Osborne: the Naked “Son of a Curtain Salesman”

The Chancellor is only commenting through his lawyers – who dismiss Natalie Rowe as a dodgy witness – but the former hooker from that photo has her book out today. Guido will bring you some key extracts today, suitable for a family blog.

Their first meeting:

“Chris met George Osborne while at Oxford; they were both members of the infamous Bullingdon Club. By the time I started seeing William, the three of them were close friends and often turned up at my place together. I called them my ‘Three Musketeers’. Individually, William was ‘Willie Wonka’, George was ‘Georgie Porgie’ and Chris was ‘Christopher Robin’. George first arrived at my place with Chris, along with his friend Philip Delves Broughton, a writer for the New York Times. George was an attractive 22-year-old and it was immediately clear that girls considered him to be highly eligible – they were always vying for his attention. I thought he was quite good-looking but much preferred William. At this time George didn’t show any signs of the defiant character he went on to display as Chancellor of the Exchequer. Chris and William teased him about his background, that he was the “son of a curtain salesman” (his father is the co-founder of Osborne & Little, the fabric and wallpaper designers) and because he didn’t go to Eton. George took it without complaint; he had this ‘look’ he would give me that said ‘How pathetic are they?’”

Osborne gets naked:

“On one particularly drunken evening at my flat in Prince of Wales Terrace, I made a bet with George, Chris and William that they would strip off naked, run out the door, down the street to a building that was fifty metres away and back again. The first one back would get a ‘prize’. Eventually, after a bit of cajoling, the three of them agreed, stripped off and waited by the front door. “Ready?” I said, my hand on the door handle. “Set… Go!” I threw open the door and off they ran down the front steps, bottoms wobbling as they pounded down the street. And, of course, I locked the door and went back inside. I watched as they came running back, cheering them on. They all arrived more or less at the same time and couldn’t believe what I’d done to them. “Please let me back in!” the future Chancellor of the Exchequer pleaded. They all begged, hands over their willies, and I just watched, laughing. I laughed so much that I collapsed and thought I might even wee myself. Luckily for them, my building was in a quiet cul-de-sac. I gave them a good few minutes, which must have seemed like hours, god knows what any passer-by would have made of three naked men standing in the street. Finally, when I’d decided they’d had enough, I let them back in. They loved it and were all laughing afterwards – they’d enjoyed the joke.”

Rowe is very clear that the character of “Joe”, a young politician with the safe word “Mary” is not Osborne.

Though regular readers will remember the word “Louise” from a while back…

Sally Beercow Reacts to New Woman in Speaker’s Office

It seems like the Attitude Awards were rather jolly.

Via: Daily Mail

The Rebel Alliance Form South of France Hotel Pact

Lord Ashcroft’s ability to troll the Prime Minister knows no ends. When he’s not pouring claret down Tom Watson’s throat he’s lunching another former insider Cameron threw to the wolves:

Not a menacing picture, at all…

Gove "Just Hot"

We’ve all been there, having to explain yourself to the missus after coming home a bit squiffy from a long night out. It seems the Education Secretary was quick thinking. Mrs Gove, soon to be Mail columnist Sarah Vine, tweets:

That old chestnut.

Boris and Gove on a Smashing Night Out

Guido would not like to suggest that Boris and Gove had wet the Royal Baby’s head last night, though then again these photos do suggest they were in somewhat jovial spirits after a dinner at Scotts:

Boris clearly just fancied a stroll rather than riding his bike home, while Gove’s difficulty walking in a straight line can obviously be explained by the heat:

Hic.

Via Mail.

Tories Replace Ed at Miners' Gala

Last year Ed Miliband went to the Durham Miners’ Gala to march with his union paymasters. In the wake of the ongoing scandal, it is no surprise to hear that he kept his distance yesterday. Filling in the gap was new Tory campaign group Renewal. Guido understands that they survived their trip to Durham. The group have their official launch tonight, though given their aim is to win working class northern votes, finding the right venue in SW1 was tricky. The usual swanky hotels that these sort of launches use would not really cut it. Free bar at the slightly dingy Old Star seems about right. Guido will be there at around six. Flat caps optional.

Stranger Things Have Happened…

… Though not many. The baronetcy heir apparent tests the effects on the working man of his 1p cut to the price of beer, pulling a pint for Tom Watson in parliament’s Strangers bar last night. Sampling the latest from his local brewery, called Pennies from Eleven apparently. Must not make eye contact…

Via @michaeldughermp

Farage Cautioned For Being Drunk and Disorderly

Nigel Farage’s city trader son will receive the caution after being found a bit worse for wear by cops in central London. A rite of passage for the offspring of any great leader.

It happens to the best of us…

Via CourtNews.

This UKIP Candidate Definitely Not Racist or Homophobic

18-y-o-ukipper

Our colleagues over at The Sun put 18-year-old politics student Bradley Monk, standing for UKIP to get on the Hampshire County Council seat Winchester Eastgate tomorrow, on page 2 after he put pictures of himself wearing a creepy Jimmy Savile mask on his Facebook page.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Lobsterity Lunch

lobsterity

Neo-Guido is 27 years old, never been kissed…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Majestic Wines offer an Argentinian Toast Today

argie-wine-day

Of course today would be Majestic’s World Malbec Day, brought to you by “Wines of Argentina”. Not quite in the Oddbins league perhaps, though this must be the second most unfortunate booze promotion of the week. Guido will be heading down to Maggie’s nightclub later this evening, where the drinks will be rather more suited to today’s other occasion of note…[…]

+ READ MORE +

McBride and Shapps Bond Over Beers

As Guido revealed in his Sun on Sunday column, an unlikely alliance has been forged over beers. The gruesome twosome of Damian McBride and Grant Shapps teamed up for a Macmillian charity pub quiz night last week. McBride tells Guido how Grant “demolished a round of cryptic clues to underground stations”, with the pair finishing second overall.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Ten Visitors a Day Caught With Knives in Parliament

In yesterday’s Sun column Guido revealed that police guarding the checkpoints at entrances to Parliament have confiscated 641 knives from visitors in the first two months of this year, an average of more than ten a day. Lock knives, flick knives and Swiss army knives were among those found, so much for Dave’s promise to lock up anyone carrying a blade.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Boozed Up BBC Partygoers Go Out With a Bang

20130328-085132.jpg Copious booze, staff nicking mementos and partygoers scoring in the studios; the Beeb’s Television Centre goodbye party sounds like a night to remember. Or, more likely, forget:

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Double Standards in Labour Education

Backbench dunce Ian Mearns wasted no time in sticking his oar in to the bitch fight between Tim Loughton and the anonymous @ToryEducation yesterday. The Member of the Education Select Committee must have thought he was onto a right wheeze up there on his high horse:

“This extraordinary attack is another example of derogatory language….

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Shepherd’s Bye

Lamentations across Westminster village as word spreads that upmarket lunch spot Shepherd’s has shut down. What was rumoured to be a gas leak has now been confirmed as a full closure. Guido is shocked and saddened. There are too many poncy restaurants in Westminster and for some reason Shepherd’s  had been recently remodelled and menu changed for worse.[…]

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Dominic Cummings sums up scribblers…

“99% of expensive punditry is noise not signal, tune it out and think for yourself.”

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Runners & Riders Runners & Riders
Social Media’s Filter Bubble Driving Political Anger Social Media’s Filter Bubble Driving Political Anger
4 a.m. Tom Watson 4 a.m. Tom Watson
Britain Votes For Brexit Britain Votes For Brexit
BBC Declares Brexit Winner BBC Declares Brexit Winner
Guido’s Referendum Best Bits Guido’s Referendum Best Bits
Bob Geldof Boat Passenger Votes Leave Bob Geldof Boat Passenger Votes Leave
Which Brexiteer Are You? Which Brexiteer Are You?
Referendum Day CCHQ Leak Referendum Day CCHQ Leak
Liz Hurley Backs Brexit Liz Hurley Backs Brexit
WHICH REMAINER ARE YOU? WHICH REMAINER ARE YOU?
EU TO OPEN NEW TURKEY MEMBERSHIP TALKS ON JUNE 30 EU TO OPEN NEW TURKEY MEMBERSHIP TALKS ON JUNE 30
GERMAN BUSINESS CHIEF CALLS POSSIBILITY OF POST-BREXIT BARRIERS “VERY, VERY FOOLISH” GERMAN BUSINESS CHIEF CALLS POSSIBILITY OF POST-BREXIT BARRIERS “VERY, VERY FOOLISH”
PROJECT SNEER: LUVVIES SAY LEAVERS ARE ‘THICK IDIOTS’ PROJECT SNEER: LUVVIES SAY LEAVERS ARE ‘THICK IDIOTS’
TURKEY “FLABBERGASTED” BY CAMERON: “HE’S OUR BIGGEST SUPPORTER!” TURKEY “FLABBERGASTED” BY CAMERON: “HE’S OUR BIGGEST SUPPORTER!”
BORIS LOOKS FORWARD TO INDEPENDENCE DAY BORIS LOOKS FORWARD TO INDEPENDENCE DAY
HESELTINE: UK WILL JOIN EURO IF WE REMAIN HESELTINE: UK WILL JOIN EURO IF WE REMAIN
Sadiq “EU Should Not Be a Christian Club” Sadiq “EU Should Not Be a Christian Club”
“REST IN POWER”: CORPORATE SPIN DOCTORS TAKE CONTROL OF COX IMAGE “REST IN POWER”: CORPORATE SPIN DOCTORS TAKE CONTROL OF COX IMAGE