Friday, October 5, 2012

Cold-Blooded Ed Knifed McBride

Another cracker of a blog from Damian McBride today. We learn of Jonathan Freedland’s (disputed) role in the 2007 snap election decision, Andy Coulson’s dark arts spanners and how Brown’s inner circle thought he was about to have a breakdown – “Think his post-Mrs Duffy interview with Richard Bacon times 1,000″.

One of the most interesting stories recounted by McBride is his conversation with Ed Miliband after he had been accused of briefing against the future Labour leader:

“When he called me that Sunday, I told him what a joke it was that I was being accused of briefing against him and others. “But where’s it all coming from, Damian?” he said. “They’ve got all these details of the meetings we had; that must have come from you.” “Of course that stuff’s from me”, I said, “that’s just the colour – that’s harmless, but they’re accusing me of doing the lines blaming you and Douglas and Spencer for the whole thing.” “Well where’s all that coming from, Damian?”

His voice and tone reminded me eerily of Hal the computer in the film 2001. “I don’t know, but it’s not from me – I’d never brief against you.” “I don’t believe you, Damian” he said, “I think you’re lying.” It felt like an ice cold razor had been dragged down my spine. “Ed, for God’s sake, don’t say that. I’d never brief against you.” “That’s the trouble, Damian, I don’t believe that’s true. I think you’re lying.” “Stop saying that, Ed. You can’t accuse me of lying. I’m not going to have that.” “I can’t help it, Damian, I think you’re a liar.” “If you keep saying that, you know we’re finished, I’m not having that.” “I don’t care, Damian, I think we are finished.””

Watson and Balls should take note.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Gordon’s Reality Check

If the Prime Mentalist didn’t already know just how much everyone misses him, he will now. Gordon was supposed to speak at a press conference at the UN in New York last night but had to cancel after just one journalist turned up. McMental had hoped to enthrall a room of hacks with a speech about his latest schools initiative but was left red-faced when he was confronted with an empty room. It’s almost tragic. Almost…

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

He’s Still Jonah Brown

As we predicted beforehand, the Jonah effect wiped over 100 points off the value of the Dow and saw the NASDAQ experience its worst day since June. If you watch the video closely you’ll see that he even screwed up “ringing the bell” to open Wall Street.

He’s still the accursed one-eyed son of the manse…

Monday, August 20, 2012

Gordon Brown’s Mobile Phone Throwing World Record Broken

Ever since he was revealed to have furiously hurled three Nokias at a Downing Street wall Gordon Brown has been the unofficial mobile phone throwing world champion. Until now…

The Prime Mentalist has cruelly had his top Team GB achievement taken away from him after Finland set a new world record for throwing a mobile. 18-year-old Ere Karjalainen launched his phone an impressive 101.46 metres, smashing Gordon’s previous personal best of the width of a room in Number 10. Guido is sure Brown would never let anyone take his gold away from him…

Friday, August 17, 2012

Team GB Needed 63 Million Medals to Recover Gordon’s Gold

Team GB might have done the nation proud during the Olympics, but they needed to win a lot more medals if they wanted to earn back all the gold the Prime Mentalist sold off. Guido has done the maths:

Each gold medal contains 6g (or 1/5 oz) of gold.

This means five gold medals are needed to make one ounce.

Gordon Brown sold off 12.7 million ounces of gold.

5 x 12.7 million = 63.5 million gold medals.

At least the new Team GB did better than the old one…

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Chuka’s Mandy Mistake

Chuka Umunna has been upping the pressure on Dave over Sunday trading laws, accusing ministers of misleading Parliament and writing to the holidaying PM to demand clarification. Last night he snorted:

Clearly Chuka has forgotten all about Labour’s attempts to deregulate Sunday trading restrictions, when old boss Gordon Brown tried to force the then Trade and Industry secretary Alan Johnson into adopting the policy. The FT reported at the time:

“Tony Blair and Gordon Brown are tacitly supporting deregulation of Sunday shopping to allow 24-hour trading for large shops, according to a leading industry lobbyist. The lobbyist insisted there were differences between Mr Brown and Mr Johnson. “Gordon Brown wanted to include deregulation in the Budget, but Alan Johnson put the brakes on,” he said.”

And they weren’t even in Coalition…

Chancellor of Fire

The Prime Mentalist has caused a stir north of the border by recreating the famous opening scene from Chariots of Fire. Still dressed in a suit, Brown sprinted across a Scottish beach with former first minister Henry McLeish. A stunned eyewitness reported:

They were suited and booted and I wondered if it was a photo call. But there were no cameras in sight. They carried on to the front of the beach and it looked as if they were making a line in the sand. Brown ran about 50 metres and then stopped. The others stopped for a second but then carried on and ran for another 300 metres.”

Knowing Gordon, they probably should have let him win…

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Gordon Does His Bit For Team GB

There was some great news for Team GB this morning.

Perhaps this will be a turning point for the Olympics…

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Gordon Brown In Shock Sedition Trial

Guido got his hopes up when he saw that Gordon Brown would be appearing in the dock in a Kuala Lumpur court, but sadly the Prime Mentalist will only be a witness rather than a suspect. According to Malaysian newspaper The Sun Daily, Gordon has been summoned by the defence in a bizarre sedition trial halfway across the planet. At least that gives him another chance to rack up some more air miles…

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

LIBORgate: Diamond v Tucker at Treasury Select Committee

After resigning as CEO of Barclays this morning, Bob Diamond may yet exact some revenge on the government when he testifies tomorrow in front of the Treasury Select Committee.

There are two LIBOR fixing scandals – the first involves traders massaging the settling of LIBOR rates a few basis points, mere hundreths of a percent, off market reality to flatter their trading books. It appears to have been going on for years and not just at Barclays. This was not so petty corruption.

The second LIBOR fixing scandal is of a different order altogether – it involves the wholesale systematic substantial misrepresentation of true LIBOR, with the encouragement of the Treasury, the FSA and in particular the Bank of England. The policy was to under-report LIBOR rates at much lower levels than were actually trading in the market. This deliberate policy was to cover-up the increased risks to the UK banking system revealed by higher LIBOR rates.

It is emerging that Gordon Brown’s economic adviser in Downing Street, Shriti Vadera, an ex-UBS investment banker, circulated a paper on “Reducing Libor” at the height of the banking crisis, which she argued would be “a major contribution to the stability of the banking system and to the health of the economy”.

That message will have gone out to the Treasury in Whitehall, the regulators and the Bank of England. They in turn will have given a nod and a wink to the investment banks. Bob Diamond is reportedly furious that the “lowballing” of LIBOR rates by Barclays – which was explicitly encouraged by the authorities  to stabilise already panicked markets – is being used against Barclays. Bob Diamond is expected to testify tomorrow that the Bank of England’s deputy governor Paul Tucker encouraged the “lowballing”.

The politicisation and manipulation of interest rates is ongoing even after Gordon Brown and Shriti Vadera are long gone. The £275 billion Quantitative Easing (QE) programme implemented by Mervyn King with George Osborne’s blessing is designed to artificially lower interest rates. We currently have a false market in Gilts, it is arguably the biggest bubble since the South Sea Bubble. It is cheating pensioners and savers of income on an unprecedented scale. This is a robbery organised from within the Bank of England …


Seen Elsewhere

What Will Happen if Scots Leave? | David Aaronovitch
Why Are Radicals Like Carswell Leaving Tories? | BBC
Danczuk: Rotherham Abuse Imported From Pakistan | Telegraph
Ashya King Case Shows How Authorities Get it Wrong | ConHome
The Carswell Show | Jon Craig
Cops Seized Journalist’s Phone to Out Whistleblower | Press Gazette
Chuka’s £2,500 Tax Avoidance Donation | Times
Another BBC Stitch Up? | David Keighley
Divided, Pessimistic Tories Expect Defeat | Alex Wickham
Labour Suspends Rotherham Council Members | Sky
PM Used Terror Crisis to Deflect From Carswell | Rachel Sylvester


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George Osborne rejects the Ice Bucket Challenge from Ed Balls:

“I’d rather pay the money to charity and pour cold water on his policies.”



Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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