I Do Like to Bi Beside the Seaside

Readers of Guido’s Sun on Sunday column will be dismayed to hear that turnout for the Lib Dems Conference Bisexual Flashmob wasn’t as high as one would expect from such an esteemed event. Despite their calls for ‘all bi, pan and multisexual people’ to join them at Bournemouth Pier, it appears that only a few dozen managed to attend, with even Simon Hughes opting to give the event a miss.

If any fewer had turned out, the attendance figure would have been almost bi-nary…

Sky News Analyse LibDem Glee Club

Things have got so bad for hacks sent to cover the dreary LibDem conference that Sky News’ determined pol ed resorted to analysing the lyrics of last night’s Glee Club singalong:

“We’ve run out of luck, and now we’re all f**ked, oh it all just sucks…”

LibDems Longing For Clegg

One politically-confused co-conspirator took it upon themselves to join the Liberal Democrats this month. The charitable reader was however surprised to receive a slightly nostalgic membership card:

The back reads like an obituary:

A LibDem source confirms it is one of several current membership cards available, along the theme of “liberal people from history“:

“We do a range of about 11 or 12, and new members can choose whichever one they want… it’s a variety of liberal images/people from history. Lloyd George, Gladstone, Paddy, Kirsty Williams, a pair of sandals, Charles Kennedy, Shirley Williams etc. We’re launching a Tim Farron one at conference”.

Don’t all rush at once…

Shameless LibDems Bung Honours to More Donors

nick clegg sad

Next time the LibDems tell us how the House of Lords is an antiquated, corrupt body that needs reform, remember who they chose to give honours to today:

Duncan Greenland CBE: Has donated a total of £316,858.95 to the LibDems since 2004, £31,000 of which went to Clegg’s constituency.

Richard Duncalf OBE: Donated £216,000 to the party since 2007, including an individual £10,000 donation to Clegg.

Sir Anthony Ullman: Given the party £108,000 in total, including £30,000 directly to Clegg four days before he visited Ullmann’s firm in 2013.

Ian Wright CBE: Given £32,807.79 in addition to £9,000 to Clegg directly.

It stinks.

Lib Dem Fever

lib disco

A rollcall of ex Lib Dem MPs are showing that they will survive their election defeats and move on up to regaining their party’s r-e-s-p-e-c-t by headlining this years Lib Dem Conference Saturday night disco inferno. The MPs turned MCs include hot stuff Jo Swinson and Julian Huppert, aka DJ J-HUPZ, who will be hoping to see everybody dance as they play that funky music all night long. Good times…

dj j-hupz

Tickets are £10 at libdemdisco.co.uk Get them quick or you’ll be dancing in the street…

Where’s Cleggy?

Not only is Nick Clegg missing from Tim Farron’s star-studded top team, the LibDems have forgotten to include their former leader on the list of current MPs on their website:

There are only 8 of ’em, you’d have thought they could remember them all…

Clegg Turns Down Farron Job Offer

farron1

The LibDems have announced their new ‘top’ team. Clearly Nick Clegg is too busy with his speaking engagements:

“Nick Clegg was offered a post in Tim’s spokesperson team, but decided after some consideration that he wanted to take a quieter role on the back benches and would not be taking a spokesperson position at this time.”

Here are the riveting details in full:

  1. Leader: Tim Farron MP
  2. Economics: Baroness Susan Kramer
  3. Foreign Affairs/Chief Whip/Leader of the house: Tom Brake MP
  4. Defence: Baroness Judith Jolly
  5. Home Affairs: Alistair Carmichael MP
  6. Health: Norman Lamb MP
  7. Education: John Pugh MP
  8. Work and Pensions: Baroness Zahida Manzoor
  9. Business: Lorely Burt
  10. Energy and Climate Change: Lynne Featherstone
  11. Local Government: Mayor of Watford, Cllr Dorothy Thornhill
  12. Transport: Baroness Jenny Randerson
  13. Environment and Rural Affairs: Baroness Kate Parminter
  14. International Development: Baroness Lindsay Northover
  15. Culture Media and Sport: Baroness Jane Bonham-Carter
  16. Equalities: Baroness Meral Hussein-Ece
  17. Justice/Attorney General: Lord Jonathan Marks
  18. Northern Ireland: Lord John Alderdice
  19. Scotland: Willie Rennie MSP, Leader of the Scottish Liberal Democrats
  20. Wales: Kirsty Williams AM, Leader of the Welsh Liberal Democrats
  21. Campaigns Chair: Greg Mullholland MP
  22. Grassroots Campaigns: Cllr Tim Pickstone, Chair of the Association of Liberal Democrat Councillors

Who?

Clegg Whores Himself Out For $55,000

Poor Nick Clegg has seen his £134,565 Deputy Prime Minister’s salary plummet to a measly £67,000 now he is merely a lowly MP. How will he cope?

By hiring Leading Authorities, a Washington based agent, to manage his after-dinner speaking engagements. Boasting of his “internationalist approach to world affairs”, Clegg says he is available to give speeches “in five European languages”:

“For UK audiences, Clegg shares his experiences about the future of politics and the direction of the UK, specifically relating to the EU. For international groups, he explores how current UK politics affects international relations.”

How much will it set you back to book him? A cool $55,000.

Asian audiences with deeper pockets are asked to “please inquire”.

Seems a bit steep… Ken Clarke will do you a drab speech about Europe for under 10 grand…

12.5% of LibDem Parliamentary Party Elected Leader

Westminster stops still for the most riveting news since the election:

Tim Farron received 56.5% of the votes and in second place Norman Lamb received the backing of 43.5%.

It’s Farron.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Senior LibDem Demands Resurrection of Charlie Kennedy

A somewhat unfortunate blogpost went up on the LibDemFuture site yesterday written by Gareth Epps, a former parliamentary candidate who sits on his party’s federal policy committee. Among Epps’ musings about the future direction of the LibDems, published by the site last night, is this suggestion:

“Our federal structure and the presence of several political heavyweights are advantages that should be used.

[…]

+ READ MORE +

LibDem LOL

They don’t know when it happened, or why, but the LibDems were left disappointed when they pulled up the Chancellor’s Twitter page to look at his Budget photo this morning:

Safely the most retweeted LibDem press office tweet ever…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Theresa May Urged to Launch New Handycock Probe

Self-confessed teen fondler Mike Hancock might have lost his seat but he is not out of the woods yet. The Tory, Labour, UKIP and even LibDem group leaders in Portsmouth have all written to Theresa May demanding that the police take action:

Dear Mrs May,

We, the undersigned councillors of Portsmouth City Council, feel compelled to write to you about the failure of Hampshire Constabulary to investigate and take appropriate action regarding allegations of serious misconduct surrounding former councillor and MP Mike Hancock…

As you may know from national press reports, the careworker for a vulnerable adult (known as ‘Annie’) with mental health issues reported to Hampshire Constabulary in 2010 that Cllr Hancock had sexually assaulted or harassed Annie, in proper compliance with the Safeguarding Adults Policy.

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Sad Press Release of the Day

Former MP Stephen Lloyd lands West End director role

After narrowly losing his seat as the MP for Eastbourne and Willingdon, Stephen Lloyd was one of many former parliamentarians looking for a fresh challenge after May’s general election. However, it hasn’t taken the popular politician very long to re-start his career in business after being appointed Business Development Director at West End, an international event, broadcast, multi-media communications and exhibition company based in Eastbourne.

[…]

+ READ MORE +

LibDems Ask Crosby Textor Fullbrook for Help

ctf

The LibDem’s Head of Strategic Research, Tom Smithard, has written to CTF, the firm run by Lynton Crosby, Mark Textor and Mark Fullbrook which was hired by the Conservatives at great expense to do their polling and give campaign advice.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Charles Kennedy Died From “Major Hemorrhage”

Charles Kennedy died from a “major haemorrhage” that “was a consequence of his battle with alcoholism”, his family tells Press Association. […]

+ READ MORE +

Charlie Kennedy 1959 – 2015

Family statement:

‘Charles died at home in Fort William yesterday. He was 55. We are obviously devastated at the loss. Charles was a fine man, a talented politician, and a loving father to his young son. We ask therefore that the privacy of his family is respected in the coming days. 

[…]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Heather Wheeler talks to Burton Mail about her tweet…

“It was a tongue in cheek pop after the European Parliament tweet – it was purely that. I also wanted to congratulate Team GB on a brilliant result and thirdly congratulate the Commonwealth countries who also did very well. Fourth, I am also looking forwarded to establishing new trade agreements. That was it – nothing more. Let’s just enjoy the summer!”

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