Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Guido’s Fashion Tips: Alec Shelbrooke’s Tiger Onesie

Guido has returned from lunch to the sight of Tory MP Alec Shelbrooke on the Daily Politics, in a tiger onesie:

He pledges to wear it in the Commons if he can raise £5,000 for a hospice charity. A grrrrrreat cause, donate here

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Dave’s Designer Hairdresser Denies Bald Patch

Client confidentiality is assured with Lino Carbosiero MBE, the PM’s designer hairdresser.

Appearing on Sky News to deny his gong was anything to do with the fact he re-branded Dave’s sidey, the smooth talker claimed there was no bald patch.

Which would  the cameras…

And in his never ending quest for impartiality, Guido put it to Labour:

“Ed doesn’t have one person that cuts his hair. He sometimes goes to the local barbers.”

A man of the people. The mystery remains about Osborne’s radical redesign…

Friday, November 8, 2013

Westminster’s Longest Serving Press Officer Departs

He’s had the hardest jobs in politics for a decade but now UKIP head of press Gawain Towler is heading back to Brussels. He will also stand for election in 2014. Putting out fires since most other spinners were still at school, Towler dealt with fruitcakes, loonies and Nigel Farage on a daily basis for years. Westminster will be darker without his signature red trousers, and farewell to the cravat/bowler hat/tweed look. Towler was of course the face of UKIP’s “For Him” clothing range that included the dressing gown above.

Guido hopes internal politics are not at play here.

Farage and co are vulnerable without him.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Great Jumper Wearing Politicians of Our Time

Jumper-gate was the worst knitwear-related blunder since President Carter’s beige address to the nation in 1977. Well we have some renowned jumper wearing politicians of our own. Who can forget Gyles Brandreth and Peter Mandelson camping it up:

Of course Michael Foot was the founding father of jumper-based fashion in the Labour Party:

Taking over the mantle in many ways, Red Ed is himself partial to a socialist chic grey sweater, perfect for those windy days standing on soapboxes:

Social and Liberal Democratic grandees Lords Owen and Steel were trendsetters for future generations back in the day:

Nowadays the yellows have Mike Hancock, while Chris Huhne brought a new meaning to the phrase pullover, sir:

Anthony Eden had the blue corner covered. Also a fan of a woolly dog:

You get the impression the yanks have always been way ahead of us though. Michael Dukakis is in a league of his own, while Chris Christie goes as far as having his own branding:

The class of 2013 is well-represented by the likes of Caroline Dinenage, Ken Clarke and Craig Whittaker:

And Matt Hancock. Obviously.

Of course the PM is fully behind them:

We’re all in knit together…

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Wrong Trousers, Gromit!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Cost of Living Crisis Sam Cam

suit

As ever Guido is first with the most important aspect of the PM’s speech. Sam Cam was wearing a dress from Asos, shoes from Topshop and a belt from Fenwick. Guido would wager the belt probably cost more than the rest of it put together. No word on Dave’s suit yet…

Monday, September 30, 2013

Guido’s Fashion Tips: Tory Conference Special

George Osborne’s “footballers that look like lesbians” haircut has gone mainstream. Dan Hodges couldn’t take his eyes off it during his speech:

“None of it mattered. No one was listening to a single word. Because we were all staring at the top of George Osborne’s head. At least I was. Roughly between the crown of his skull and the top of his eyebrows, something was just lying there. The Chancellor was talking about exports to China and all I could think was: “George, you’ve got something sitting on your head”. I was actually on the verge of jumping up and shouting a warning until I realised. The thing sitting on top of his head was his hair.

Not ordinary hair. Entirely new hair. As if someone had reached down, lifted off his old, bog-standard politico’s cut, thrown it in the bin, and stapled something entirely different in its place. This usurper hair was quite hard to describe. Imagine if you woke up and all your hair had mysteriously fallen forward. Think of those pictures you’ve seen of iron filings being attracted towards a magnet. The Chancellor’s hair appeared to have become magnetised.”

Osborne SpAds point out the similarities between their boss’ new hair and that of their new colleague Neil O’Brien.

In the interests of gender balance following this blog’s fashion reports on Miliband last week, Guido brings you Theresa May’s outstanding tartan suit worn during her speech this afternoon:

Och.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Ed’s Tailor “Almost Vomited” Over New Customer

As Guido exclusively revealed yesterday, Ed was wearing a suit by Puff Daddy tailor Spencer Hart. The Savile Row man has now broken his silence, telling GQ that he “almost vomited when I heard a politician was wearing a Spencer Hart suit.” The sticher soon slipped into PR mode though, adding: “I have to grudgingly agree that he does look sharper, slicker, crisper, cooler, fitter than his arch rival in No. 10.” Guido is not sure Dave’s tailor Timothy Everest would agree…

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Puff Mili: Ed in Rapper’s Tailor’s Suit

As ever Guido likes to bring you the conference fashion news. Justine Miliband was wearing a LK Bennett floral print dress and LK Bennett shoes. Her jewellery was an 18th birthday present.

Ed was in a Spencer Hart suit. The Savile Row tailor cuts suits for Puff Daddy/P Diddy and cost the better part of a grand. With a nod to the cost of living crisis his shirt and tie were from M&S. Up the workers.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

And You Thought the Worst of the Cuts Were Over

Since Guido questioned just what was going on with George Osborne’s footballers that look like lesbians’ hair cut last week, coif connoisseurs have been queueing up to pass judgement. Brent Pankhurst of Pankhurst Barbers delivers his cutting verdict to GQ.

“This looks like its been cut by a ladies’ hairdresser to me. It’s far too round on the sides and with that flick-y bit at the back it’s all a little drag queen-ish. It just looks like Anne Diamond’s hair.”

Catwalk hair stylist Matt Mulhall snipes:

“Wispy feathered sides and back on a man of a certain age is a definite no-no. It’s so bizarre.”

The fashion police have spoken…


Seen Elsewhere

Tories Choose Anti-Israel Candidate in Rochester | JC
Osborne’s Daycare Obsession is a Time Bomb | Kathy Gyngell
BBC Marr Pinko Trying to Ban the Queen | Speccie
Eric Hobsbawm: Companion of Dishonour | Standpoint
Guido Party Gossip | Iain Dale
Russell Brand Comes Out as 9/11 Truther | Guardian
Health Revolution is Underway | Fraser Nelson
UKIP Gets Professional | Red Box
Kelly Tolhurst Wins Rochester Open Primary | BBC
No.10 Ambushed by EU Prosperity Tax | Times
10 Years of Guido | Iain Dale


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Rob Colvile reviews Russell Brand’s new book:

“Oddly, the person I feel sorriest for isn’t Brand himself – although he certainly comes across as a rather pitiable figure, projecting his own brokenness on to the world around him – but Johann Hari. Drummed out of Fleet Street for plagiarism, the former Independent columnist has washed up as “my mate Johann, who’s been doing research for this book”. For a genuinely talented polemicist, it would have been a humbling experience to have to treat this sub-undergraduate dross as the scintillating wisdom of a philosopher-king.”



Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!


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