Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Murphy Has a Mountain to Climb

Potential Scottish Labour leaders are dropping like flies. Gordon’s out, Anus is out and even the continuity-Lamont candidate Kezia Dugdale is out. Margaret Curran – who knifed her old best friend – is suspiciously quiet, but the bookies are eyeing  up Jim Murphy.

It’s going to be an interesting narrative for the Catholic right-winger to shape if he’s to get the job that nobody wants. Firstly he’s a teetotal vegetarian. Which is sure to endear him to the Scottish populace. Perhaps he’s making  up for the time he had scurvy.

And then there are his school days. Will left-wing opponents argue that his going to a racially segregated school is worse than being an old Etonian? Murphy is an old boy of Milnerton High School, the segregated private school in Cape Town that Murphy attended when his family chose to emigrate to apartheid South Africa in 1979. Other notable alumni include Dr. Wouter Basson – nicknamed Dr Death – the former head of South Africa’s secret chemical and biological warfare project, Project Coast.

But worse than all this, in the eyes of the Labour Party: Murphy is a Blairite.

Monday, October 6, 2014

“Go F**k Youself” Gordon Petition Reaches 10,000 Signatures

Scottish nationalists have reacted with characteristic charm and good grace to their referendum defeat. The following petition now has more than 10,000 signatures:

According to the petitioner, “because Scotland is sick of listening to your wobble-faced lies, you useless absentee ex-politician sh*tebag”They’ve got 10,000 signatures, and Guido reckons they could get 10,000 more…

Thursday, September 18, 2014

SCOTLAND DECIDES: Declaration Times

Staying up for the long haul tonight? Below are the times we can expect each region to declare their results:

Western Isles: 2.00am
Perth and Kinross: 2.00am
Orkney Islands: 2.00am
North Lanarkshire: 2.00am
Moray: 2.00am
Inverclyde: 2.00am
East Lothian: 2.00am
Clackmannanshire: 2.30am
West Dubartonshire: 3.00am
Stirling: 3.00am
South Lanarkshire: 3.00am
Renfrewshire: 3.00am
Falkirk: 3.00am
East Renfrewshire: 3.00am
East Ayshire: 3.00am
Dundee: 3.00am
Dumfries and Galloway: 3.00am
Angus: 3.00am
Aberdeenshire: 3.00am
West Lothian: 3.30am
South Ayrshire: 3.30am
Shetland Islands: 3.30am
Midlothian: 3.30am
East Dunbartonshire: 3.30am
Argyll and Bute: 3.30am
Highland: 4.00am
Fife: 4.00am
North Ayrshire: 4.30am
Scottish Borders: 5.00am
Glasgow: 5.00am
Edinburgh: 5.00am
Aberdeen: 6.00am

If you’re planning on a few hours shut eye but want to be up for the excitement at the end, set your alarm clock for about 4:30am…

FINAL YOUGOV POLL: No 54%, Yes 46%

Top Tories Vow to Fight Cash for Scots

Rail minister Claire Perry has become the highest profile Tory to threaten to scrap the £1,500-a-head subsidy English taxpayers pay to Scots in the event of a No vote. Perry says:

“Cool, calm analysis, not promises of financial party bags to appease Mr Salmond, are what is needed from tomorrow and onwards. [A No vote must not result in] a whole raft of goodies on offer for Scotland that will be paid for by us south of the border to try to appease the Yes voters.”

John Whittingdale agrees:

“I for one would be very concerned at the idea that my electorate would continue to subsidise the Scots even after they have been given all these powers to raise even more money.”

As does backbencher James Gray, who writes in his local paper:

“I do not agree with the ‘Devo Max’ proposals which the three party leaders seem to be offering. Talk about feeding an addiction. The more you give them, the more they want.. The Barnett Formula, under which every Scottish citizen gets £1,500 per year more spent on him/her than their English counterpart must be swept away with no delay. We want greater powers for the long-suffering people of England.”

The PM will be eternally grateful to them for airing their views on polling day…

FINAL POLL: Ipsos Mori Says No 53%, Yes 47%

Björk Backs Yes

yes-bjork

The lyrics call for a new flag, new currency and protection of indigenous languages and to ignore the patronising.

Funking for freedom…

Andy Murray Endorses Yes During Media Blackout

am-yes

Andy Murray has declared he’s for Yes just hours before the polls open. Crucially though by tweeting his support in the middle of the night, his comments cannot be reported by the broadcasters due to the midnight imposed restrictions of the Representation of the People Act. They also came too late for the dead tree press. 24 hours earlier and this would have been a massive coup for Salmond, though Guido suspects for commercial reasons this was a deliberate move on Murray’s part. 

Meanwhile, the leader of the ‘free’ world is against freedom for Scotland. Guido hasn’t seen independence doing America much harm. Perhaps George III should have deployed the ‘what currency are you going to use’ line instead of sending in the Redcoats. 

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

YouGov/Sun: No 52%, Yes 48%
Survation/Record: No 53%, Yes 47%

scotland_indyref_4box[1]

Ipsos Mori: 51% No, 49% Yes


Seen Elsewhere

Can Jim Murphy Save Scottish Labour? | Guardian
There is Still Appetite for the Westminster Lunch | Jon Craig
Labour Turn Their Backs on Jewish Community | Dan Hodges
Chivalry is Not Dead | Laura Perrins
Jonathan Jones is a Tw*t | Iain Dale
Second Scotland Poll Suggests Labour Wipeout | Times
Paedo Probe Boss Urged to Quit | Sun
Keynesian Tories Won’t Eliminate Deficit | Tim Montgomerie
Whitehall Doesn’t Work | Dom Cummings
Russell Brand’s Tax Avoidance Firm | Sun
1 in 7 Young Britons Back ISIS | Times


VOTER-RECALL
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David Cameron drug policy reformer and leadership contender in 2005…

“Politicians attempt to appeal to the lowest common denominator by posturing with tough policies and calling for crackdown after crackdown. Drugs policy has been failing for decades.”



“Digger” Murdoch says:

Is it just me, or is Nigel Farage just a top hat and a monocle away from being a Batman villain?


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