Happy Birthday George

They say life begins at forty, but Guido reckons George Osborne’s birthday today won’t be as much fun as when he was twenty. He still has one vice these days – orange jelly

Jonah Brown Does for Scottish Labour What He Did Nationally

It seems appropriate that Kirkcaldy, Jonah Brown’s home town, provided the SNP with their majority. Saorsa!

Osama’s Final Hours

Class ending…

Gotcha Osama

Cue a thousand conspiracy theories about his quick burial at sea. One thing is for sure: Hell is going to be a bit of a surprise for Osama…

Tory Bagcarriers Census Sleepover

Overblown comparisons to the suffragette movement seem to be all the rage this weekend. After Miliband’s “I have a dream speech” one parliamentary bag-carrier took things a step further. Emily Davidson slept in parliament on the night of 1911 census to highlight the issue of votes for women, and a number of Tory researchers did the same last night to apparently highlight the that “overbearing government is the big issue of the day.” One emailed Guido early this morning to tell him:

“Ordinary people are being increasingly spied on by government snoopers. I wanted to take a stand and highlight the need for parliament to defend our civil liberties. Obviously it’s illegal to refuse to do the census or to lie, so my protest enables me to be honest with the Office of National Statistics without telling them anything about where I live.”

It seems Big Brother Watch have found a different bag-carrier with the same idea. That’ll show ‘em.

UPDATE: It is the head of the household is responsible for accurately completing the forms – not the individuals. Guido very much hopes that Mr Bercow has accurately filled in his forms with all residents of the estate last night because it would be rather unfortunate if he were to be prosecuted and fined £1,000 for incorrectly completing them.

Real Anarchists Don’t Oppose Cutting the State

Guido is always bemused that the ritual destruction of private property on left-wing demonstrations is attributed to “anarchists”. It seems very unlikely that they are anarchists, far more likely Socialist Worker Party toytown trots and knuckle-dragging leftie trouble makers. Anarchists want to smash the state not increase the size and scope of it…

Because it is a sunny Sunday here is Guido’s favourite funky anarchist anthem, No Governmentby Nicolette:

Remember kids, real anarchists don’t pay taxes…

Tripping Balls

The budget debate has been rather tetchy and laden with low blows and bitchiness. Excellent.

After Jess Norman had to withdraw the suggestion that the Shadow Chancellor must have been hallucinogenic drugs when he wrecked the economy, Ed Balls, (or Edgar according to Ben Brogan) saw an open goal. “I have never been on hallucinogenic drugs, would any of the front bench like to intervene…” Osborne giggled.

Is Balls really to lecture one other people’s university days activities though?

Cameron’s Contraband Plan

Former smoker David Cameron and current smokers Nick Clegg, Simon Burns, Steve Hilton etc are outlawing tobacco advertising. Do as they say, not as they do. Leaving aside the obvious risk that cutting off thousands of small shops at the knees poses, just as with prohibition and drugs, the evidence suggests that forcing vices underground increases the attraction. An “enemy of enterprise” and a purveyor of forbidden fruits in one easy piece of legislation.

Tory Agent Arrested for Kidnap

Founder of the right-wing Cornerstone group John Hayes, 52,  is certainly a lively addition to the green benches, but it seems his agent is even more of a party animal. Craig Jackson was denied bail this morning and held on […]

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The PPE Crowd – “Ted” Miliband’s Bullingdon Moment

Ed Miliband told Piers Morgan that he was a bit of “a square” at university, hence why he never took drugs or slept with as many girls as Nick Clegg. While Guido didn’t have much trouble believing this, with a […]

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Exclusive : Courtney Love Elected OUCA Officer for Rock ‘n Roll

This is Courtney Love, newly elected as Oxford University Conservative Association’s ‘Non-Executive Officer for Rock and Roll’. She was elected to her position tonight after an evening of drinking, in this instance the teen spirit was port. Courtney contributed to […]

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Publicans Call Out Booze Bull

Guido didn’t weigh in on the minimum pricing story yesterday because if he jumped on every broken promise from Dave he would be typing till the cows came home. Instead of living up to his promise of being on the […]

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Quote of the Day

Labour’s Austin Mitchell muses on the campaign:

“What’s the problem? No use pointing at the leader. Too late to change and unnecessary for Miliband is doing well at Question Time. His problem is connecting with the real world. He doesn`t speak people and his protective team of naive kids are playing West Wing rather than letting the leader relate to real people. We could point at the party, shrunk in numbers and enthusiasm because everything, from policy formulation to candidate selection, comes top down rather than bubbling up from below so campaigning becomes the opium of members deprived of any real role, though they`re not even sure what they’re campaigning about, with or for, but its role is marginal.”

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