Sorry Obama Couldn’t Be Bothered, But Here’s James Taylor

John Kerry reaffirmed his status as international diplomacy’s leading pillock this afternoon with his excruciatingly embarrassing apology to France. After no senior American official could be bothered to attend the unity rally in Paris last week, John Kerry stowed James Taylor in his hand luggage for his visit to the French capital. Taylor was paraded at a press conference to sing “You’ve got a friend…” Which wasn’t at all awkward…

What Would Prime Minister Miliband Be Like?

yeah

Today the French press and social media are convulsed with a hat-related collective “Why is our president an embarrassing jerk?” spasm.

Guido would like to point out that “Hollande” is the French word for “Miliband”…

‘Tis the Eve of St Crispin’s Day, Dave…

On which day, according to Shakespeare, the leader of the English told the herald of the Constable of France:

Come thou no more for ransom, gentle herald:
They shall have none, I swear, but these my joints;
Which if they have as I will leave ’em them,
Shall yield them little, tell the constable.

“…he which hath no stomach to this fight, let him depart…”

Hollibandism Sees Foreign Direct Investment Fall 77%

Hollibandism

The economic numbers coming out of France are horrific, the Wall Street Journal is reporting that new investments by foreign businesses in France fell sharply in 2013 by 77%.  A collapse of international confidence in France…

By contrast, foreign investment in Angela Merkel’s Germany almost quadrupled, even in Spain, Italy and Ireland foreign investment rose. The explanation is that France has a left-wing socialist government. Hollande’s great admirer Ed Miliband is likewise promising to bring back socialism to Britain:

“What President Hollande is seeking to do in France and what he is seeking to do in leading the debate in Europe is find that different way forward. We are in agreement in seeking that new way that needs to be found and I think can be found.”

Terrifying…

City AM Sparks Diplomatic Incident With France

The French Embassy has taken French-born Allister Heath’s column on their government’s failed socialist experiment personally. Since there is definitely nothing else interesting going on in France at the moment, they took the time to condemn the piece as an “ideological mix of prejudice and error” with a contender for the worst ‘listicle’ ever made. Best of all, they lay into the NHS as “ailing” and suffering from “years of under-investment”. William Hague is no doubt summoning the French ambassador to the Foreign Office as we speak. Journalists may be of a different breed across the channel, though maybe the Embassy should sort out their own philandering, partner-traumatising President before they start having a pop at us…

François Hollande Abandons “Milibandism”

In a panicky new year message France’s President François Hollande has pledged to cut public spending, lower taxes and reduce labour costs for businesses in a bid to convince French voters that he is trying to avert le triple dip. The opposite of the policies which can be described as “Milibandism”.

It seems only yesterday that Ed was welcomed onto the steps of the Elysee Palace with a handshake from his new best comrade, saying:

milibande

“What President Hollande is seeking to do in France and what he is seeking to do in leading the debate in Europe is find that different way forward. We are in agreement in seeking that new way that needs to be found and I think can be found.”

Socialist Hollande now has the lowest net approval rating ever recorded for a French President at +20%. When you are a loser no one wants to shake your hand, as this batch of photos of Hollande with world leaders shows. Well, all apart from one other socialist leader with an even worse net approval rating of -34%, Monsieur Miliband…

Sun Readers Gave More for Typhoon Haiyan Than France

Le Triple Dip For Hollibande

Socialist France has fallen into a triple dip recession this morning, Francois Hollande marks his first anniversary of being sworn in with his economy shrinking by 0.2% in the first quarter this year. One thing you won’t be hearing this side of the channel today is any more talk from Ed Miliband of a “united front” with France’s enterprise-destroying tax-obsessed corruption hit growth killer. Nothing of last summer’s Hollibande agreement for a “different way forward”, or Ed’s ill-fated praise for the French leader’s “determination to create jobs and growth”. Come 2015, don’t say they didn’t warn you…

See also:

Trident Costs a Bomb

trident-costs-a-bomb

During the Cold War no one was keener on deterring the Soviet Union than Guido; Trident, Pershing and Cruise missiles meant that the Red Army stayed in Russia. That deployment and the threatened development of the Strategic Defense Initiative bankrupted […]

+ READ MORE +

After Merkozy, Whatever Happened to Hollibande?

François Hollande is at an all-time low after the Socialist government’s “Monsieur Propre” (Mr Clean), Jérôme Cahuzac, admitted to having a “bank account abroad” for the past two decades. The former budget minister with responsibility for cracking down on tax […]

+ READ MORE +

World Exclusive: Jean Michel Jarre Says Au Revoir Socialism
Rock Star’s Secret Downing Street Talks About London Move

JARRE

Jean Michel Jarre, the only French global rock star, has been into Downing Street to discuss moving to London to escape Francois Hollande’s tax hikes. The French President wants confiscatory 75% tax rates for high earners.

In secrecy Jarre […]

+ READ MORE +

Hollande Left With Oeuf on Face

It turns out President Hollande was all mouth and no trousers last week as he tried to mock Team GB’s medal haul:

“We don’t talk of money, we talk of gold. The British have rolled out a red carpet for

[…]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Jean-Claude Juncker:

“We will never let the Greek people down. And we know the Greek people don’t want to let down the European Union.”

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