Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Burnham’s Barnstorming Leadership Bid

As if Miliband’s week couldn’t get any worse, ambitious Andy Burnham has just managed not one but two standing ovations in a very well-received speech in the Labour conference hall:

 Imagine that went down like a cup of cold sick in Miliband’s hotel room…

Labour Supporting Columnists Have Their Say on Ed’s Speech

Guido Had a Bizarre Dream Last Night…

…that he was down the Rover’s Return on Coronation Street when this vaguely familiar face came in and stared at him from the other end of the bar:

Then Guido stumbles out and bumps into Len McCluskey, before having an awkward moment with Owen Jones. “Last night I met Guido, a blogger. He told me…”

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Gareth Can’t Decide Between Yellow and Red

Poor due diligence from Labour speechwriters on Gareth from IT, the man Ed spent a large portion of his speech talking about meeting. It turns out he voted LibDem at the last election. Here he is unable to decide between yellow and red:

‘Elizabeth’, another of the many people who have met Ed Miliband and gone on to feature in his speeches, meanwhile says she is keeping an open mind about who she is voting for next year. Obviously ‘Colin’ does not have a vote next time, given he is no longer with us. He died shortly after his conversation with Ed, but not before speaking in perfect soundbites.  The personal touch doesn’t seem to be working…

 

Theme From Brother, Slogan From Obama, Jokes From Blair


Finally a sign that David Axelrod is actually doing some work for Ed Miliband? It wasn’t just the Labour leader’s top line, “Together we can”, that was a clunkier rip off of Obama. Miliband then told the conference hall “For Labour this election is about you”, lifted straight from Obama’s stump speeches in which he told voters; “This election is not about me. It’s about you.” Labour are paying Axelrod a six figure sum for second hand goods…

While every politician tries to mimic Obama these days, it’s a bit harsh of Ed to quote his stabbed brother. “On your own” was a David Miliband line repeated by Ed as a warning of what would happen unless people vote for him. It’s what David tried in 2008 when he said “unless government is on your side you end up on your own”. At the time Cameron described this as “one of the most arrogant things I’ve heard a politician say”. So that’s the slogan as well as the theme that he’s lifted. 

And he wasn’t done there. Miliband also pinched his opening gag from Tony Blair’s speech to Labour conference in 2006, almost word for word. Then Blair said:

“I know I look a lot older. That’s what being leader of the Labour Party does to you. Actually, looking round some of you look a lot older.”

Today Ed said:

“Since I was here 4 years ago, I feel wiser. I feel older. A lot older! But hang on, some of you lot look older too.”

So much for no more borrowing…

Guido’s Fashion Tips: What the Milibands Were Wearing

justine

Justine is wearing a fuchsia pink outfit with a black belt squeezing her middle. According to last night’s Standard claret is the colour for autumn – a shade of proletarian Pinot? “No f**king idea” who the dress is by, a Labour spokesman tells Guido.

UPDATE: Mrs Miliband was wearing Zara and Ed a Spencer Hart suit.

Ed Balls Gangnam Style

Disturbing new photos have emerged of Ed Balls at Labour’s annual diversity party last night. The Standard reports:

“Host Keith Vaz stole the show by donning sunglasses for last night’s dance marathon, where two belly-dancers tied their bright sashes around the MP as they gyrated either side of him… Chuka Umunna, Harriet Harman, Sadiq Khan, Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper were among those showing off their moves at the event, which saw confetti fall from the ceiling as Gangnam Style was repeated at the end.”

What kind of monster wears sunglasses inside? 

WATCH: Sons of Brown Blank Forgotten Gordon

Ed Miliband thanked just about every Labour member who knocked on a door for the Better Together campaign yesterday, everyone except one Gordon Brown. Surely Ed Balls would have a kind word for his old master? Speaking to Iain Dale on LBC, the Shadow Chancellor awkwardly admitted he hadn’t even picked up the phone to say ‘thanks’.

The poor old Prime Mentalist is nowhere to be seen in Manchester…

Labour’s ‘One Nation’ Battleground Map Not Very One Nation

Michael Dugher is doing his best to instil some signs of life into Labour’s spiritless conference hall this morning, delivering the closest they’re going to get to a rallying cry:

“From Cannock to Carlisle, Hastings to Harlow, Burnley to Broxtowe, Wolverhampton to Weaver Vale and Cambridge to Colne Valley. East, west, south and north – thanks to our brilliant PPCs, our councillors, trade unionists, members from across the country, Labour is winning again in key seats that will decide the next general election.”

A look at Labour’s battleground map of key target seats for next year gives a somewhat different picture, with whole swathes of the Midlands, South, East and West left ignored:

What was that about ‘One Nation Labour’?

Shadow Pensions Secretary Doesn’t Know Basic State Pension

An MP not knowing the price of milk is one thing, but the Shadow Work and Pensions Secretary not knowing the value of the basic state pension is something else. Rachel Reeves did not know the answer when pressed several times by Nick Ferrari on LBC this morning:

NF: How much is a pension at the moment for an elderly person? What do they pull in a week now?

RR: It’s just under £100 a week, the basic state pension, of course.

NF: Is it?

RR: Yes.

NF: The basic state pension is just under £100?

RR: It’s around £100 a week. Of course…

NF: I thought it was £113.

RR: It’s around £100. If you…

NF: So you don’t actually know what the pension is?

RR: It depends how many years you’re contributed.

NF: Right.

NF: I’m told the pension figure is £113.10, do you recognise that figure?

RR: It does depend, Nick, on how many years…

NF: Well you’ve just said it’s under £100. It can’t be under £100.

RR: Well it depends on how many years you’ve contributed.

The basic state pension is now £113.10 per week

UPDATE: Reeves went on to say that poorer pensioners get a minimum income guarantee of “around £130-£140″. Quite a wide margin to give herself, the actual figure is just over £148 for a single person and £226 for a couple.


Seen Elsewhere

Labour Beats UKIP in South Yorkshire | LabourList
Mock the Week’s Weak Comedy | Nigel Farage
Can Jim Murphy Save Scottish Labour? | Guardian
There is Still Appetite for the Westminster Lunch | Jon Craig
Labour Turn Their Backs on Jewish Community | Dan Hodges
Chivalry is Not Dead | Laura Perrins
Jonathan Jones is a Tw*t | Iain Dale
Second Scotland Poll Suggests Labour Wipeout | Times
Paedo Probe Boss Urged to Quit | Sun
Keynesian Tories Won’t Eliminate Deficit | Tim Montgomerie
Whitehall Doesn’t Work | Dom Cummings


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“Politicians attempt to appeal to the lowest common denominator by posturing with tough policies and calling for crackdown after crackdown. Drugs policy has been failing for decades.”



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