As Guido wrote at the weekend:

Officially, the Conservative leadership pretends eurosceptic UKIP are not a threat; privately, their troops do not agree. Charles Tannock, a senior Tory Member of the European Parliament, has issued a panicked briefing to colleagues stating: “UKIP poses a direct threat to Conservative re-election prospects…UKIP polling at even 8% could be critical in splitting our vote and, paradoxically, help achieve the result of a small majority Labour government, or Labour-LibDem coalition – which is more pro-EU!”

And here is the whole memo:

Nope, no threat there…

The call in the Times this morning from Douglas Alexander and Ed Balls for a “real-terms cut” in the EU budget would have been uncomfortable enough for the PM, who is proposing an by-inflation rise, if it were not for a coordinated sting from his own party. Leaving aside the irony of Labour  jumping on this bandwagon after a decade and a half of surrendering the rebate and rubber stamping vast increases in the EU budget, a perfect storm is brewing for the PM.

When the tediously titled “EU budget simplification and the multi annual financial framework motion” reaches the Commons on Wednesday, both Mark Reckless and Mark Pritchard, the doyens of the new Tory awkward squad, are throwing very large spanners in the works. Pritchard’s amendment will call for no rise at all, while Reckless will argue for a cut. A purple plot is forming with Labour going through the lobby with the Tory rebels. A source close to the fun and games on the Tory side coughed this morning that the storm is ”not entirely uncoordinated.”

UPDATE: Reckless has written at length on the plan:

“I and other Conservative colleagues are supporting an amendment to say that there must be at least some constraint on EU spending. Although many of us would wish to see a substantial reduction in EU spending, at least in line with cuts at home, today we are only asking the government to strengthen its stance so that there is some real terms reduction in the EU budget.”

Which is pretty much what Labour said this morning…

Today history was made as the first-ever crowd-sourced Bill was debated in Parliament. The majority of 5,000 readers of this website voted for Douglas Carswell to propose Britain to withdraw from the European Union, and today Carswell stood up in the House to argue the case for the People’s Bill. The debate can be watched at length here. 

Video via @liarpoliticians

Meet Hannes Swoboda, president of the Progressive Alliance of Socialists and Democrats of which Labour’s MEPs are proud card-carrying members. In a withering rant about British attitudes to Europe, Labour’s European Parliament chief announces their new referendum policy:

“Why should we be accommodating with them and not with the pro-Europeans? He [Cameron] is not a child with whom you have to be patient. They should decide what they want. It is not for me to push Britain out. I want Britain in, because without Britain we are weaker, but finally we cannot hold someone who wants to go. Or we have someone who doesn’t want to go but always tries to go. We have make it clear he has a choice…We should have a referendum now.”

That puts Labour’s bonkers Brussels crowd in an interesting position… 

Not content with distributing planted questions, it seems the Government is really scraping the barrel over the Peoples’ Brexit:

Govt whips apparently asked pro-EU Dennis McShane if he cld speak against my Bill to quit EU. Hilarious!—
Douglas Carswell MP (@DouglasCarswell) October 25, 2012

When you need a thief to fight your corner, you know you’re on the wrong side…

#MFF How much does your country pay for the UK rebate? Check it out in our MFF-tool, updated with new figures: europarl.europa.eu/news/en/headli…—
EP PressService (@EuroParlPress) October 23, 2012

We pay for this press office… 

How encouraging to see Tory MEPs Vicky Ford and Marina Yannakoudakis speak out against an EU diktat proposing to force companies to introduce a 40% quota for female board members. Ford has voiced her opposition in no uncertain terms: ”yes diverse boards are a good thing, but rigid quotas go too far for me.” Marina also chipped in: “I oppose compulsory quotas. Quotas for women distort equality.”

Funny then that back in 2008 both Vicky and Marina received fewer votes than their male rivals and owe their seats in the European Parliament, that’s right, to a quota. Both MEPs only won seats due to the preferential ranking system for women used in the elections. One Brussels insider tells Guido:

“The sheer audaciousness of Ford and Yannakoudakis is astounding.  It sticks in my gut to see these two superannuated flibbertigibbets attempting to derive political capital out of quotas – the very same process that handed them their seats.”

Quite…

Referendum-pledging Dave admitted in PMQs today that he actually doesn’t want an in/out referendum at all, but merely a “new settlement with Europe”, whatever that means. Effectively he is saying that the only choice he will give the British public is whether they want to stay in the EU… or stay in the EU. Ukip gain.

UPDATE: James Forsyth has the detail in tomorrow’s Spectator about Cameron’s plan:

“As a precursor to this renegotiation, the coalition is undertaking a ‘balance of competences’ review. This might sound a thoroughly dull, bureaucratic exercise. But it is terribly important because for the first time it will reveal just how much the European Union influences our national life. It will call for evidence from government departments, business, civil society, think tanks and parliamentary committees. And the government plans to publish the evidence submitted.

The review won’t make any recommendations, but when it concludes in 2014 it will form the evidential basis for renegotiation. Cameron’s plan is, before Christmas, to commit to a referendum after the next election. The Cameroons hope that this will be enough to satisfy the party’s Eurosceptics. Conservative strategists believe such a move would check Ukip’s advance. The prospect of Nigel Farage’s merry band pushing the Conservatives into third place in the European elections in 2014 sends many of them into cold sweat, and worse.”

Guido is not sure that will be enough to buy off the growing legion of ‘merry men’…

Today 2,000 zombies invaded London as part of World Zombie Day, Guido prefers Conservative Way Forward’s invasion of the Euro zombies…

Norwegian television confirms that the European Union is the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. And no it’s not a Daily Mash spoof. Presumably the EU deserves the prize for its sterling effort helping to plunge the world into economic crisis? Or maybe for its excellent work in Syria? This is even more absurd than the time they awarded it to Obama for his peace-spreading drone strikes in North Pakistan…

UPDATE:

Nigel Farage: this goes to show the Norwegians really do have a sense of humour—
Nicholas Watt (@nicholaswatt) October 12, 2012

UPDATE II: As Greece heads towards civil war it might be worth noting the Dalai Lama’s view this morning:

Peace isn't the mere absence of violence; peace must come from inner peace. And inner peace comes from taking others’ interests into account—
Dalai Lama (@DalaiLama) October 12, 2012