Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Salmond’s Stone of Destiny

Alex Salmond is on a little farewell tour as First Minister, unveiling his “legacy stone” at Heriot Watt University, near Edinburgh:

“Rocks would melt with the sun before I allow tuition fees to be imposed on Scotland’s students”

He’s a big fan of the Burns quote, using it again only a couple of months ago to say: “Rocks would melt with the sun before I’d ever set foot in the House of Lords”.

What better way to remember a politician with an inflated sense of self-importance than chiselling his quote into a naff piece of masonry?

Via STV’s Claire Stewart

Monday, November 3, 2014

Lord Barnett R.I.P. : Bury His Formula With Him

Lord Barnett has passed away. His formula outlives him, something of which he did not approve. Giles Dilnot’s interview makes Joel’s view clear…

Friday, October 31, 2014

Labour Drinking Murphy Kool Aid: He’s Our Santos

They’re really starting to drink the Jim Murphy kool-aid if Nick Watt’s Guardian profile is anything to go by:

“Nyta Clarke, who came to know Murphy during her time working in Blair’s Downing Street, thought he had a touch of stardust, reminding her of Matt Santos, the fictional young congressman in the final episodes of The West Wing who retires in frustration with politics, only to be persuaded to make a successful bid for the presidency.“I thought Jim was our Matt Santos because he is both fiercely intelligent and hugely personable,” Clarke says, adding: “Jim has a very nice manner with people. He is a very modest person and it is not a fake modesty. He is also very brave, as he proved with his 100-town tour.” Santos is, like Murphy, a Catholic. Murphy said in 2011 that he did not believe the UK was ready to elect a Catholic as prime minister, though he hopes that Scotland will be ready to elect a Catholic first minister in 2016.”

So Murphy is apparently “our Santos”. The charming, funny, witty, personable, fictional and, err, Hispanic presidential winner in a TV show lionised by political nerds. Slurp! 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Murphy Has a Mountain to Climb

Potential Scottish Labour leaders are dropping like flies. Gordon’s out, Anus is out and even the continuity-Lamont candidate Kezia Dugdale is out. Margaret Curran – who knifed her old best friend – is suspiciously quiet, but the bookies are eyeing  up Jim Murphy.

It’s going to be an interesting narrative for the Catholic right-winger to shape if he’s to get the job that nobody wants. Firstly he’s a teetotal vegetarian. Which is sure to endear him to the Scottish populace. Perhaps he’s making  up for the time he had scurvy.

And then there are his school days. Will left-wing opponents argue that his going to a racially segregated school is worse than being an old Etonian? Murphy is an old boy of Milnerton High School, the segregated private school in Cape Town that Murphy attended when his family chose to emigrate to apartheid South Africa in 1979. Other notable alumni include Dr. Wouter Basson – nicknamed Dr Death – the former head of South Africa’s secret chemical and biological warfare project, Project Coast.

But worse than all this, in the eyes of the Labour Party: Murphy is a Blairite.

Monday, October 6, 2014

“Go F**k Youself” Gordon Petition Reaches 10,000 Signatures

Scottish nationalists have reacted with characteristic charm and good grace to their referendum defeat. The following petition now has more than 10,000 signatures:

According to the petitioner, “because Scotland is sick of listening to your wobble-faced lies, you useless absentee ex-politician sh*tebag”They’ve got 10,000 signatures, and Guido reckons they could get 10,000 more…

Thursday, September 18, 2014

SCOTLAND DECIDES: Declaration Times

Staying up for the long haul tonight? Below are the times we can expect each region to declare their results:

Western Isles: 2.00am
Perth and Kinross: 2.00am
Orkney Islands: 2.00am
North Lanarkshire: 2.00am
Moray: 2.00am
Inverclyde: 2.00am
East Lothian: 2.00am
Clackmannanshire: 2.30am
West Dubartonshire: 3.00am
Stirling: 3.00am
South Lanarkshire: 3.00am
Renfrewshire: 3.00am
Falkirk: 3.00am
East Renfrewshire: 3.00am
East Ayshire: 3.00am
Dundee: 3.00am
Dumfries and Galloway: 3.00am
Angus: 3.00am
Aberdeenshire: 3.00am
West Lothian: 3.30am
South Ayrshire: 3.30am
Shetland Islands: 3.30am
Midlothian: 3.30am
East Dunbartonshire: 3.30am
Argyll and Bute: 3.30am
Highland: 4.00am
Fife: 4.00am
North Ayrshire: 4.30am
Scottish Borders: 5.00am
Glasgow: 5.00am
Edinburgh: 5.00am
Aberdeen: 6.00am

If you’re planning on a few hours shut eye but want to be up for the excitement at the end, set your alarm clock for about 4:30am…

FINAL YOUGOV POLL: No 54%, Yes 46%

Top Tories Vow to Fight Cash for Scots

Rail minister Claire Perry has become the highest profile Tory to threaten to scrap the £1,500-a-head subsidy English taxpayers pay to Scots in the event of a No vote. Perry says:

“Cool, calm analysis, not promises of financial party bags to appease Mr Salmond, are what is needed from tomorrow and onwards. [A No vote must not result in] a whole raft of goodies on offer for Scotland that will be paid for by us south of the border to try to appease the Yes voters.”

John Whittingdale agrees:

“I for one would be very concerned at the idea that my electorate would continue to subsidise the Scots even after they have been given all these powers to raise even more money.”

As does backbencher James Gray, who writes in his local paper:

“I do not agree with the ‘Devo Max’ proposals which the three party leaders seem to be offering. Talk about feeding an addiction. The more you give them, the more they want.. The Barnett Formula, under which every Scottish citizen gets £1,500 per year more spent on him/her than their English counterpart must be swept away with no delay. We want greater powers for the long-suffering people of England.”

The PM will be eternally grateful to them for airing their views on polling day…

FINAL POLL: Ipsos Mori Says No 53%, Yes 47%

Björk Backs Yes

yes-bjork

The lyrics call for a new flag, new currency and protection of indigenous languages and to ignore the patronising.

Funking for freedom…


Seen Elsewhere

Emily is No Snob | Islington Tribune
Cam’s Red Line | Sun
Politicians Must Examine Their Extincts | Laura K
Immigration Lies | Nigel Farage
Take That Mr Speaker | Quentin Letts
How Avoidable Scandals Destroy Stupid Politicians | Alex Wickham
UKIP Mosque Confusion | The Week
Let’s Ban the Word Internet | Padraig Reidy
Are the Broadcasters Ready For the Election? | Specccie
Moral Bankruptcy of the BBC | David Keighley
UKIP’s ‘Starsky and Hutch’ | Total Politics


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Tony Blair threatens Ed:

“If you had a strong political lead that was combining the politics of aspiration with the politics of compassion, I still think that’s where you could get a substantial majority…  If I ever do an interview on [the state of the Labour Party], it will have to be at length…”



Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.


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