Tuesday, December 9, 2014

MPs Warned to Disguise PM’s Number Over Security Concerns

Tired and emotional MPs stumbling into cabs late at night have been warned to change the Prime Minister’s name in their phone contacts to something inconspicuous, amid fears his mobile number could fall into the wrong hands. Many MPs – and researchers too – sync their mobile phone contacts to their Outlook email accounts, meaning the personal phone numbers of Cabinet members all the way up to Cameron are automatically in their phonebooks. Gavin Williamson, the PM’s PPS, has advised MPs not to have his number saved as “David Cameron”, replacing it with something less identifiable. As a Guido reader discovered over the weekend, this is probably a wise move:

GCHQ would need a full team working round the clock to keep safe the mobile phones of pissed up MPs…

Friday, October 24, 2014

WATCH: GCHQ Staff Form Giant Human Poppy

Or did they?

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Clouded Oversight

GCHQ-ALWAYS-LISTENING-TO-OUR-CUSTOMERS

The Intelligence and Security Committee is finally investigating what GCHQ has been up to and will report in due course that everything is fine. It always does.

GCHQ’s operations are technically complex, and during this week’s session with the Shadow Home Secretary one committee member displayed the sort of technical prowess that we’ve come to expect from the political guardians of our liberties from over zealous spooks. On distinguishing between “internal” and “external” interception under the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000, Lord Lothian (Michael Ancram), highlighted exactly the sort of insight you would expect from someone tasked with oversight of GCHQ, whose projects include the subtly named “Mastering the Internet” programme – the £1 billion digital mass surveillance programme that would have made Big Brother’s eyes pop with jealousy. Ancram has been thinking:

“I thought, until about three months ago, that I understood this, until suddenly I start reading about cloud and wondering whether anything sent to cloud, whether its from here or anywhere else, is actually external because cloud is based somewhere in California.”

How will GCHQ pull the wool over his eyes?

Thursday, February 27, 2014

GCHQ is Watching You Watching Porn

The Guardian’s latest GCHQ leak reveals that our intelligence services have stockpiled a massive collection of people enjoying themselves on the internet. GCHQ’s ‘Optic Nerve’ surveillance programme intercepted webcam images of millions of users, a large number of which were at intimate moments.

It would seem that GCHQ has amassed a huge collection of cum face pics. Civil liberties campaign group Big Brother Watch has it about right:

“Secretly intercepting and taking photographs from millions of people’s webcam chats is as creepy as it gets. We have CCTV on our streets and now we have GCHQ in our homes.

It is right that the security services can target people and tap their communications but they should not be doing it to millions of people. This is an indiscriminate and intimate intrusion on people’s privacy.”

Don’t forget though, some of those masturbators may be terrorists…

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Secret GCHQ Plan to Annoy Guido

Guido has often wondered who the window lickers in the comments on this site are, and now he knows. GCHQ have put together plan to infiltrate social media and blogs. As the slideshow below shows, sophisticated plans have been drawn up for online disruption. Tactics include online honey-trapping, leaking, impersonation  and manipulation.

Presumably this is targeted at fomenting revolution overseas rather than at home. Or possibly it is disinformation. Let the witch-hunt begin…


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