Sh*ts of the Year 2009

The lack of real news flow means that the media start doing predictions and awards to pad out space. Dale’s listmania has  once again gone into overdrive, could have sworn he posted “My Top Ten Lists of 2009”. So Guido will, for the same reason, invite co-conspirators to nominate their “Sh*ts of the Year”.
  • Sh*t Politician of the Year
  • Sh*t Journalist of the Year
  • Sh*t Blogger of the Year
  • Hoon Prix d’ Sh*t of the Year

The last category can come from any field of human endeavour. Put your nomination in the comments together with less than 30 words giving your grounds for your choice. Do not misunderstand, it is not a vote for another bloody list, it is a contest of wits, you have to make a nomination with illuminating, witty amusing grounds in 30 words or less. Not just say “Brown is a sh*t.” It is for a T-shirt after all…

Multiple entries permitted, a co-conspirator T-shirt to the wittiest nomination received by midnight tomorrow…

UPDATE : Despite emphasising that this post is seeking witty nominations and prize is for the best grounds for the nomination, people are just making nominations without giving reasons. Doh!

Sh*ts of the Year 2008

The lack of news flow means that the media start doing predictions and awards to pad out space. Dale’s listmania has gone into overdrive, could have sworn he posted “My Top Ten Lists of 2008”.

So Guido will, for the same reason, invite you to nominate your “Sh*ts of the Year”. Here are a few categories, do feel free to add your own categories.
  • Sh*t Politician of the Year
  • Sh*t Journalist of the Year
  • Sh*t Blogger of the Year
  • Hoon Prix d’ Sh*t of the Year
The last category can come from any field of human endeavour. Put your nomination in the comments together with less than 30 words giving your grounds.

A co-conspirator T-shirt to the wittiest nomination…

UPDATE : Some of the entrants seem to misunderstand, it is not a vote for another bloody list, it is a contest of wits, you have to make a nomination with amusing grounds. Not just say “Brown is a sh*t.” It is for a T-shirt after all…

Hague’s Hippy Guru Gone

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi has died. The guru to the Beatles brought “transcendental meditation” to the West. Maharishi summed up his mantra as : “Don’t fight darkness. Bring the light, and the darkness will disappear.” That is the mantra that William Hague, a transcendental meditator of long standing, forgot to hum during the 2001 election…

Outed

The Indy’s John Rentoul has got things a little mixed-up. There is a dark secret in Guido’s political past from his youth…

He was indeed a paid up member of the SDP, as was Liberty’s Shami Chakrabarti (she was always a cutie). Guido was on the national-executive of the youth wing no less.

It was apparently an incubator of political talent, or maybe not…

Kenya Travel Advice

About ten or so years ago there was an attempted coup in Kenya. Guido and his girlfriend were looking for a cheap holiday and the travel agent offered us an impossible to shift £2,000 a head safari holiday leaving the next day for £299. We grabbed it and had a fabulous time. Not a sign of a riot near the water-holes in the bush. So wait until this starts to die down and bag a bargain break…

What the People Really Want to Know

The Guidoisation of democracy continues apace: this is an interesting nugget of research into what people are actually searching to find out about our political leaders.

Gordon Brown and his plans for tax credits? Cameron’s carbon capping agenda? Not a chance. They really want to know about what Guido gives ’em. What people are searching to find out about Gordon is particularly interesting. “The Legend” is now a mainstream subject of discourse down the pub. Not just down the Red Lion on Whitehall, but in Glasgow boozers, City bars, Home Counties village pubs as well, they speculate and they wonder. Then they go home and Google…

The top search terms reveal the public is keen to find out about subjects very different to those selected by the mainstream media. Paxman, Sir Michael White et al sneer that, for example, Guido prioritises distributing video evidence of Gordon’s propensity to pick his nose, but given the popularity of that over interest in Gordon’s plans for constitutional reform, who is more in touch with the popular pulse? According to industry data, blogs are now more widely read than than online newspapers. Think about what that implies.
IncidentallyGordon the Bogeyman is being re-edited to be made suitable for mobile phones as a commercially sponsored free download soon. People will download it on to their phones, and show it to their mates down the pub for a laugh. Guido confidently predicts it will be one of the all time most downloaded mobile videos in the UK.

Leeds Lackeys Not Lovers

Guido hates following up other people’s stories but this one appeared too juicy to miss. The Observer’s Pendennis claimed that James Mckenzie, George Osborne’s new researcher, was sharing a flat with Sarah Mulholland, Blinky Balls’ new researcher.

So Guido calls up Osborne’s office looking for Mckenzie. He is not important enough to be allocated his own phone and desk Guido is told, but they will pass on the message. A few minutes later…

Ring, ring…
JM “How did you get my number?”
GF “I didn’t, you called me”
JM “Oh”
GF “It’s about the Pendennis story”
JM “Did you write that?”
GF “No, I write the Guido Fawkes blog”

After that confusing start he vehemently denies living with Ed Ball’s new assistant. But strangely he gets agitated when Guido asks has he met the lady concerned.

JM “I will have to call my office and find out if I should be talking to you”
GF “They told you to call me didn’t they?
JM “I’ve got to go”

So Guido Calls Blinky’s office…

Ring, ring
SM “Hello Sarah here”
GF “Hello it’s Guido Fawkes here, I’m calling about this story”
SM “It is rubbish”
GF “So you have never met him”
SM “I have because he is on the same course as me in Leeds”
GF “But you aren’t, haven’t..”
SM “No!”
GF “Give my regards to Blinky.

So that is that, isn’t it?

Guido’s Predictions for 2007

With a better track record than some pundits, Guido looks into his crystal ball;

  1. Lembit Opik will be involved in a front-page scandal.
  2. Following a surge to the SNP in local elections the Conservatives will finally move away from Unionism and towards spinning off Scottish and Welsh sister parties as part of their localism agenda.
  3. Multiple charges will be brought against Downing Street characters in the Loans for Lordships scandal. Evidence of profiteering by Labour donors with government contracts awarded in dubious circumstances will surface. The fall-out will be politically devastating for Labour.
  4. Informal Tory approaches will be made to leading LibDem figures as to discussions on the shape of the future governing coalition.
  5. New Media outlets will start to go mass market, disrupting the established politico-media nexus and terrifying old media owners.

Guido fully expects to be right on the majority of his predictions…



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

George Osborne paraphrases Boris, telling the FT:

“If the ball came loose at the back of the scrum, I wouldn’t fumble it”

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Momentum Mock Injured Soldiers Momentum Mock Injured Soldiers
I SCHEMED A SCHEME I SCHEMED A SCHEME
Watch Glitter Balls Watch Glitter Balls
Did Boris Really Want Brexit? Did Boris Really Want Brexit?
Ken Interviewed, Doesn’t Mention Hitler Ken Interviewed, Doesn’t Mention Hitler
Chuka’s Single Market flip-flop Chuka’s Single Market flip-flop
LABOUR HQ PURGE FEARS LABOUR HQ PURGE FEARS
Carter Ruck Deleting Brooks Newmark Sext Pics Carter Ruck Deleting Brooks Newmark Sext Pics
Mandelson Aide Funding Owen Smith Mandelson Aide Funding Owen Smith
OILY WANTED CORBYN TO GO ON OILY WANTED CORBYN TO GO ON
Hinkley: Forseeable Financial Fiasco Hinkley: Forseeable Financial Fiasco
Baroness Shami(less) Baroness Shami(less)
Just How Totes Posh Is Stella Creasy? Just How Totes Posh Is Stella Creasy?
Thornberry “Sky Sexism” Meltdown Thornberry “Sky Sexism” Meltdown
WATCH HILLARY DROP WATCH HILLARY DROP
PMQs Sketch PMQs Sketch
Vaz Broke Law Vaz Broke Law
Cancel Hinkley Cancel Hinkley
Vaz On Front Pages Vaz On Front Pages