Friday, October 31, 2014

Comply or Die at Grauniad

Font consistency is peace. Standardised email signature is strength. The thought police at the Guardian have sent this diktat ordering staff to comply with their “clear brand guidelines” to be “ever so slightly ‘un-British'”:

From: Steve Hawker 
Date: 30 October 2014 11:19
Subject: Email signature and font consitency
To: ALL

Hello all,

In the first step of getting some brand consistency across the sales teams’ collateral and in order for us to be ever so slightly ‘un-British’ and make some noise about our recent achievements, I would like you all to read the below so we can implement a standardised email signature and also amend your font to the ‘PC standard’ Guardian font – Georgia. This will sit across Media, Jobs and Labs.

A more automated and jpeg based solution is in progress along with clear brand guidelines accompanied by official Guardian Fonts on every machine, but for now it would be good if we can ALL make this first step.

Only the Guardian could email their staff about font consistency and spell it wrong in the subject line…

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Guardian Scrapes Barrel to Bash UKIP

The Guardian is coming in for a lot of criticism – not least from its own staff – for this piece by Jonathan Jones today describing the Tower of London poppies as a “fake… UKIP-style memorial”. It’s the most read article on the Guardian website today, seemingly because of the numbers queuing up to pan it. A quick look at readers’ responses suggest this sort of metropolitan Guardianista sneering is why UKIP are on the rise. It’s their equivalent of MailOnline clickbait, only less classy…

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Guardian Confirms Guido’s Gordon Outside Earnings Story

The Guardian have done a run down of the MPs with the biggest declared outside earnings. There could only be one man at the top of the list. How much of Gordon’s £492,331 income declared in the last Register of Members’ Interests has gone to charity?

See also: EXC: Gordon Brown Office Has £10,000-a-Week “Expenses”Raises Over £3 Million, Gives Less Than £1 Million to Charity

 

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Tax Avoiding Guardian Sets Up Rival to Tax Avoiding Amazon

Are you a bookworm who can’t bring yourself to boost the profits of a nasty offshore tax-avoiding corporation? Alan Rusbridger has a suggestion for you:

Of course the anti-Amazon Guardian bookshop neglects to mention to potential customers that the newspaper’s offices are owned offshore. Nor do they disclose their owner’s use of a Caymans Islands corporation to avoid stamp duty. Nor that for three quarters of a century the Guardian has been shirking taxes. Even worse, the first thing that appears when you click on the website is Russell Brand’s face…

Friday, October 10, 2014

WATCH: Farage-Gasm Descends Into Lynch Mob

Douglas Carswell didn’t fancy answering questions about Farage’s suggestion that immigrants with HIV should be banned from Britain, though not for the want of trying of the Guardian’s Nick Watt. UKIP’s new MP managed to deflect being reminded “Douglas your father was a pioneer! Your father was a pioneer in discovering aids!” by talking about Australian points systems. A party advocating a free NHS for all comers worldwide on the doorstep will lose a lot of votes…

Via @liarpoliticans.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Leaders’ Wives: Guidoian Edition

The bedwetters always complain about Guido’s fashion focused Leaders’ Wives conference coverage, yet the posts are always very popular and widely shared. More often or not they are followed up by the popular press. Today, Guido was particularly amused to see the not so popular Guardian’s Conference Diary by Sir Michael White, with a little help from Imogen Fox the deputy fashion editor, joining in on this important angle:

“Wilfully simple and unambiguously blue. The sartorial advisers for the leader’s speech had clearly opened the Farrow & Ball blue paint chart and locked the parameters at parma gray and drawing-room blue. How happy must they have been that the steel pillars at Birmingham’s the ICC fitted into the scheme. All the better to choreograph the image of David walking in his anonymous dark navy suit and matching tie (pitch blue, possibly?) holding hands with Samantha in her parma gray Hobbs sleeveless dress.”

Enough of the moaning. The readers want it…

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Labour Supporting Columnists Have Their Say on Ed’s Speech

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Media Bitch Fight of the Week: Rayner Batters Monbiot

The Guardian’s George Monbiot has finally met his nemo-sis. Eel be sorry for carping on at Observer food writer Jay Rayner, who took the oppor-tuna-ty to put Moon-bait in his plaice over his roe-ful dictat on fish (sic). As soon as Guido spotted them going at it like a couple of old fishwives, he was hooked by the sheer scale of the fight. His jokes wearing fin, Monbiot was soon left floundering. Cod not have happened to a nicer guy. 

Some may say the sole reason Guido did this post was for the puns, but bass-ically he did it just for the hallibut…

Via @lawrencedonegan

Friday, September 12, 2014

Hugh Muir No More

Hugh Muir’s Guardian diary has been discontinued after seven years:

“It’s been a glorious responsibility, but it’s time to shoulder another. Our diary will also take a rest. In its place from next week, the world seen through different eyes in a new column.”

It is a little known fact that perennial Boris basher Muir was in the pay of Ken Livingstone back when he was Mayor. Guido however prefers to reflect on his more amusing scoops, such as Nick Boles “creating photoshopped pictures of Labour politicians”, “when ministerial duties allow”, which came much to the surprise of the well-known parody @GeneralBoles. Bring back Marina Hyde…

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Huhne’s Guardian Column Shelved

Chris Huhne’s Guardian column is no more. Guido will remember it for such fine polemical contributions to the political discourse as when he accused the Sun of making up fictional stories, how “tabloid-fuelled schadenfreude” drives the nation’s prison obsession, and his analysis of the Prime Minister’s “sincerity“. Then there was Huhne’s article accusing the Tories of “psychosis“, and the time he tried to convince us “I’ve played my own part in giving MPs a bad name, but ultimately it’s Rupert Murdoch’s media machine that corrodes public trust best of the lot”. Best of all, who can forget the greatest Huhne column quote of all: “whatever happened to loyalty? Best of luck with whatever you decide to do next…


Seen Elsewhere

Comply or Die at Grauniad | MediaGuido
Labour Beats UKIP in South Yorkshire | LabourList
Mock the Week’s Weak Comedy | Nigel Farage
Can Jim Murphy Save Scottish Labour? | Guardian
There is Still Appetite for the Westminster Lunch | Jon Craig
Labour Turn Their Backs on Jewish Community | Dan Hodges
Chivalry is Not Dead | Laura Perrins
Jonathan Jones is a Tw*t | Iain Dale
Second Scotland Poll Suggests Labour Wipeout | Times
Paedo Probe Boss Urged to Quit | Sun
Keynesian Tories Won’t Eliminate Deficit | Tim Montgomerie


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