Ben Bradshaw’s Suit Gone to Pot

Troubled times for the children of Blair. Ben Bradshaw is wandering around in a hole-ridden suit. Admittedly Guido doesn’t like it when he has to dispose of a Savile Row number either, but it’s hardly a good look. Bradshaw is blaming Parliament’s infestation of moths – and the authorities have confirmed there is a problem. Though it looks a suspiciously like hot rock damage to Guido. Has Ben been “sharing his sister’s rollie” again?

WATCH: What Osborne Really Saw at PMQs

Guido did not receive a response when he asked a Treasury spokesman if the Chancellor had eaten disco biscuits on Tuesday night…

Via @holbornlolz.

Let Them Eat Death Burger

Not content with nannying people about booze and fags, the state is now trying to stop us from eating burgers. Birmingham Public Health childhood obesity co-ordinator Charlene Mulhern, whose job has so far evaded the clutches of ‘austerity’, has called for Hungry House’s double-donut, double-beefburger with melted cheese and smoked streaky bacon to be withdrawn from sale. “We all make mistakes and I would suggest that the Hungry Horse chain has made a mistake here,” moans Matron Mulhern. “It would be refreshing if they had a rethink and decided to withdraw this 2,000-calorie burger from the menu”.

Always an advocate of healthy eating, Guido would point out the high protein content of the £8.99 meal.

More importantly, if idiots want to stuff their faces with death burgers until they have a heart attack, they should be free to do so…

Blogging May Be Light This Morning…

… As Guido is nursing his hangover from last night’s readers’ party. His memory is slightly hazy, but there are a few things he can remember, remember from this fifth of November’s gunpowder treason and plot…

As the sun set in Westminster, one mysterious figure was spotted heading towards parliament wheeling behind him a suspicious looking barrel:

… As co-conspirators studied plans of parliament in the cellar of the Red Lion:

There was a heavy police presence:

While Boris was the star turn at Guido’s awards party two weeks back, last night Jo Johnson followed his brother:

Either Guido had a bizarre dream, or outside Vivienne Westwood was turned away by the cops. No hippies allowed.

It was the kind of party where the high priests of privatisation from the Adam Smith Institute were arguing amiably over a drink with the Cooperative Party’s policy gurus. Guido’s favourite moment was Miliband’s policy guru Lord (Stewart) Wood and Labour’s head of spin Bob Roberts walking into the crowd of co-conspirators and bolting when asked for selfies. See you next year…

Remember, Remember…

Join us tonight to celebrate 10 years of Guido, downstairs at the Red Lion from 6pm. A load of drunks in a cellar on November 5, what could possibly go wrong…

Guido Co-Conspirators Drinks Invitation Going Out Tonight

gf10-readers-drinks-tease

We’re having a drinks party for co-conspirators, this Wednesday, which not uncoincidentally is November Fifth. Guidogram subscribers will get the invitation tonight, and numbers are limited. Guido is putting £1,000 behind the bar…

You can subscribe to the Guidogram here. Alcohol in a cellar in Westminster on November Fifth? What could go wrong…

We Had a Party, Almost Everyone Came…

More from Guido’s Tenth Anniversary Awards night to follow…

Soon…

soon

Blogging will be light this afternoon. The Guido Awards… and the Golden Crosshairs. Soon…

Friday Caption Contest (UKIP Coke Party Edition)

Entries in the comments please…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Huge Tory Swing in Bath

Carpet-bagging wannabe MP and renowned bon viveur Ben Howlett has been getting to know his constituency, sampling the delights of Bath’s night-life. These photos were taken at the Po Na Na club, which Guido can confirm from personal experience is […]

+ READ MORE +

Guido Had a Bizarre Dream Last Night…

…that he was down the Rover’s Return on Coronation Street when this vaguely familiar face came in and stared at him from the other end of the bar:

Then Guido stumbles out and bumps into Len McCluskey, before having an […]

+ READ MORE +

Dave the Rave: Tories Launch Ibiza Branch

Chuka Umunna is not the only politico on Ibiza this summer. The Tories have just launched their own Balearic branch of Conservatives Abroad:

“Ibiza is renowned for attracting the world’s party people and last week was no exception as

[…]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Sky News ask a “Labour representative” where the local St George’s Day events are. He replies:

“You’re better off asking the UKIP candidate” 

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