chucks cats into bins for japes. Or that John Mann goes one step further and ends up literally battering Ken Livingstone to death with a cudgel on the Daily Politics as Andrew Neil and JoCo try vainly to intervene. To paraphrase D:Ream: Things, they can only get worse.

So onto proceedings. Having witnessed such an utter shambles David Cameron decided the best plan of attack was to go the full IDF and blast his opposite number to smithereens with extreme prejudice and overwhelming force. No softly, softly today. No, Sir. Now was the time to don his smart shirt (plain blue twill as opposed to the usual modish gingham number) and hit Corbyn with everything he’s got in time for the upcoming council and mayoral elections.

Karl McCartney teed the PM up, asking him to “condemn the actions and propaganda of Hezbollah and Hamas”. Cameron naturally went straight for the jugular. “The point he makes about Hamas is important. They are a terrorist group who believe in killing Jews”, he intoned sternly, finishing by asking if his Labour counterpart would “withdraw the remark that they were his friends”. This would be the first of four times the PM would make such a request. Continue reading

Corbyn Refuses to Withdraw Hamas “Friends” Comment 4 Times

Four times the PM gave Corbyn the chance to withdraw his comments saying Hamas and Hezbollah are his friends. Four times the Labour leader refused. At one point Corbyn was visibly shaken and unsure how to respond…

Who is Asking the Questions Today?

Q1 Martyn Day (Linlithgow and East Falkirk)

Q2 Karl McCartney (Lincoln)

Q3 Anne Marie Morris (Newton Abbot)

Q4 Alex Cunningham (Stockton North)

Q5 Mary Robinson (Cheadle)

Q6 Rachael Maskell (York Central)

Q7 Mr Nigel Evans (Ribble Valley)

Q8 Caroline Lucas (Brighton, Pavilion)

Q9 Patrick Grady (Glasgow North)

Q10 Stephen Kinnock (Aberavon)

Q11 Margaret Ferrier (Rutherglen and Hamilton West)

Q12 Dr Julian Lewis (New Forest East)

Q13 Mr Graham Allen (Nottingham North)

Q14 Greg Mulholland (Leeds North West)

Comments in the comments please…

Rocket Man, Cameron and Farage

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Oh how the mighty have fallen. Just a few short days ago the Prime Minister was sharing a platform with the leader of the Free World. They opined solemnly on lofty notions of freedom and international cooperation. On Churchill and […]

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Farage Responds to “Poncey” Jibe

Oxford English Dictionary: poncey, poncy, adj., derogatory slang (chiefly Brit.). Affected, pretentious, self-consciously refined or superior; overly fancy or elaborate; effeminate, homosexual.

Guido has just spoken to Nige in a boozer in Wales:

“The PM’s basically using ‘poncey’ in the

[…]

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PM: “Extraordinary” Naz Shah Still Has Labour Whip

Dave says she is guilty of “racism” and must be suspended…[…]

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Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Mims Davies (Eastleigh)

Q2 Byron Davies (Gower)

Q3 Amanda Milling (Cannock Chase)

Q4 Ben Howlett (Bath)

Q5 Tom Tugendhat (Tonbridge and Malling)

Q6 Drew Hendry (Inverness, Nairn, Badenoch and Strathspey)

Q7 Suella Fernandes (Fareham)

Q8 Mike Wood (Dudley South)[…]

+ READ MORE +



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