Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Super Secret LibDem Strategy Memo Leaked

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that should you ask nicely for something not to be leaked, said document will always leak. And thus, here is Paddy Ashdown’s Liberal Democrat election strategy:

The attached “comprehensive briefing” document is painfully dull, but it does confirm that the LibDems will not be targeting any new seats in 2015.

Batten down the hatches… 

LibDems Keep Women Away From Lawyers in Glasgow

The LibDems are taking no chances that the past indiscretions of pervy peers and handsy MPs will come back to bite them up in Glasgow. As illustrated by the map above, the LibDem Women’s stand in the conference exhibition hall this year has been situated at the furthest possible point to the right of the room. The LibDem Lawyers stand, meanwhile, is at the furthest possible point to the left of the room, as far away as possible from any potential clients. Presumably Lord Rennard was in charge of the layout…

Monday, October 6, 2014

More Mixed Messaging From the Labour Party

David Ward, according to Labour, when he says something Labour disagree with:

“vile and irresponsible.”

David Ward, according to Labour, when he says something Labour agree with:

A specular example of cake-based consumption and retention policy in action.

Boring Snoring LibDem Conference Picture Special

Tired after a long day at LibDem conference? Fancy finding a quiet, empty spot for a quick nap to recharge your batteries? Where better than right in the middle of the conference hall. It’s not like any LibDems would turn up to a debate on tackling child abuse, after all:

Alternatively, you could always grab forty winks while your leader is speaking:

That seemed to be a popular choice among delegates for some shut eye:

Cheer up love, it might never happen (not for seven months anyway):

Guido cannot fathom why box office speaker Jo Swinson failed to draw a bigger crowd:

The Daily Mash reports that LibDem conference “has the ambience of a porno cinema”:

Only two more days to go…

Pics via Twitter.

Can Anyone Work Out the Top Line?

Convicted Child-Beater Addresses LibDem Conference

Speaking on stage in Glasgow yesterday was one Colin Rosenstiel, a LibDem councillor in Cambridge for 37 years. What Rosenstiel neglected to mention to his audience was that, just three months ago, he pleaded guilty to hitting a 7 year old girl in the face in the middle of a crowded shopping centre. A policeman who witnessed the incident described it as a “smash to the face”, leaving the girl “upset and crying” and “pale and frightened”. Rosenstiel is considered dangerous and should not be approached by delegates, especially if they are under the age of eight…

UPDATE: Of course there is also the time when Rosenstiel blocked an ambulance carrying an injured man. And the time commuters reported him “shouting at the top of his voice” when he refused to move his bicycle from a train carriage. Rosenstiel is currently undergoing counselling for anger management.

Rich’s Monday Morning View

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

LibDems Give Two New Jobs to Disgraced Rape Row Councillor

Four days after Mike Hancock left the party and the LibDems have already screwed up their next sex scandal. Disgraced Milton Keynes councillor Subhan Shafiq was forced to quit as mayor when he was exposed for allegedly giving character references to up to three alleged sex offenders applying to become taxi drivers, including rapist Nadeem Kiari. Lib Dem group leader Douglas McCall says despite this he is standing by Shafiq. That’s not all, McCall has just handed Shafiq two new council committee roles, on the health and adult social care committee and joint negotiating committee. Will they ever learn?

H/T miltonkeynes.co.uk

Friday, September 19, 2014

LibDems Bury Hancock Resignation News at Midnight

A nice touch from LibDem spinners to announce Mike Hancock’s resignation from the party at midnight while the nation’s journalists were looking elsewhere, especially since he handed in his letter several days ago. Guido cannot imagine why they wanted to bury the news about their MP who had confessed to inappropriate sexual behaviour with a mentally ill constituent, which was then covered up by the party, and ignored by Nick Clegg‘s office. What was that about the LibDems taking a long hard look in the mirror?

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Another LibDem Contribution to Statistical Excellence

Guido can only doff his cap to the LibDems for this piece of statistical brilliance. The unrivalled data wizards over at Great George Street, for whom any budding student of stats should take inspiration, have produced the following masterpiece on their membership numbers:

With no axes or numbers whatsoever, it really is a quite beautiful example of how to make a 5% increase in members over five quarters look like a 300% rise. Guido would never want to help a rival, but he would not begrudge the LibDems entering this effort at next year’s Royal Statistical Society awardsThe Guy Newsroom salutes you…


Seen Elsewhere

Rise of Angela Merkel | New Yorker
May SpAd Removed From Candidates List | ConHome
Clodagh’s Law | Press Gazette
Whitehall Bosses Ban Christmas | Sun
Meanwhile, in Russia… | Media Guido
Christmas TV Tips | Laura Perrins
Labour Marginal Fright | Lord Ashcroft
Osborne’ Real Deficit Reduction Record | ConHome
Blameronism | Peter Oborne
Everyone Can Lose | Staggers
Splintering of the Left | Tim Montgomerie


Find out more about PLMR AD-MS


Labour insiders turn on Ed over Powell’s latest gaffe:

“When is he going to stop promoting useless people? He was warned about her.”


Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:






RSS


AddThis Feed Button
Archive


Labels
Guido Reads
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,641 other followers