Inside the Bizarre Lib Dem Manifesto Launch

IMG_20150415_101853

Guido headed across the river to the Lib Dem Manifesto launch held in a Battersea warehouse that has been turned into a “creative space.” It was so creative that to accuses the venue, you had to wander down a graffiti strewn brick passageway that opened up into bizarre neon nightclub. At the front was a garishly lit cage where the main event would take place, while strewn around  the edges were Maoist canvases of the dear leader himself in a number of ideological poses. Nick Clegg painting a wall, Nick Clegg watering vegtables, Nick Clegg holding a hammer…

All the press big wigs were there. Quentin Letts had positioned himself nonchalantly leaning against a rusty pillar at the front, sceptically surveying the sandal clad crowd, while Faisal Islam stood agitated at the back, pleading with his producer to stop patronising him. “Just speak clearly and I’ll be fine, I’m just going to do a show and tell”…

Clegg walked into the neon lit ring stage and with casual abandon began addressing the party faithful. “We made Britain better,” clap clap. “The Lib Dems would add heart to a Conservative government and a brain to a Labour one,” clap clap. “Most people want a a stronger economy and a fairer society,” clap clap. Farage bad. Salmond bad. Nick Clegg good, clap clap. The words were coming out with the rhythmic determination of a seppuku death poem. 

With a final ripple of applause and the finishing line in sight, a relieved Clegg settled into taking questions with a rambling self-assuredness. But the venue gremlins weren’t going to be so kind. The sound system went haywire, someone kicked over a fancy LED uplight and the broadcasters gave up on waiting for the thing to finish and started broadcasting from the back in defiance of the hushing from the Lib Dem supporters. They should have spend less on fancy lights and more on a PA system…

LibDem Manifesto In Full

Enjoy…

Lib Dems Come Out For SnapChat

clegg selfie snapchat

In an attempt to secure some much needed credibility ahead of the election, the Liberal Democrats have come out in support of teenage sexting apps such as Snapchat and WhatsApp. If by any chance they find themselves in government again, they plan to introduce a measure that will prevent the government from obstructing availability, or weakening the encryption technologies that lie at the heat of Snapchat type applications:

“individuals and families need to have confidence that their private information, photos and conversations are not vulnerable to hackers”

The measure was announced as part of the conveniently timed launch of the Lib Dems’ Digital Rights Bill which they would introduce if they are part of another coalition government. Someone needs to defend saucy phone pics…

From Saudi to Suffolk

Most candidates try to make the most of any local links they have to the constituency in which they are running. No one can say this of David Chappell, the LibDem hopeful in Bury St Edmunds:

He’ll be hoping the voters don’t Riyadh too much into it…

H/T @DannyHackett

First Picture of Murdered LibDem Bird

In a break with tradition – they usually shoot dogs – the LibDem battle bus has just killed a pigeon. A fitting metaphor…

New LibDem Attack Ad: “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word” For Ed

The LibDems try to outdo the Greens with a musical attack ad of their own. Guido preferred “I’m sorry”…

Ashcroft Poll: Clegg Behind in Sheffield Hallam

The LibDems have dismissed talk of Nick Clegg losing Sheffield Hallam as nonsense, but Lord Ashcroft has him trailing Labour by two points in the seat today. The rest of the LibDem battleground polling makes dire reading too. Just a snapshot…

BBC Digital Election Fail

He’s behind you…

LibDems Feline Funny

If you go to the LibDems’ website this morning, this is what you see. Apparently it’s all because when Joey Essex met Nick Clegg he thought the party was called the “Liberal Democats”. Well using cat pictures in a […]

+ READ MORE +

Another LibDem Arrested For Child Abuse

The LibDem candidate fighting Gloria de Piero in Ashfield and Eastwood has quit after been arrested over historic allegations of child sex abuse. Jason Zadrozny is accused of:

“an allegation of buggery and gross indecency with a male under 16

[…]

+ READ MORE +

The 33 Tories and LibDems That Beat the Government

33 government votes handed the day to Labour. 23 Tories:

David Amess
Bob Blackman
Peter Bone
Graham Brady
Conor Burns
Christopher Chope
Tracey Crouch
Philip Davies
David Davis
Cheryl Gillan
Zac Goldsmith
James Gray
Adam Holloway
Bernard Jenkin
Jeremy Lefroy

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Yello’, Yello’, Yello': Cops Called Over LibDem Sleaze

The Metropolitan Police are investigating the LibDems after their former chief fundraiser Ibrahim Taguri was filmed telling an undercover ‘donor’ “when you do this, the doors will open for you”. The Electoral Commission says they have passed on the […]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Ken Clarke tells the Ben Fellows trial:

“The idea that I would go strolling off in order to grope a man in an office is highly unlikely.”

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