Monday, March 3, 2014

Mrs Osborne on George’s Diet

Both Osborne and Balls are on the celebrity 5:2 diet, though Guido hears not everyone was entirely happy with the chunky Chancellor’s austerity effort to cut his waist size. After a female aide changed Osborne’s hair and now his slimming regime, his wife Frances was overheard exclaiming: “If anyone is going to put my husband on a diet, it’s me.”

Friday, February 21, 2014

Cutting Remarks From the Chancellor

Coif connoisseurs rejoice: the Standard has the scoop. Osborne has given them an exclusive interview revealing all about his ‘Footballers that look like lesbians’ haircut:

“The Chancellor comes across as someone who has survived a miserable low (who could forget his dismay at being booed at the 2012 Olympics?) and emerged psychologically stronger or, perhaps, less afraid to fail. Perhaps that explains his Caesar haircut. “There are more important things, dare I say it, for the country to be talking about,” he cried, looking pained.

But whose idea was it and where was it done? Osborne struggles: “It was just a … I means it’s … it’s been made out to be some great big change, a bigger change than it was.” Does his wife Frances like it? “Oh, she likes it,” he said, the shutters slamming down.”

Who doesn’t…

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Beard Watch: Jeremy Browne

Who’d have thought Jezza would become a weirdy beardy…

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Guido’s Fashion Tips: Alec Shelbrooke’s Tiger Onesie

Guido has returned from lunch to the sight of Tory MP Alec Shelbrooke on the Daily Politics, in a tiger onesie:

He pledges to wear it in the Commons if he can raise £5,000 for a hospice charity. A grrrrrreat cause, donate here

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Dave’s Designer Hairdresser Denies Bald Patch

Client confidentiality is assured with Lino Carbosiero MBE, the PM’s designer hairdresser.

Appearing on Sky News to deny his gong was anything to do with the fact he re-branded Dave’s sidey, the smooth talker claimed there was no bald patch.

Which would  the cameras…

And in his never ending quest for impartiality, Guido put it to Labour:

“Ed doesn’t have one person that cuts his hair. He sometimes goes to the local barbers.”

A man of the people. The mystery remains about Osborne’s radical redesign…

Friday, November 8, 2013

Westminster’s Longest Serving Press Officer Departs

He’s had the hardest jobs in politics for a decade but now UKIP head of press Gawain Towler is heading back to Brussels. He will also stand for election in 2014. Putting out fires since most other spinners were still at school, Towler dealt with fruitcakes, loonies and Nigel Farage on a daily basis for years. Westminster will be darker without his signature red trousers, and farewell to the cravat/bowler hat/tweed look. Towler was of course the face of UKIP’s “For Him” clothing range that included the dressing gown above.

Guido hopes internal politics are not at play here.

Farage and co are vulnerable without him.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Great Jumper Wearing Politicians of Our Time

Jumper-gate was the worst knitwear-related blunder since President Carter’s beige address to the nation in 1977. Well we have some renowned jumper wearing politicians of our own. Who can forget Gyles Brandreth and Peter Mandelson camping it up:

Of course Michael Foot was the founding father of jumper-based fashion in the Labour Party:

Taking over the mantle in many ways, Red Ed is himself partial to a socialist chic grey sweater, perfect for those windy days standing on soapboxes:

Social and Liberal Democratic grandees Lords Owen and Steel were trendsetters for future generations back in the day:

Nowadays the yellows have Mike Hancock, while Chris Huhne brought a new meaning to the phrase pullover, sir:

Anthony Eden had the blue corner covered. Also a fan of a woolly dog:

You get the impression the yanks have always been way ahead of us though. Michael Dukakis is in a league of his own, while Chris Christie goes as far as having his own branding:

The class of 2013 is well-represented by the likes of Caroline Dinenage, Ken Clarke and Craig Whittaker:

And Matt Hancock. Obviously.

Of course the PM is fully behind them:

We’re all in knit together…

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Wrong Trousers, Gromit!

Ed Miliband was at the Pride of Britain awards last night and confessed to wearing white trousers and a dodgy v-neck in the eighties.

That could have gone a lot worse…

Video via ITV

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Cost of Living Crisis Sam Cam

suit

As ever Guido is first with the most important aspect of the PM’s speech. Sam Cam was wearing a dress from Asos, shoes from Topshop and a belt from Fenwick. Guido would wager the belt probably cost more than the rest of it put together. No word on Dave’s suit yet…

Monday, September 30, 2013

Guido’s Fashion Tips: Tory Conference Special

George Osborne’s “footballers that look like lesbians” haircut has gone mainstream. Dan Hodges couldn’t take his eyes off it during his speech:

“None of it mattered. No one was listening to a single word. Because we were all staring at the top of George Osborne’s head. At least I was. Roughly between the crown of his skull and the top of his eyebrows, something was just lying there. The Chancellor was talking about exports to China and all I could think was: “George, you’ve got something sitting on your head”. I was actually on the verge of jumping up and shouting a warning until I realised. The thing sitting on top of his head was his hair.

Not ordinary hair. Entirely new hair. As if someone had reached down, lifted off his old, bog-standard politico’s cut, thrown it in the bin, and stapled something entirely different in its place. This usurper hair was quite hard to describe. Imagine if you woke up and all your hair had mysteriously fallen forward. Think of those pictures you’ve seen of iron filings being attracted towards a magnet. The Chancellor’s hair appeared to have become magnetised.”

Osborne SpAds point out the similarities between their boss’ new hair and that of their new colleague Neil O’Brien.

In the interests of gender balance following this blog’s fashion reports on Miliband last week, Guido brings you Theresa May’s outstanding tartan suit worn during her speech this afternoon:

Och.


Seen Elsewhere

Ex-Sun Hack Cleared After 582 Days on Bail | MediaGuido
11 Times Boris Denied He Would Stand for Parliament | Buzzfeed
Attacking UKIP’s Posters is Counter-Productive | Guardian
Sarkozy Tried it on With Hollande’s Ex | Times
Another Spare Room Subsidy Cut Success | Harry Phibbs
Rich Now Have Less Leisure Than Poor | Economist
UKIP’s Immigration Policy Promotes Migrant Entrepreneurs | Breitbart
Another Feminist Lecture | Laura Perrins
UKIP Posters Bad Economics But Good Politics | James Delingpole
Tories Losing to UKIP in Scotland | ConHome
UKIPers Will Come Home in 2015 | Sun


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A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”



Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.


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