Hold the front page: Osborne has finally spoken on the main conversation topic at Tory conference, his new hair.
“I have turned it around, like the recession.”
Surely an understatement. His hair’s growth is in a different league…
Osborne used his conference speech to go on the attack against Miliband. Comparing him to Karl Marx was always going to be a crowd-pleaser:
“I share none of the pessimism I saw from the Leader of the Opposition last week.
For him the global free market equates to a race to the bottom with the gains being shared among a smaller and smaller group of people.
That is essentially the argument Karl Marx made in Das Kapital.
It is what socialists have always believed. But the irony is this: It is socialism that always brings it about.”
Before delivering a line that was actually quite funny:
“If you want to know the consequences of an Ed Miliband premiership, just look at the plan of the man who knows him best.
His brother. David Miliband. One: leave Parliament. Two: leave politics. Three: leave the country. Four: dedicate your life to International Rescue.
David and Ed Miliband. The greatest sibling rivalry since the Bible. Cain and not very Abel.”
Probably best to forget his “you’re hired” thank you to the Apprentice’s Karen Brady. Fire the speechwriter for that one…
Since Guido questioned just what was going on with George Osborne’s ‘footballers that look like lesbians’ hair cut last week, coif connoisseurs have been queueing up to pass judgement. Brent Pankhurst of Pankhurst Barbers delivers his cutting verdict to GQ.
“This looks like its been cut by a ladies’ hairdresser to me. It’s far too round on the sides and with that flick-y bit at the back it’s all a little drag queen-ish. It just looks like Anne Diamond’s hair.”
Catwalk hair stylist Matt Mulhall snipes:
“Wispy feathered sides and back on a man of a certain age is a definite no-no. It’s so bizarre.”
The fashion police have spoken…
Guido has noticed a distinct change in George Osborne’s hairstyle over the last few days. Gone is his old, fluffy, classic posh look with the hair pushed back revealing the early stages of a recession. In its place is a boyish pudding bowl cut, pushed forwards, taking years off him:
The new coif was displayed in all its glory during the speech on the economy this morning:
Guido is reminded of the infamous Sunday Sport feature “Footballers who look like lesbians“…
Guido hears Treasury SpAd Eleanor Wolfson, better half of former Osborne adviser and Tory donor Lord Wolfson, is off on maternity leave. Jennifer Donnellan is being drafted in as cover. Walking the well-trodden path from the Conservative Research Department to Special Adviser…
As widely predicted, GDP increased by 0.6% in the second quarter. Good news all round as all four main industrial groupings within the economy (agriculture, production, construction and services) increased in Q2 compared with Q1. Services were up by 0.6%, production by 0.6%, manufacturing by 0.4% and construction by 0.9%. That’s almost healthy…
With temperatures hitting the thirties, the Aussies capitulating at Lords and borrowing down last year, it’s smiles all round this summer. Unemployment fell again this month and, crucially, Public Sector Net Cash Requirement is down at 3.1 from last month’s high. Which all gives us a summer Misery Index of just 12.03. Pimms o’clock…
Guido knew that the structure of marginal tax rates following a decade of Brown’s insidiously stealthy taxation and redistribution was malformed. How malformed was only driven home after reading a note from the Centre for Policy Studies. It is obscene how this government has punitively taxed the middle classes…
The CPS use a simple not atypical example of a married man with two children, who has no savings or investment income, and no student loans. Factoring in allowances and changes to child benefit, his marginal rates will be as above. A middle-class single income family with 2 children and the father earning £50,001 will have a marginal tax rate of 59.5%. You don’t have to be a fully paid-up member of the Taxpayers’ Alliance to think that is far too much.
Next year will be the thirtieth anniversary of Nigel Lawson’s 1984 Tax Reforms. George Osborne says he is Lawsonian, if the Chancellor wants a legacy and the gratitude of the electorate, simpler, flatter, fairer taxes would be the right thing to do. It might win back the middle classes at the ballot box as well…
Ed better think again about that pasty-gate style trip to McDonalds, he’s no stranger to a posh burger himself. Presumably more of an emmental cheese and Diet Coke man.
Meanwhile Clegg has gone out to bat for the Chancellor on LBC, confessing he also eats at Byron and is partial to their Oreo milkshake:
Grant ‘McLovin it’ Shapps? Well he’s just a man of the people:
Great burgers of our time…
Ed Vaizey makes his own (H/T @asabenn):
Whereas Dave and Barry prefer wieners:
Size isn’t everything for Boris:
Vince Cable went to Maccy D’s but stuck to the coffee. He doesn’t look like he was McLovin it.
William Hague and Kevin Rudd prefer long ones:
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The Prime Minister feels the pressure:
“I have to say that after the events I have been facing over the last few days, assassination would be a welcome release.”