Wednesday, April 6, 2011

What’s Kay Trying to Say?

Kay Burley sails close to the wind in her political bonkbuster ‘First Ladies.’ Guido has touched on the similarities to certain real life ladies involved the the Blair-like PM in the novel already. Not content with upsetting the lawyers there, Kay pushes things even further…

In the most shocking scene in the book, “Valerie”, nearly dies after taking a drink and drugs overdose in the No. 10 flat, while her husband ‘Julian’, the Blair-like PM, is at a tryst with one of his mistresses. She is discovered unconscious in the middle of the night by her 13 year old daughter. No. 10 officials try to stop doctors rushing her to hospital to stop the press from finding out.

Any similarity between this and a real life drama in No. 10 concerning the Blair family is pure coincidence.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Violence of the Left

Remember when the British left joined the passing bandwagon from the States and suggested that violent political rhetoric could be blamed for violence against actual politicians? Guido never bought the line, but for all the song and dance they made, it’s funny that there has been no outcry about this posting from online looney lair Left Futures:

The Photoshopping is pretty poor, but you get the point. Left Futures is run by senile old fool Michael Meacher and his head-banging, Lufter Rahman supporting, aide Jon Lansman. The list of reasons Labour might want to tread with caution around them grows ever longer…

Via Harry’s Place

Monday, April 4, 2011

Hain – The Hidden Chapters

Guido is always happy to hear news of an old friend, so imagine his delight when this press release arrived earlier:

“BITEBACK is delighted to announce it will be publishing the autobiography of former Cabinet Minister Peter Hain in January 2012. Hain held an array of glittering posts in the British political firmament under both Blair and Brown.”

Guido can’t wait to finally read the truth about keeping it in the family – with the details of what Hain’s pensioner mother was doing to earn her taxpayer funded salary as one of his staff. The truth behind that bank robbery in 1974 that Hain was charged with, but got off after blaming “a body double.” One of the most interesting chapters will surely be how he didn’t notice that “someone else” was spending an extra hundred grand during his deputy-leadership bid and how he couldn’t add it all up. The fun he had digging up cricket pitches as a Liberal Party student activist. And finally we may learn the truth of exactly how he was exposed to that perma-tan blast of radiation.

Another Spending Balls Up

As Ed Balls let out a huge sigh of relief, having narrowly avoided decapitation from Tory rival Antony Calvert last May, he couldn’t help put the boot in:

“You can come along with all your posters, and all your leaflets, and all your advertising, but you cannot buy this constituency”

Despite having his office funded by the unions and a parliamentary communications allowance to fall back on, Balls made the wholly incorrect assertion that Calvert was being funded by Ashcroft cash, when the opposite was true. Calvert used YouFundMe to raise money from small donations from across the country that tapped into the low regard the Shadow Chancellor is held in. Now neighbouring Tory candidate Nick Pickles has digested the election spending figures and guess what:

Yes, despite accusing his opponent of trying to buy his seat, Balls spent £26,659 to Calvert’s £24,911. Has there ever been a sum he’s got right?

One thing is for certain, Balls is terrified now his seat has been put into play by an outsider. There is a very high chance he will lose it under AV. There is nothing Guido enjoys more than seeing constant Twitter pictures of him canvassing his ultra-marginal in the pouring rain every Saturday morning. This weekend he had to stoop even lower to beg for funds:

Please make cheques payable to the “Washed Out Celebrities and Transvestite Fund” c/o The Labour Party.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Ed’s Cyber Spinner Out

Alex Smith will no longer be carrying Ed Miliband’s bags or fighting his fight on Twitter. The successor to Derek Draper as LabourList editor was an early backer of Ed Miliband during the leadership campaign. He has confirmed the rumour that he is off to pastures new. Word is that a combination of his ambition to be more than just a junior bag carrier cum social media spinner plus Alex’s refreshingly direct tendency to say what he really thinks, even without being asked, meant that his card was marked.

At 28 it is probably about time he got a proper job anyway…

Loyal Balls Blames Blinking

The long interview with Ed Balls in the Staggers tickled Guido. The humanisation project is rolling on:

So what does he think his biggest weakness is? There is a long pause. “I think three or four years ago, people would have said my biggest weakness was that sometimes I was awkward on television, with my stammer, but I think they’d say that much less now.”

Yeah that must be why everyone hates you Ed.

I try again. What would he say his biggest weakness is now? Another long pause. “I’m a very loyal person and I allowed myself to be defined as somebody who was doing Gordon’s bidding. I should have fought back harder to define myself at an earlier stage.”

Blinky BallsNothing that a good unleashing of the “forces of hell” couldn’t have fixed. Balls topped Guido’s poll yesterday for the most annoying MP, with 39.4% (2600 of the 6,600 people polled) in agreement with the PM that he was the one. A smaller poll for The Times had 66% of those responding opting for Balls as the prime irritant.

But only because he’s a bit awkward and too loyal!

Justice Day

Back in 2009 eagle-eyed Scottish journalist Paul Hutcheon, who is the investigations man at The Herald, cornered Labour’s Jim Devine. His dodgy receipts, VAT numbers and mystery shelving reeked. As the expenses scandal progressed, The Sunlight Centre saw an opportunity to further the exposé and reported Devine to the Met. This morning he is facing a lengthy spell at Her Majesty’s pleasure.

Devine didn’t exactly help his cause before the trial:

It’s taken time, but justice looks set to be served at the Old Bailey – jail for stealing from the taxpayer. Law makers can not be law breakers and should be treated harshly in view of their position of power.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Red Ed’s “Refounding”

Ed Miliband has apparently promised to ‘refound’ the Labour. When he is done with that he is going to town on the English dictionary.

The document is straight out of the Cameron-detoxify playbook but interesting to see the unions being diluted by the public potentially having a say over the leader. It’s lucky for Red Ed that this rule wasn’t already in place. It’s pretty cosmetic stuff…

Guido can’t help think that a lot of these measures would have been unnecessary on a Miliband (D) and Cooper ticket.

Harris Ain’t Happy

Guido saw that this video had only got 2 views and thought it deserved a wider audience:

Though Tom Harris might want to have a quiet word in the ear of his fellow Labour MPs Tom Blenkinsop, Ronnie Campbell, Martin Caton, Katy Clark, Michael Connarty, Jeremy Corbyn, David Crausby, Jim Dobbin, Jim Hood, Kelvin Hopkins, Gerald Kaufman, John McDonnell, Alan Meale, Linda Riordan, Virendra Sharma and Marsha Singh. They all signed up to heap praise on UK Uncut, whose spokesman last night refused to condemn the violence.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

This Stella is a Bit Off

In somewhat poor taste Labour MP Stella Creasy decided it would be a good idea to try to flog the order paper from Monday’s Libya debate signed by Ed Miliband for a Labour fundraiser. Someone clearly pointed out it was a bit off and it quietly disappeared from her website. Google got it though:

Surely a self-proclaimed social media expert should know the internet lasts forever?


Seen Elsewhere

Comply or Die at Grauniad | MediaGuido
Labour Beats UKIP in South Yorkshire | LabourList
Mock the Week’s Weak Comedy | Nigel Farage
Can Jim Murphy Save Scottish Labour? | Guardian
There is Still Appetite for the Westminster Lunch | Jon Craig
Labour Turn Their Backs on Jewish Community | Dan Hodges
Chivalry is Not Dead | Laura Perrins
Jonathan Jones is a Tw*t | Iain Dale
Second Scotland Poll Suggests Labour Wipeout | Times
Paedo Probe Boss Urged to Quit | Sun
Keynesian Tories Won’t Eliminate Deficit | Tim Montgomerie


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