IoD Sniff at Ed’s Big Speech

Unsurprisingly business leaders weren’t impressed with Ed’s speech either. Institute of Directors boss Simon Walker has his say:

“The state has a very poor history of creating competition in banking. The last time the Government told a bank what to do, Lloyds was ordered to sell branches to Rev. Flowers, and we all know how that ended.”


Ignore the Spin: 56 Pubs Shut Per Week Under Labour

Labour MP Toby Perkins may well be simple, but that does not excuse his attempts to re-write history. The “Shadow Pubs Minister” has sent out a ham-fisted attack about the “great pub scandal”:

“Labour is forcing a Parliamentary debate on backing local pubs, pressing the Government to act as research shows 26 pubs are closing every week. Too many pubs across Britain are closing their doors and we urgently need action but ministers are dragging their feet. Pubs are vital hubs in communities up and down the country.”

Perkins, a renowned wally, has accused BIS of “dithering”. But lets just rewind a little…

The real “great pub scandal” was that Labour did more to hamstring the pub industry than any other government. At one point under Gordon, according to the BBC, 56 pubs were shutting a week. Then there were the former Chancellor’s crippling 60% rise in booze taxes, as well as the smoking ban destroying thousands of businesses. The ballooning in pub companies was a direct consequence of Brown’s tax relief for breweries introduced in 2002. Labour have some cheek in blaming Vince Cable for a problem they created. By all means highlight the concerns, but Perkins seems to have spent a little too long in the pub.

Sugar is Not ‘the New Tobacco’

The We Can’t Go On Like This Brigade are out in force this morning  and today’s target is sugar. Those of us who predicted that once nanny had got bored of booze and fags, she would come for our sweeties don’t look so stupid now. “Children’s alcohol” cry the Guardian, the “new tobacco” say the Mail.

Given that there are records of Henry III eating sugar in Britian in 1264 and tobacco was not imported until 1586, that headline needs some work…

WATCH: Highgella: The Movie

Chris Blackhurst's Kama Sutra

Indy staff have been left baffled this afternoon by an email inviting them to help themselves to “a crate of unclaimed stuff in front of Chris Blackhurst’s desk including some high heels, a copy of the Kama Sutra, an assortment of dog shampoo and a speed camera (hand-held).”

Sounds like one hell of a kinky night…


Cristal Meth Scandal

Nigel Evans was looking on the bright side when Guido bumped into him last week.

“Whenever I get down, I just think it could be worse. I could be Reverend Flowers.”

Although, unlike the party-loving former boss of the Co-op Bank, Evans told Guido: “I’ve never smoked crystal meth, mind. I have drunk Cristal, though”.

Saatchi Claims Nigella Was "Off Her Head" on Coke

It’s been an open secret that Charles Saatchi has been trying to put around the Nigella coke angle, but her lawyers have been stopping anyone from printing it. Now it’s been said in court:

Saatchi’s friends tell people that is why he was looking up her nose that day…

Image reconstruction.


This explains so much:

GALLERY GUIDO: Smear Executive Decided to Smear Labour

We’re making up a Labour smear story.

We’re going for their most cherished example of mutual, collective endeavour. The Co-op. Ethical, modest, decent. Let’s make it go bust through filthy capitalist greed. And let’s get it taken over by US vulture funds who have the power to call in Labour’s loans, but don’t because they act more ethically than the previous management.

But you want more.

Okay, let’s have the outgoing chairman of the ethical bank to be a most complete representative of the Labour movement – a Co-op member for years, a Methodist minister who could be your dad, who gives money to Labour from Co-op funds. How much?

Half a million! Why half a milion? It’s a smear, make it a million!

Let’s have him only being an amateur in banking with no qualifications except “a professional requirement to be charitable”, and he gives a million to the party generally and also smaller donations to – who do we hate most? – Ed Balls.

Let’s get this perfect Labour guy who looks like your dad to give, what’s a really large private sum, fifty thousand pounds to Ed Balls’ office. Perfect.

But you want to have him personally corrupt? Is that really necessary? What, watching porn on his work computer as a Labour councillor? Okay, it’s a Harriet Harman sort of crime but –

You want him to be contracting rent boys? The chairman of the Co-op bank hiring rent boys? I guess it’s not imposs-

You want him to be doing DRUG DEALS? Now it’s too much. What sort of drugs? CRYSTAL METH?

You want him to look like everyone’s father, chair a Labour bank, give money to Labour shadow cabinet names, and be a rent-boy-seeking Labour councilor buying CRYSTAL METH in a car? It’s too much.

Smear-wise it’s beyond anything previously attempted.

More seriously, it will damage the whole smearing industry.

WATCH: Rob Ford: The Movie

Via teh internetz.


Special Offer of the Day

Arena Flowers wins for their outstanding effort at shoehorning Rev Flowers into a promotional offer.[…]


Coke-Snorting Co-op Boss' Night With Chuka

Rev Flowers has been nicked as Labour’s Co-op embarrassment makes the front pages once again this morning. By far Guido’s favourite story of the day however is this little gem found by the Sun, who have got hold of Facebook messages written by Flowers in which he lusts over a certain party loving Labour frontbencher:

Thank god he didn’t favourite anything on Twitter…[…]


Drug Banter from Dave the Rave

It was all banter, mate.

Cameron declared that he was only joking when he accused Michael Meacher of being on mind altering substances. Something the PM and Chancellor would know all about.

Dave admitted he smoked pot and has never denied taking cocaine, even when he was asked whether he took it after he was elected.[…]


SKETCH: Guido's Commenters and Co-Conspirators Read On

A note for slanderers, libellers, satirists, drunks, angry and bitter critics, parties with an urgent need for anti-social expression.

The Draft Defamation Bill was in committee last night, with regard to website operators.

The Government aren’t seeking to make website operators liable for comments posted under on-line articles.[…]


Labour's New Tough Line

Labour have this afternoon suspended coke-snorting Rev Flowers from the party.

Since they are taking such a tough line, Guido wonders if there is a precedent for such action against known cocaine users?

See also: 



Which Labour MP Spotted Co-Op Snorter's 'Colombian Flu'?

The crystal meth-smoking banking boss and Balls ally claimed:

‘…a Labour MP had passed him in the corridors and said, “Have you got a touch of the old Colombian flu?”’

Can anyone sniff out who is the alert Labour MP who was clearly on the ball?[…]


Rich's Monday Morning ViewBalls Owes Office to Coke Sniffin' Rev

You had to wonder what they were smoking over at the Co-op, and now you know. It was crystal meth…

Ed Balls did not have a very good weekend either. Not only was he publicly described as a “nightmare” by Team Miliband (albeit accidentally), the Shadow Chancellor would have been sweating about the Co-op story.[…]


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Quote of the Day

Philip Hammond at Treasury questions:

“I’m sorry to be boring.”

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