Rocket Man, Cameron and Farage

gallery-guido

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Just a few short days ago the Prime Minister was sharing a platform with the leader of the Free World. They opined solemnly on lofty notions of freedom and international cooperation. On Churchill and Martin Luther King. On America and Britain, and the intertwined fates of our two great nations.

To understand David Cameron is to understand that it is at this higher plane of existence that he feels most comfortable operating. The man was built to sit in the back of a Jag, travelling in full motorcade trailing the President’s armoured car as chopper blades whirr overhead and cameras flash from the pavement. Right at the centre of global geo-politics, and far away from the little people with their bad haircuts and cheap suits, their uncouth views and pedestrian concerns. Further away still from a shabbily dressed old Trot and the provincial monotony of PMQs.

And so unto proceedings. Both sides of the House were quick to commemorate the 96 who died at Hillsborough, a topic the PM no doubt found close to his heart as a keen follower of the game and ardent supporter of Aston Villa (or was it West Ham?). The solemnities out the way, Corbyn began by attacking on academies.

“Last week the Prime Minister told the house that he was going to put ‘rocket boosters’ on his forced academisation proposals”, Corbyn said, before giving his verdict that “it seems the wheels are falling off the rocket boosters, and the Government is considering a U-turn”.  Not exactly the most humorous way to take apart Cameron’s metaphor considering that rocket boosters lack wheels, a fact pointed out by Cameron to much laughter just a moment later.

Continue reading

Farage Responds to “Poncey” Jibe

Oxford English Dictionary: poncey, poncy, adj., derogatory slang (chiefly Brit.). Affected, pretentious, self-consciously refined or superior; overly fancy or elaborate; effeminate, homosexual.

Guido has just spoken to Nige in a boozer in Wales:

“The PM’s basically using ‘poncey’ in the sense of an affectation. Where does the Old Etonian park his car? In a garaaahge? In a garage or a garrige?”

Odd jibe from “Call me Daaave”….

PM: “Extraordinary” Naz Shah Still Has Labour Whip

Dave says she is guilty of “racism” and must be suspended…

Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Mims Davies (Eastleigh)

Q2 Byron Davies (Gower)

Q3 Amanda Milling (Cannock Chase)

Q4 Ben Howlett (Bath)

Q5 Tom Tugendhat (Tonbridge and Malling)

Q6 Drew Hendry (Inverness, Nairn, Badenoch and Strathspey)

Q7 Suella Fernandes (Fareham)

Q8 Mike Wood (Dudley South)

Q9 John Stevenson (Carlisle)

Q10 Nigel Adams (Selby and Ainsty)

Q11 Mr Ben Bradshaw (Exeter)

Q12 Marion Fellows (Motherwell and Wishaw)

Q13 Liz McInnes (Heywood and Middleton)

Q14 Judith Cummins (Bradford South)

Comments in the comments please…

Chancellor Rasputin Lurks in the Shadows

gallery-guido

And so today saw the Chancellor grace us with his first PMQs appearance for almost a month. Such reticence from the man is common these days. George Osborne is becoming increasingly Rasputin-eqsue. In the shadows he lurks, wielding power over the Tsar, dripping poison in his ear and making outlandish predictions for the future. “I’ll eradicate the debt and cut the deficit” he’ll whisper, “each family will be four thousand three hundred pounds worse off if we leave” he’ll hiss. And when his untruths and false promises are questioned, he retreats from view, leaving the ruler to lumber in on his behalf to placate the angry and ignored. Of course any man who knows his Russian history knows how this story ends. Old Rasputin was poisoned, shot, bludgeoned, and drowned by those angered by his influence, with the entire saga only further weakening the regime he was so bound up with and hastening its collapse. One wonders how long is till Osborne, like the Russian, washes up on the banks of the Thames, peppered with bullet holes but still faintly breathing, sighing “long… term… economic… plan”.

Onto proceedings. Nigel Adams got things underway by praising the “dignity and grace” of her Maj ahead of the big Nine O tomorrow, a day that promised to be “a proper knees up” at the very least. The PM reiterated the Selby MP’s sentiments, before laying a trap for his opposite number. “I know the whole country and the whole house”, Cameron innocently opined, “will want to join me in saying, Long may she reign o’er us”. Corbyn wouldn’t play ball. “Thank you Mr. Speaker”, he replied plainly, “I am also looking forward to wishing her a happy birthday tomorrow, notably missing out any celebration of the continuation of her reign. In other words, have a good one Liz, but don’t have too many more.

Continue reading

Cameron’s Brutal Attack on Khan

At PMQs Cameron listed the nine times Sadiq Khan has shared a platform with Suliman Gani, as reported on Guido. Corbyn shouted “disgraceful” and Labour MPs howled “racist“. As the PM says, the point is not that Khan once shared a stage with an extremist once by accident, he did it over and over again…

Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Nigel Adams (Selby and Ainsty)

Q2 Geraint Davies (Swansea West)

Q3 Mr Christopher Chope (Christchurch)

Q4 Sue Hayman (Workington)

Q5 Jonathan Edwards (Carmarthen East and Dinefwr)

Q6 Kevin Foster (Torbay)

Q7 Matt Warman (Boston and Skegness)

Q8 John Spellar (Warley)

Q9 Imran Hussain (Bradford East)

Q10 Christopher Pincher (Tamworth)

Q11 Stella Creasy (Walthamstow)

Q12 Helen Goodman (Bishop Auckland)

Q13 Meg Hillier (Hackney South and Shoreditch)

Q14 Charlotte Leslie (Bristol North West)

Comments in the comments please…

SKETCH: Unnamed Prime Minister in Slippery Threesome

gallery-guido

“All that rebranding, all that time and all that effort and what was the point. What was the bloody point. The single biggest endeavour of my career has been to rebrand the Party, and for what? For nothing. The Left still think I’m a heartless, tax-dodging Tory bastard. I hugged huskies in the Arctic. The Arctic for Christ’s sake. I don’t even like the cold, or huskies for that matter. They’re terrifying. I almost froze my todger off up there detoxifying this party. And that’s just the physical ordeals. What about the countless personal embarrassments I endured? Having to pick a football team and then suffer the indignity of forgetting it in front of everyone like a malfunctioning robot, or ride a pedal bike to work everyday for a year in £3.99 polyester tracksuit bottoms, or touring the most Chlamydia infested recesses of the North East encouraging people to embrace the scallywag Asbos that loiter there. I even flew easyJet. But what good did it do me? I’m being hammered from the Left and screwed from the Right. In fact I’ve got more slippery pricks trying to do me in than there are in Elton’s paddling pool. When I leave this prison of a job I’m going to go full Blair and get a yacht and I’m going to sit in it in my pants watching Top Gear. And not the BBC version either, the proper one, with Clarkson in it. Oh yeah and I’m going to murder Stelios for all the easyJet flights I’ve had to sit through before I hop on my learjet to St. Tropez to drink Bollinger out of the bottle and eat caviar by the kilogram. And wear white tie and tails, oh yes”.

Continue reading

Dave Thinks He’ll Oversee Brexit Negotiations

This is optimistic…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Who Is Asking The Questions Today?

pmqs chat

Q1 Wendy Morton (Aldridge-Brownhills)

Q2 Mr Douglas Carswell (Clacton)

Q3 Mr Alistair Carmichael (Orkney and Shetland)

Q4 Stephen Timms (East Ham)

Q5 Jenny Chapman (Darlington)

Q6 Andrew Stephenson (Pendle)

Q7 Caroline Lucas (Brighton, Pavilion)

Q8 Jesse Norman (Hereford and South […]

+ READ MORE +

SKETCH: Cameron’s Theatre, Corbyn’s Reality

gallery-guido

And so after a week punctuated by dissent and disquiet, it began. First the formalities commemorating Brussels, giving the Prime Minister a chance to do his serious face by furrowing his brow and talking slowly, taking great care to enunciate […]

+ READ MORE +

Corbyn Yells “Disgraceful” at Cameron For Raising Anti-Semitism

This is a terrible look for Corbyn. As Cameron raised the importance of tackling anti-Semitism, the Labour leader furiously and repeatedly shouted “disgraceful” at the PM. Read Guido’s story that reignited Labour’s race row here[…]

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Labour MP Jamie Reed:

“I apologise to every man, woman and child in this country who needs a Labour government.”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

£500,000 EXPENSES FRAUDSTER MEP JAILED £500,000 EXPENSES FRAUDSTER MEP JAILED
SEUMAS MILNE PRAISES HAMAS SEUMAS MILNE PRAISES HAMAS
ALLEGED GRANNY BASHER MP IN COURT TODAY ALLEGED GRANNY BASHER MP IN COURT TODAY
CORBYN AGREES BBC ARE “ZIONIST LIARS” CORBYN AGREES BBC ARE “ZIONIST LIARS”
LABOUR IN CRISIS LABOUR IN CRISIS
KHAN ON KEN, KEN ON KHAN KHAN ON KEN, KEN ON KHAN
CORBYN’S CALLAGHAN MOMENT CORBYN’S CALLAGHAN MOMENT
BERNARD JENKIN ACCUSES NO. 10 OF CASH FOR QUESTIONS BERNARD JENKIN ACCUSES NO. 10 OF CASH FOR QUESTIONS
JOHN MANN TELLS KEN “YOU’RE A F**KING DISGRACE” JOHN MANN TELLS KEN “YOU’RE A F**KING DISGRACE”
KHAN CAMPAIGNED FOR NAZ SHAH, DEFENDED KEN ON ANTI-SEMITISM KHAN CAMPAIGNED FOR NAZ SHAH, DEFENDED KEN ON ANTI-SEMITISM
KEN: “HITLER WAS SUPPORTING ZIONISM” KEN: “HITLER WAS SUPPORTING ZIONISM”
NEUBERGER AND LEVY ON LABOUR’S ANTI-SEMITISM NEUBERGER AND LEVY ON LABOUR’S ANTI-SEMITISM
RUPA HUQ DEFENDS NAZ SHAH’S ANTI-SEMITISM RUPA HUQ DEFENDS NAZ SHAH’S ANTI-SEMITISM
Carly Fiorina Sings Lullaby Carly Fiorina Sings Lullaby
BRADFORD COUNCILLOR POSTED GOEBBELS NAZI FILM “THE ETERNAL JEW” BRADFORD COUNCILLOR POSTED GOEBBELS NAZI FILM “THE ETERNAL JEW”
NAZ SHAH SUSPENDED BY LABOUR NAZ SHAH SUSPENDED BY LABOUR
Naz Shah’s Pro-Hamas Tweets Naz Shah’s Pro-Hamas Tweets
FARAGE RESPONDS TO “PONCEY” JIBE FARAGE RESPONDS TO “PONCEY” JIBE
PM: “EXTRAORDINARY” NAZ SHAH STILL HAS LABOUR WHIP PM: “EXTRAORDINARY” NAZ SHAH STILL HAS LABOUR WHIP
SHADOW CABINET SPLIT: LISA NANDY TELLS CORBYN TO SACK NAZ SHAH SHADOW CABINET SPLIT: LISA NANDY TELLS CORBYN TO SACK NAZ SHAH
TREASURY CAN PREDICT FUTURE TO 2030, CAN’T WORK OUT COST OF BREXIT REPORT TREASURY CAN PREDICT FUTURE TO 2030, CAN’T WORK OUT COST OF BREXIT REPORT
NAZ SHAH EMPLOYED “ZIO”-HATER AS TAXPAYER-FUNDED AIDE NAZ SHAH EMPLOYED “ZIO”-HATER AS TAXPAYER-FUNDED AIDE
NAZ SHAH RUNS CHARITY WITH ANTI-SEMITIC LABOUR COUNCILLOR NAZ SHAH RUNS CHARITY WITH ANTI-SEMITIC LABOUR COUNCILLOR
FRANK FIELD’S LEFT-WING CASE FOR BREXIT FRANK FIELD’S LEFT-WING CASE FOR BREXIT
NAZ SHAH COMPARED ISRAELIS TO HITLER NAZ SHAH COMPARED ISRAELIS TO HITLER
FREE ADVERTISING WORTH £135,000-A-WEEK FOR REMAIN CAMPAIGN FREE ADVERTISING WORTH £135,000-A-WEEK FOR REMAIN CAMPAIGN
NAZ SHAH RESIGNS AS JOHN MCDONNELL’S PPS NAZ SHAH RESIGNS AS JOHN MCDONNELL’S PPS
BBC DID REVEAL HILLSBOROUGH VERDICT YESTERDAY BBC DID REVEAL HILLSBOROUGH VERDICT YESTERDAY
NAZ SHAH: “THE JEWS ARE RALLYING” NAZ SHAH: “THE JEWS ARE RALLYING”
JUNIOR DOCTORS: IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY JUNIOR DOCTORS: IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY