Monday, October 21, 2013

Gold: Sensitive George Dancing and Brawling to Spandeu Ballet

According to Natalie Rowe’s memoirs, George Osborne used to be quite the dancer:

“The three musketeers were proper little ravers and loved to go clubbing. When George got tipsy, he lost his reserve and wanted to dance (I have a photo of him dancing at a party at my flat). He was a terrible dancer but wasn’t alone. I used to cringe when we went clubbing with the three musketeers and their friends. I couldn’t bring myself to share the dancefloor with them – just imagine tipsy public schoolboys at a disco doing robot impressions. The higher they got, the better they thought they were. George loved We Could Be Heroes by David Bowie and the three musketeers would sing it together top of their voices on the dance floor. George also adored Gold by Spandau Ballet. George didn’t have much of dress sense, neither did he make an effort to dress up – he just wore jeans and T-shirt.”

Yet he was sensitive:

“Although George never once said anything like: “I really hate what they’re saying,” at the time (I suppose he thought he’d be better off saving his energy – there was no chance of him making them stop), he was the most upset of the three and this made me feel close to him. Perhaps George was more upset because some of his acquaintances were racist towards Jews (George, who is Jewish, was christened Gideon and changed his name when he was a teenager to ‘fit in’). They’d say, “Shut up you f**king Jew,” to describe anyone they thought was being stingy. When we were alone George told me he couldn’t understand why I was with William; he said we just weren’t compatible.”

A fighter, not a quitter:

“I went and sat with George on the sofa. George couldn’t hold his own in conversation with his peers, which is why we ended up talking a lot together – we would share the fact that we didn’t have a clue, nor were we interested in what the others were going on about – arts, politics and the social shenanigans of the landed gentry. We were passing comment on somebody at the party when I leant over to whisper something to him and playfully licked his ear. William appeared. He’d seen what was going on and was pissed off. “What are you guys talking about?” he asked angrily. “Calm down William,” George said. “You’re letting your paranoia get the better of you.” The argument escalated quickly. When George tried to stand up William pushed him back down into the sofa. George then made a grab for William and they started tussling with one another. As I leapt out of the way the sofa tipped over and they rolled out onto the floor, still fighting – although it was the hugging-and-rolling type rather than the punching-and-kicking kind of fight. I thought it was hilarious. “Come on, stop it, this is ridiculous!” By the time they’d calmed down and made up, nobody had thrown a punch.”

More to come…

Osborne: the Naked “Son of a Curtain Salesman”

The Chancellor is only commenting through his lawyers – who dismiss Natalie Rowe as a dodgy witness – but the former hooker from that photo has her book out today. Guido will bring you some key extracts today, suitable for a family blog.

Their first meeting:

“Chris met George Osborne while at Oxford; they were both members of the infamous Bullingdon Club. By the time I started seeing William, the three of them were close friends and often turned up at my place together. I called them my ‘Three Musketeers’. Individually, William was ‘Willie Wonka’, George was ‘Georgie Porgie’ and Chris was ‘Christopher Robin’. George first arrived at my place with Chris, along with his friend Philip Delves Broughton, a writer for the New York Times. George was an attractive 22-year-old and it was immediately clear that girls considered him to be highly eligible – they were always vying for his attention. I thought he was quite good-looking but much preferred William. At this time George didn’t show any signs of the defiant character he went on to display as Chancellor of the Exchequer. Chris and William teased him about his background, that he was the “son of a curtain salesman” (his father is the co-founder of Osborne & Little, the fabric and wallpaper designers) and because he didn’t go to Eton. George took it without complaint; he had this ‘look’ he would give me that said ‘How pathetic are they?’”

Osborne gets naked:

“On one particularly drunken evening at my flat in Prince of Wales Terrace, I made a bet with George, Chris and William that they would strip off naked, run out the door, down the street to a building that was fifty metres away and back again. The first one back would get a ‘prize’. Eventually, after a bit of cajoling, the three of them agreed, stripped off and waited by the front door. “Ready?” I said, my hand on the door handle. “Set… Go!” I threw open the door and off they ran down the front steps, bottoms wobbling as they pounded down the street. And, of course, I locked the door and went back inside. I watched as they came running back, cheering them on. They all arrived more or less at the same time and couldn’t believe what I’d done to them. “Please let me back in!” the future Chancellor of the Exchequer pleaded. They all begged, hands over their willies, and I just watched, laughing. I laughed so much that I collapsed and thought I might even wee myself. Luckily for them, my building was in a quiet cul-de-sac. I gave them a good few minutes, which must have seemed like hours, god knows what any passer-by would have made of three naked men standing in the street. Finally, when I’d decided they’d had enough, I let them back in. They loved it and were all laughing afterwards – they’d enjoyed the joke.”

Rowe is very clear that the character of “Joe”, a young politician with the safe word “Mary” is not Osborne.

Though regular readers will remember the word “Louise” from a while back…

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Osborne Speaks

Hold the front page: Osborne has finally spoken on the main conversation topic at Tory conference, his new hair.

“I have turned it around, like the recession.”

Surely an understatement. His hair’s growth is in a different league…

Via @christopherhope

Monday, September 30, 2013

Red Ed Attacks Hit the Spot

20130930-125735.jpg

Osborne used his conference speech to go on the attack against Miliband. Comparing him to Karl Marx was always going to be a crowd-pleaser:

“I share none of the pessimism I saw from the Leader of the Opposition last week.

For him the global free market equates to a race to the bottom with the gains being shared among a smaller and smaller group of people.

That is essentially the argument Karl Marx made in Das Kapital.

It is what socialists have always believed. But the irony is this: It is socialism that always brings it about.”

Before delivering a line that was actually quite funny:

“If you want to know the consequences of an Ed Miliband premiership, just look at the plan of the man who knows him best.

His brother. David Miliband. One: leave Parliament. Two: leave politics. Three: leave the country. Four: dedicate your life to International Rescue.

David and Ed Miliband. The greatest sibling rivalry since the Bible. Cain and not very Abel.”

Probably best to forget his “you’re hired” thank you to the Apprentice’s Karen Brady. Fire the speechwriter for that one…

Thursday, September 19, 2013

And You Thought the Worst of the Cuts Were Over

Since Guido questioned just what was going on with George Osborne’s footballers that look like lesbians’ hair cut last week, coif connoisseurs have been queueing up to pass judgement. Brent Pankhurst of Pankhurst Barbers delivers his cutting verdict to GQ.

“This looks like its been cut by a ladies’ hairdresser to me. It’s far too round on the sides and with that flick-y bit at the back it’s all a little drag queen-ish. It just looks like Anne Diamond’s hair.”

Catwalk hair stylist Matt Mulhall snipes:

“Wispy feathered sides and back on a man of a certain age is a definite no-no. It’s so bizarre.”

The fashion police have spoken…

Monday, September 9, 2013

What Is Going on With George Osborne’s Hair?

Guido has noticed a distinct change in George Osborne’s hairstyle over the last few days. Gone is his old, fluffy, classic posh look with the hair pushed back revealing the early stages of a recession. In its place is a boyish pudding bowl cut, pushed forwards, taking years off him:

The new coif was displayed in all its glory during the speech on the economy this morning:

Guido is reminded of the infamous Sunday Sport feature “Footballers who look like lesbians“…

Friday, July 26, 2013

SpAd Movements: Osborne Aide on Maternity Leave

Guido hears Treasury SpAd Eleanor Wolfson, better half of former Osborne adviser and Tory donor Lord Wolfson, is off on maternity leave. Jennifer Donnellan is being drafted in as cover. Walking the well-trodden path from the Conservative Research Department to Special Adviser…

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Q2 GDP Up 0.6%

As widely predicted, GDP increased by 0.6% in the second quarter. Good news all round as all four main industrial groupings within the economy (agriculture, production, construction and services) increased in Q2 compared with Q1. Services were up by 0.6%, production by 0.6%, manufacturing by 0.4% and construction by 0.9%. That’s almost healthy…

Friday, July 19, 2013

Misery Index: Summer Sunshine

With temperatures hitting the thirties, the Aussies capitulating at Lords and borrowing down last year, it’s smiles all round this summer. Unemployment fell again this month and, crucially, Public Sector Net Cash Requirement is down at 3.1 from last month’s high. Which all gives us a summer Misery Index of just 12.03. Pimms o’clock…

N.B. stats bods can check Guido’s adding up here.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Does this Government Care About Middle Class Families?

Guido knew that the structure of marginal tax rates following a decade of Brown’s insidiously stealthy taxation and redistribution was malformed. How malformed was only driven home after reading a note from the Centre for Policy Studies. It is obscene how this government has punitively taxed the middle classes…

marginal-tax-rates

The CPS use a simple not atypical example of a married man with two children, who has no savings or investment income, and no student loans. Factoring in allowances and changes to child benefit, his marginal rates will be as above. A middle-class single income family with 2 children and the father earning £50,001 will have a marginal tax rate of 59.5%. You don’t have to be a fully paid-up member of the Taxpayers’ Alliance to think that is far too much.

Next year will be the thirtieth anniversary of Nigel Lawson’s 1984 Tax Reforms. George Osborne says he is Lawsonian, if the Chancellor wants a legacy and the gratitude of the electorate, simpler, flatter, fairer taxes would be the right thing to do. It might win back the middle classes at the ballot box as well…


Seen Elsewhere

Comply or Die at Grauniad | MediaGuido
Labour Beats UKIP in South Yorkshire | LabourList
Mock the Week’s Weak Comedy | Nigel Farage
Can Jim Murphy Save Scottish Labour? | Guardian
There is Still Appetite for the Westminster Lunch | Jon Craig
Labour Turn Their Backs on Jewish Community | Dan Hodges
Chivalry is Not Dead | Laura Perrins
Jonathan Jones is a Tw*t | Iain Dale
Second Scotland Poll Suggests Labour Wipeout | Times
Paedo Probe Boss Urged to Quit | Sun
Keynesian Tories Won’t Eliminate Deficit | Tim Montgomerie


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