The Gospel According to Miliband

And lo, the Lord thy God spoke unto Miliband the Younger, and said: thou must control immigration.

Today’s Observer is not a spoof. It seems Ed has been hanging out with Russell Brand a little too long. Labour really have “commissioned a giant stone inscription bearing Labour’s six election pledges that is set to be installed in the Downing Street Rose Garden if he becomes prime minister.”

Apparently:

“The 8ft 6in-high limestone structure is intended to underline his commitment to keep his promises by having them literally “carved in stone” and visible from the offices inside No 10.”

They might as well write it on the barn wall…

Dear C of E, If God Didn’t Want Us to Burn Coal, He Wouldn’t Have Put So Much of it in the Ground

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The Church of England is jumping on the divestment bandwagon by announcing they will slash investments in fossil fuel companies. By leveraging their £9 billion pension pot investments, the Church hopes they can protect the the world’s poor from global warming.

According to Bishop Nick Holtam, the ‘lead bishop on the environment,’ “Climate change is the most pressing moral issue in our world.”

The most pressing? How about the 4 MILLION deaths from smoke inhalation by people who don’t have access to the coal generated electricity the Bishops are heating their palaces with?

“Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more.” Luke 12:48b

#Pray4UKIP: UKIP Does God

Do not fear after reading that ICM poll, Ukippers, for Nigel Farage has God on his side:

Or to be specific, he has the blessing of the Royal Disciple church in Pakistan, who have proclaimed “our prayers is with you to all members of UKIP [sic]” in a poster stuck up behind their cross:

Pastor Francis Bashir explains that his congregation “likes UKIP and are praying for your family, your country and your party”. Apparently he “wants them to win because the party stands up for Christian culture and values and people from the Commonwealth”.

The Lahore churchgoers add, quoth Jeremiah 1:10, “I give you authority over nations and kingdoms to uproot and to pull down, to destroy and to overthrow”. Or, you know, just win South Thanet…

GOD Delusion: Pampered Panjandrum Strikes Back

There’s a punchy interview with the departed head of the civil service Gus O’Donnell on the front page of the Indy. The former Cabinet Office bigwig has settled a few old scores with ‘out of touch’ ministers:

“There are still a few out there [who say:] ‘We send our kids to public schools, we have private health care, we travel by car or chauffeur, we don’t go on public transport… There are unfortunately too many people in politics who just don’t get it; who just don’t understand what life on benefits would be like… we need to really care about public services”.

While Guido likes GOD’s idea for primaries, it would be remiss for him not to point out that Gus sent his own daughter Kirsty to Alleyn’s, the private school in Dulwich. He also enjoyed the spoils of the Government Car Pool chauffeur service when in office, and was on a higher salary (and pension) than the PM. Just sayin’… 

The Labour Party at Prayer

Ed Thornton is the Senior Press Officer to the Archbishop of Canterbury. And guess what? He’s Labour.

Before he stepped up to his important role spinning for God, Thornton worked at the Fabians.

The Church of England: the Labour Party at prayer.

Exposed: Another Red Spinning for God

Richard Chapman is currently Justin Welby’s Secretary for Parliamentary Affairs

Another Labour plant.

Top Justin Welby Aide is Labour Sleeper Agent

The turbulent priest Justin ‘Oil’ Welby is being supported in his jihad against Cameron by a Miliband plant. As a member of the House of Lords, disgracefully, Welby is afforded a parliamentary aide and despite the bossy Bishop’s insistence that the church is politically neutral, Jack Palmer is a Labour Party member. Disturbingly, Palmer claims to have only joined the party to “vote for Ed Miliband to be the next leader”. 

This outspoken spokesman considers “Tory rule” a “grim prospect” and says Michael Gove “is a truly terrifying human being”. When this pound shop Thomas Cromwell is not campaigning on the doorstep, he’s tweeting away urging people to ‘support #Labour’. To the Tower! 

Cristina Odone Hits Back at “Ignorant” Hunt

Tristram Hunt is under heavy fire this morning over his inflammatory comments sneering at nuns on Question Time. Cristina Odone, to whom the Shadow Education Secretary scoffed “I know about your religious schooling”, hits back:

“Tristram Hunt’s comments on nuns last night were arrogant and ignorant. Why is it acceptable to denigrate anything Catholic but bleat tolerance about every other religion? To know he and Labour stand a chance at the next election makes me fear for the 7000 brilliant faith schools in this country.”

Guido has asked the Labour Party press office for a comment, but so far they have given nun…

Papa: Cussa My Mama and I’ll Smack-a You Uppa!

His Holiness has come out against Charlie Hebdo, saying he doesn’t believe in freedom of expression. AP reports:

“By way of example, he referred to Alberto Gasparri, who organizes papal trips and was standing by his side aboard

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Proper Christmas Card From Godly Dr Fox

That’s more like it.

The former Defence Secretary has even done a video to accompany his card, explaining why he won’t apologise for loving Jesus:

Take that ISIS![…]

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Ian Paisley RIP

Rev Ian Paisley has surrendered this mortal coil.

Guido fears when St Peter introduces him to St John Paul II he is going to be very disappointed…

UPDATE:

[…]

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The Lord Works in Mysterious Ways

For the first time ever, Chris Patten has acknowledged that there is an earthly being higher even than him. Fat Pang has taken a job as a spinner for the Pope, where among other things he will advise His Holiness […]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Mary Creagh’s coded attack on Ed Miliband…

‘I want the country to be united behind a single vision, we aren’t going to do it by sort of having a Rubik’s Cube approach to politics’. 

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