Will Hutton, a hack who has bored on about Europe for decades, has tweeted a call for a boycott of the Wetherspoons chain of pubs until founder Tim Martin “apologises” for supporting Brexit:

I stopped using Wetherspoons as a private, personal protest about its support for Brexit lies back in 2016. Not a privation as I rarely drank there! Thought few others did the same. Maybe I’m wrong. Let’s boycott Wetherspoons until chair Tim Martin publicly says sorry.I was wrong pic.twitter.com/XyP9TBtXRf

— Will Hutton (@williamnhutton) August 9, 2023

In truth, remainers have been looking down their noses at the great British pub chain since before 2016 as they prefer to sip tepid Pinot Grigio from Waitrose. The boycott by gloomster centrists means that you can be guaranteed to avoid pub bores going on about phytosanitary certification issues and the difficulties of owning a holiday home in Provence. This unanticipated benefit of Brexit for Wetherspoons customers may in part explain the why the pubs are booming.

With Wetherspoons shares up 44% this year, and good value beer prices in these cost conscious times, Tim Martin has nothing to be sorry about. Cheers!

In the Commons on December 7, 2021, Labour MP Karl Turner asked the then-Chancellor Rishi Sunak a very specific question:

“The Chancellor was evasive when interviewed by the media last week, but we need a clear answer on this very important point because many people across the country made great personal sacrifices during the lockdown. So will he categorically deny in the House that he or any of his officials or Spads attended any of the Downing Street Christmas parties on 27 November or 18 December last year?”

Rishi gave a broad categorical answer:

“No, I did not attend any parties.”

Four months later, in April 2022, Rishi paid a Fixed Penalty Notice fine for attending the famous Downing Street birthday party with cake for Boris. As far as Guido can see that answer Rishi gave to Karl Turner does not fit the fact of his fine for attending a party. Guido can’t recall Rishi correcting the record. Or does it not matter when this PM misleads the house over the same party?

Nigel Farage popped in last week to the Guido Speakeasy to show us how to mix a sublime G&T. Nige’ mixed a few and told the tale of how he came to be in the gin business offering red, white and blue gin. We then went for a PFL. Somehow Guido has ended up – not for the first time – giving him free publicity. Happy Birthday Nigel!

Farage gin is produced by an artisan distillery in the heart of Cornwall using pure local spring water. Find out more here.

Jared O’Mara’s trial is reaching its conclusion, and the court was once again regaled with tales of the disgraced Labour MP’s exploits. The prosecution didn’t hold any punches, as he told the court Jared was “thoroughly rotten” and “thoroughly inadequate” – he was accused of “stuffing the parliamentary payroll with mates and cronies” to fund his “galloping” coke habit. Jared also became convinced that people in the commons “had it in for him and was refusing to pay his invoices”. Jared held one man responsible for this conspiracy – John Bercow.

“Arnold also said O’Mara was ‘convinced’ former Commons speaker John Bercow ‘had it in for him’ and was ‘refusing to pay his invoices’ in June 2019”

As final details of Jared’s cocaine-fuelled conspiracies came out, the nature of his criminal mastermind was revealed to the court. This meant getting the details right for each of his ploys. No doubt this is why when it came to picking an address for his fraudulent charity, Jared picked the Penistone Road McDonalds. Of course, he also had to be discrete, which is why he developed codewords – for cocaine it was “goose”. This was evidenced in one message sent to O’Mara:

“I’ll walk down. Invite the goose as well. I’ll bring the OJ and make sure you’ve got ample fags”

Guido never pulls his punches on the topic of the odious John Bercow, though even he reckons Jared has no one to blame but himself…

Thérèse Coffey took to one of the last Westminster Christmas parties of the season last night, for the Conservative Environment Network’s annual do. During her speech, delivered sporting a Father Christmas hat, Coffey claimed she is the voice of the plants and the fungi, referred to herself in third person, and apologised for some of what’s happened this year. “Can I hope you enjoy a fabulous Christmas, I’m very sorry for some of the things that happened along the way!”   

The most enjoyable moment came when the ex-DPM tried reeling off some of her department’s achievements of the last few months, only to have to ask the eco-audience for help before admitting she’d spend the day partying with her civil servants:

“In two months since arriving as Secretary of State, we have delivered those targets, we’ve laid the statutory instruments, we’ve achieved the negotiations today on the fisheries, what else have we done today? We’ve made sure that we’ve actually put more money into making sure the sustainable farming initiative  will have more take-up of farmers, we’ve signed off the new environment land management scheme… I’m trying to remember… I’ve actually had my Christmas do today with my civil servants so that’s why I’m so effusive! And why I’m wearing this [hat]!

Coffey’s certainly the government voice of funguys…

Labour’s efforts to climb into bed with big businesses continue this evening, with yet another swanky drinks reception over in Canary Wharf. Rachel Reeves will lead the prawn cocktail offensive, with around 350 tycoons gathering to hear her plans to make the UK friendlier to startups. It’s one of those irregular verbs: Tories offer cash for access, Labour conducts business engagement…

Among the big names expected to woo the crowd is none other than Tesco boss John Allan, who’ll explain how sucking up to enterprise could land yet another blow to the Tories’ fundraising efforts. Every little helps…

Allan is no stranger to getting down to business. Back in 1998, he made headlines in The Sun over a certain breach of contract:

“A millionaire was granted an historic divorce because his wife banned saucy sex acts, it was revealed yesterday. Tycoon John Allan, 49, said Polish-born Ewa stopped performing oral sex. He said their sex life had deteriorated after she became deeply religious .[..] The businessman, who has just pocketed £1.5million profit from selling shares, was granted a divorce in the High Court on the grounds of his wife’s unreasonable behaviour […]

A top legal expert said: “It is the first time I’ve heard of a case of whether a wife performs certain sexual favours coming into it. It seems the court is saying that a wife is obliged to provide extra services in the bedroom.” The judge, assistant recorder Alison Hall QC, said the couple’s sex life began to decline from mid-1994 “because of the wife’s disinclination to perform certain sexual acts, previously enjoyed, on principle.”

With Labour hoping to get lucky at the next election, who better to show them how it’s done?