Thursday, October 2, 2014

Back to School on National Poetry Day for Labour Carpetbagger

After accidentally re-tweeting a poem about Labour being full of “queers”, birthday boy Matt Hancock is getting a ribbing today. Lucy Rigby is from Islington, yet is carpetbagging up in Lincoln as the Labour Party candidate. Where to start with her attempt at a limerick for National Poetry Day?

Limericks should be structured in five-line anapestic meter with a strict rhyme scheme of AABBA. Not only is Rigby’s crap attempt only four lines, it barely even makes sense. ‘Matt’ and ‘Pitt’ do not rhyme, even if you are trying to fake a different accent to disguise the fact that you are standing 141 miles from your north London comfort zone. This may well be the worst Tweet from an aspiring politician Guido has ever seen. 

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Thin Purple Line: Labour UKIP Attack Tempts Fate

Labour are going big on their ‘UKIP are more Tory than the Tories’ line this morning following the defection of Tory donor Arron Banks to Nigel Farage’s party. Attack dog Michael Dugher tells the Guardian:

“David Cameron is haemorrhaging support and his authority is ebbing away. He can’t control his party, who clearly have no confidence in his leadership. And once again we see that Ukip are reliant on Tory money as well as Tory policy and Tory politicians, putting paid to the idea that they stand up for working people.”

Continuing with the same rhetoric they used to fight the tanks on their lawn up in Doncaster last week:

The problem with this line is that for increasing numbers of voters in Labour strongholds up north, UKIP is becoming more Labour than Labour. Traditional Labour voters are already switching over, and Dugher and co and going to be left red-faced when inevitably a big name party figure jumps ship and completely discredits this attack. First Labour ignored UKIP, then they laughed at them, but what happens if one of their MPs was to defect?

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Miliband ‘Forgets’ to Mention the Deficit Two More Times

Jon Snow’s bruising interview with Ed Miliband last night is well worth a watch. The Labour leader resembled a human punchbag as Snow forensically tore his speech apart bit by bit. When asked “What do you think is the greatest issue facing the next government?” Miliband once again ‘forgot’ to mention the deficit:

EM: “What I laid out yesterday is a plan to say we’re gonna make this country work once again for working people. Whether on the minimum wage, or the health service, or apprenticeships, or housing.”

JS: “What about the deficit?”

EM: [pause] “The deficit’s an important issue.”

JS: “Well you forgot to mention it. That’s the second time, two days running.”

There is also no mention of the deficit in Labour’s new Party Political Broadcast, released last night. It’s a good thing this interview was carried out in a hospital, Miliband needed to be patched up afterwards…

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

COMPETITION: Guess Whose Boots?

Disabled Delegates at Miliband Speech Moved From Front Row

Labour bosses are facing allegations that they ejected disabled delegates from their front row seats before Ed Miliband’s speech yesterday to make way for more telegenic members. Bernadette Horton, who walks with a crutch, reportedly tripped and fell as she was moved from her chair. Bernadette told the Morning Star she was told by stewards the seats were for disabled attendees, but was made to leave anyway to make way for “bright young things” to shake Miliband’s hand:

“As I was going up the stairs I just lost my footing and fell. I was really upset and shaken. The people in suits saw this but didn’t say anything. I said ‘if you’re Labour you should be ashamed. We’re like pariahs in our own party. It has to stop.”

Who made Bernadette move from her seat?

Guy News Labour Conference Special: Money, Money, Money

Confused about how Labour are going to fund their latest spending plans? You’re not the only one. In this afternoon’s Guy News Labour conference special, the Shadow Cabinet try to explain where the money will come from. They don’t know either.

“In my dreams, I have a plan… If I had a little money…”

Burnham’s Barnstorming Leadership Bid

As if Miliband’s week couldn’t get any worse, ambitious Andy Burnham has just managed not one but two standing ovations in a very well-received speech in the Labour conference hall:

 Imagine that went down like a cup of cold sick in Miliband’s hotel room…

Labour Supporting Columnists Have Their Say on Ed’s Speech

Guido Had a Bizarre Dream Last Night…

…that he was down the Rover’s Return on Coronation Street when this vaguely familiar face came in and stared at him from the other end of the bar:

Then Guido stumbles out and bumps into Len McCluskey, before having an awkward moment with Owen Jones. “Last night I met Guido, a blogger. He told me…”

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Gareth Can’t Decide Between Yellow and Red

Poor due diligence from Labour speechwriters on Gareth from IT, the man Ed spent a large portion of his speech talking about meeting. It turns out he voted LibDem at the last election. Here he is unable to decide between yellow and red:

‘Elizabeth’, another of the many people who have met Ed Miliband and gone on to feature in his speeches, meanwhile says she is keeping an open mind about who she is voting for next year. Obviously ‘Colin’ does not have a vote next time, given he is no longer with us. He died shortly after his conversation with Ed, but not before speaking in perfect soundbites.  The personal touch doesn’t seem to be working…

 


Seen Elsewhere

Tory MP Tells Leftie Jon Snow to Retire | Guardian
Russell Brand’s New Book “Sub-Undergraduate Dross” | Telegraph
Tory MP Barrister Represents Monaco Billionaire | Scrapbook
MOBO Singers Slam UKIP | ITV
Could UKIP Keep Britain in the EU? | Iain Martin
Why Piketty is Wrong | ConHome
Guido Whips Politicians Into Shape | Guardian
Milburn Levelling Down | Kathy Gyngell
Crosby and Carswell Make Friends at Guido’s Dinner | Mail
Mrs Danczuk Beats Mensch to Win Guido | Telegaph
PM Congratulates Blogger Who Destroyed Minister | Mail


VOTER-RECALL
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Rob Colvile reviews Russell Brand’s new book:

“Oddly, the person I feel sorriest for isn’t Brand himself – although he certainly comes across as a rather pitiable figure, projecting his own brokenness on to the world around him – but Johann Hari. Drummed out of Fleet Street for plagiarism, the former Independent columnist has washed up as “my mate Johann, who’s been doing research for this book”. For a genuinely talented polemicist, it would have been a humbling experience to have to treat this sub-undergraduate dross as the scintillating wisdom of a philosopher-king.”



Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!


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