Douglas Carswell Goes All “Hello Kippy”

hello-kippy

Guido assumes that Douglas Carswell’s kids have got hold of his iPad or iPhone:

Though Douglas is an advocate of digital democracy so perhaps this is a virtual simulation of utopia…

UPDATE: Carswell tweets:

Tories Admit New Voter Software is Busted

A leaked email has revealed the Tory field data operation is in dire straights just 98 days from polling day. With half of their associations dumping the dire Merlin voter data software for a new voter contact system, CCHQ have now been forced to admit that the upgrade is busted too. In the busiest donation period of the entire election cycle, party bosses have admitted that all donations of over £500 have to be declared manually to CCHQ with a spreadsheet rather than simply entered in the software – as promised. Which defeats the point of the expensive change over…

To: ALL CONSTITUENCY OFFICES, CHAIRMAN, DEPUTY CHAIRMAN MEMBERSHIP AND FINANCE
Cc: FIELD STAFF

As you know, the Party is replacing the MERLIN software with a new membership and campaigning system called VoteSource. Over 350 associations have already decided to move to VoteSource, and their MERLIN has not been updated with the new registers of electors that were published on 1 December in England and Wales*. For these users VoteSource must now be used for all election campaigning. Donors giving over £500 to the Association, or over £50 directly to a candidate, must be checked on VoteSource, but see below for how to report.

A number of associations have decided to remain on MERLIN. For these seats, donors giving over £500 to the Association, or over £50 directly to a candidate, must be checked on MERLIN, but only after you have explicitly been told by the Helpdesk that your MERLIN is being rolled over to the new register. If in doubt about your MERLIN’s status, please email XXXXXX@conservatives.com, or to check donors email their name and address to XXXXXX@conservatives.com

Donation reporting functionality will be added to VoteSource soon. Until then, donations over £500 must be recorded on the attached spreadsheet. We will, as usual, send a spreadsheet at the end of the quarter** showing any donations that reach us through MERLIN, but otherwise this sheet should be your main reporting form. For the password, please call us on 020 7x XXX XXX

Remember that donations for January to March will need to be reported by 10 April, ie in the middle of the peak of campaigning, and so we strongly recommend that you update this sheet as and when you receive donations in order to avoid extra stress in April. Donations that are being made directly to a candidate or the election agent account are subject to the £50 threshold for checks, and are listed on the return of election expenses INSTEAD of reporting to us.

The Helpdesk will announce when donation functionality is available in VoteSource, but until then if you have any donation or reporting queries please do not hesitate to contact us: XXXXXXX@conservatives.com, 020 7XXX XXXX

* In Scotland, registers are not due to be updated until 10 March.

** Donations checked between 1 January and 30 March will be emailed to the association office on 11 April.

There are a lot of rather irate agents out there, facing a load more hassle.

Peer: ISIS Gains “Entirely Due” to WhatsApp or Snapchat

In a moment of admirable honesty while scrutinising the Counter-Terrorism and Security Bill, former defence secretary Tom King admitted that while he’s not a tweeter and he does not know about WhatsApp and Snapchat, he is certain that “the terrorists and jihadists do”:

So certain is Lord King of the terrorists’ prowess with WhatsApp and Snapchat, that he believes the reason for ISIL’s advance across Iraq and Syria was entirely down to the teenage sexting apps:

“It includes the use of things that not all your Lordships—that certainly includes me—are masters of. I am not a tweeter. We have Facebook and Twitter. Somebody tried to explain WhatsApp to me; somebody else tried to explain Snapchat. I do not know about them, but it is absolutely clear that the terrorists and jihadists do. The understanding is that part of the reason for ISIL’s amazing advance across Syria and into Iraq was that their communications were so good and the way they kept together was entirely due to one or other of the last two systems that I mentioned, which they handled with great intelligence.”

 This message will self destruct in 10, 9, 8….

Tories Deny Photoshopping Miliband to Make Him Look Fat

Tory sources deny any manipulation of Ed’s face to make him look fatter on their new poster.

We report, you decide…

UPDATE:

This is the source image, via Getty:

UPDATE II:

The Tory chairman tells Iain Dale:

“This is clearly a mocked up poster and so clearly it’s a bit of Photoshop work.”

New Saudi King Renames Roads While Body Still Warm

king road

Following the death King Abdullah this morning, the newly appointed absolute monarch of Saudi Arabia King Salman has waited no time in doing what all good employees should – updating his online presence. Within hours of his brothers death, Google has changed the name of Prince Salman Road in Riyadh to King Salman Road. The body is still warm…

King Salman was also quick to change his Twitter handle from @HRHPSalman to @KingSalman, a name it appears he has been squatting on for some time.

king twitter

Someone called “Richard” is sitting on @king_uk. Guido wonders who is might be…

Yet Another Labour Party Internetz Win

Picture the scene. You have just filmed a hard-hitting party political broadcast with a 91 year old war hero. It’s strong stuff, and you think it will get people interested in your party. So, at the end of the PPB, you put your party’s website up on the screen. Except, instead of the correct URL (www.labour.org.uk/harry), you send them to www.labour.org/harry, a parked domain that belongs to someone else and used to for  job recruitment. “But we don’t need millions for this election, as we’re going to win the internetz.”

Selfie Sticks Banned at UK Music Venues

selfie

Once upon a time they were the domain of the Asian tourist, but now they are so popular that nanny is coming for them. In a shocking clamp down on freedom, a group of major music venues have now banned “selfie sticks”. The O2 Academy Brixton, London’s O2 Arena and the SSE Wembley Arena are now stick free zones. These extendible poles allow users to take self photos from new and exciting angles have become something of cultural phenomenon recently. While the venues still welcome selfie taking, the use of elongated aids have been forbidden on health and safety grounds. A real blow to cleavage shots.

How’s That Social Media Thingy Working Out For Ya?

Remember when Labour tried to boost party morale by claiming that they may be outspent at this election, but at least they were winning the internetz? Well Facebook has not gone very well for them today. #CameronMustGo

13 Other Countries That Ban Encryption

putin

There’s been something of an uproar in the cryptography community following the revelation yesterday that Digital Dave is planning to clamp down on encrypted communication. It seems the PM’s plans aren’t just remarkably naive, they’re simply unenforceable. Most decent encryption […]

+ READ MORE +

Tories Use Paris Terror to Mobilise Election Leafleting

Perhaps a slightly ill-advised Facebook status from the Tory leaflet fodder machine “Roadtrip 2015” this morning:

Indeed, even its own Tory supporters are less than impressed:

The late editor of Charlie Hebdo was a supporter of the French communist party…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Socialist Twitter Stasi Ban #EmptyShelvesInVenezuela Hashtag

The great socialist experiment is going so well in Venezuela that the country has run out of McDonald’s French fries and soap. Online dissent is being quelled by the authoritarian regime, with President Maduro’s government banning photos of bare […]

+ READ MORE +

Miliband Election Chief Wants Gong For Sex Assault Star

lucy

Labour’s walking election disaster Lucy Powell showed what a woman of the people she is with this tweet about darts champ Phil “The Power” Taylor:

[…]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Liam Fox shreds Cameron’s Calais scaremongering:

“Sad and disappointed to see our Prime Minister stoop to this level of scaremongering, especially as he knows the Calais agreement is nothing to do with the EU and agreed between the two govts”

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