Ed Balls Gangnam Style

Disturbing new photos have emerged of Ed Balls at Labour’s annual diversity party last night. The Standard reports:

“Host Keith Vaz stole the show by donning sunglasses for last night’s dance marathon, where two belly-dancers tied their bright sashes around the MP as they gyrated either side of him… Chuka Umunna, Harriet Harman, Sadiq Khan, Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper were among those showing off their moves at the event, which saw confetti fall from the ceiling as Gangnam Style was repeated at the end.”

What kind of monster wears sunglasses inside? 

Walking in the Air (Of Superiority)

Meet Aled Jones, 20 year-old namesake of your mum’s favourite Welsh ex-choirboy and star of this pre-election Labour campaign video:

Aled shares the heart-warming story of his humble beginnings, how he grew up on his family’s sheep farm in rural Wales, and why “I’m Labour because I believe in a society where no one falls behind”. But Aled’s meek backstory isn’t all it seems.

What Labour don’t tell us is their new poster boy is actually a law student at Oxford, co-chair of Oxford University Labour Club and former intern for several Labour politicians. Presumably his commitment to “a society where wealth doesn’t just trickle down from the top” stems from his experience working for Shell oil company and Magic Circle law firm Slaughter and May. And, like any aspiring socialist, he also has a penchant for champagne and white tie:

The revolution is safe in Aled’s hands…

Tory MP Graham Stuart Raving Video Emerges

Well one Tory MP  is having a mental recess. Gurning Graham Stuart spent his Saturday night at the Humber Street Sesh with monged out fellow revellers dancing to Endoflevelbaddie. For those of you not aquainted with the four piece dance collective: “With the best name in the history of music, Endoflevelbaddie hail from, well, another galaxy probably”:

“Endoflevelbaddie combine massive production, slick visuals, sharp lyrics and a live show second to none. With producer ‘Endoflevelbaddie’, VJ ‘EyeSaw’ drummer ‘Beat ‘em Up’ and MC ‘Player 1’, they cut a striking image in anonymous masks.”

Also cutting a ‘striking image’ was silver-haired shape thrower, Graham, who can be seen below having it large:

Guido approves.

Bye Bye Blue Boar: Intercontinental OUT of Westminster

westminster

After opening with much fanfare in late 2012, the Intercontinental Hotel in Westminster attempted to establish itself as the place to be for politcos. After some initial success it’s now full of lobbyists eating overpriced food and looking over their shoulder in case someone interesting passes through, which is a rarity these days. Well, Guido hears the Intercontinental group have had enough and are throwing in the towel…

Hilton will be taking over the running of things, and the plan is that it will become a Conrad branded venture. Guido’s advice would be sort out the Blue Boar. It’s dark, soul-less and the food is not up scratch for that price. The wine list is expensive and so dull, and the service has become sloppy. Lighten it all up a bit; gut the entire bar and restaurant and then start again. Aim a little lower in price and who knows… it might work. All change at the end of August. See ya.

Sally’s Pass Pal Claimed to be ‘Agent’ and ‘Miliband Adviser’Mystery Over Farah Sasson’s Donation and Access Grows

The row over Bercow’s donation/pass mystery is escalating. Tory MP Simon Burns has weighed in:

“I do not quite see why at the request of the wife of the Speaker a friend should be given a pass to the House of Commons – in that they are not usually given to MPs’ friends. It makes it look rather difficult for the Speaker when he then receives a rather nice cheque for his election campaign – and leaves him open to criticism and questions.”

David Morris MP tells Guido this morning that Farah Sassoon introduced herself to him on the Commons Terrace as ‘an adviser to Ed Miliband’ saying she advised the Labour leader ‘on all sorts of things’. Another Tory MP, speaking on the condition of anonymity for now, says that on a separate occasion Ms Sassoon claimed to be Sally Bercow’s agent. If this is true it adds a rather unsavoury commercial angle to why she has been allowed unfettered access to Parliamentary estate. Who is this mysterious character, and to what end is she really using this pass?

Whether she’s a friend, a Labour adviser, or Sally’s agent , the line from the Speaker that this is all dandy does not hold water. Crucially, Bercow’s spokesman dodged the question of whether proper advice was sought before he accepted a donation from this mysterious business woman. Even if there is an innocent explanation, as an example to all MPs, the Speaker must be whiter than white. Yet each day brings new questions…

Where is the Outrage at David Ruffley?

Guido has tried to warn the Tories, and the world, about David Ruffley’s anger management problems before, reporting on his “obnoxious” behaviour towards staff leading to bright-eyed hopefuls leaving his office in floods of tears. Let’s not forget the lawsuits and the rumours of throwing bins at staff.

And so it came pass, when it emerged over the weekend that Ruffley has accepted a police caution for domestic violence, admitting to assaulting his then girlfriend in March of this year. What is the world coming to when one Tory MP faces a lynch mob and condemnation from the Prime Minister and thousands of others for an ill-advised hypothetical joke tweet, but another Tory MP, who accepts a caution for assaulting a woman, faces no action from his party?

Liberty Online: Live Stream of Guido at #Liberty2014

A post-three bottle lunch Guido has strolled down to the CPS conference. Tune in at 18:30:

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie! Hic, hic, hic!

What Has the Speaker Got Against the Kennington Tandoori?

Box office advertising for Westminster’s curry house of choice at PMQs earlier, as the Speaker interrupted the PM once again, by claiming: “when you’re eating curry in Kennington Tandoori you don’t yell across the table.” As a witness to many a rowdy night south of the river, Guido is not too sure about that. A co-conspirator writes:

“Last time I went to Kennington Tandoori I saw Bercow in there on his own.”

Maybe that’s what he has against it. 

Farage Drowns His Sorrows at the Newark Count

Despite his Maltese hangover, Nigel Farage was back on the Malbec at the Newark count:

Taking it down a notch or two from his jet-set partying earlier in the week.[…]

+ READ MORE +

MPs Want to End Cheap Beer for Our Boys Taliban Tory Soubry Wants Troops’ Beer Prices Raised

In 1944, at the height of the Second World War, Winston Churchill famously defended the right of Britain’s war heroes to enjoy a pint:

Make sure that the beer – four pints a week – goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop.

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Crystal Methodist Thanks BBC for Newsnight Fawning

Having been charged with drug offences this morning, the renowned gak-fiend Reverend Flowers lavished praise on the BBC for giving him such an easy ride when he appeared on Newsnight:

“There is a phrase for some people, they call them vultures, and I really do hope that somebody quotes me on that, especially the BBC.

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Sexminster Exposed


A Channel 4 News investigation finds that one in three people working in the sleazy booze-fuelled world of Westminster have experienced some form of sexual harassment at the hands of pervy MPs. One in five had witnessed some other poor young staffer being sexually harassed and over half said they had first or second-hand experience of hands-on politicians.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Nigel Evans Cleared of Rape and Sexual Assault No Immediate Restoration of Tory Whip

Evans was led from the dock in tears as local supporters and friends in the gallery erupted into cheers.

Not guilty on eight counts. 

UPDATE: The Guardian are withering in their destruction of the CPS case against Evans:

“The prosecution case against Nigel Evans, the former Commons deputy speaker, began to fall apart as soon as his accusers entered the witness box.

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Hacks Dry, While Bullingdon Boy Dimbers is on the Bolly

Bullingdon Boy David Dimbleby is already on the Bollinger, while the mere plebs in the Spin Room will apparently be left dry for tonight’s BBC Europe debate. Beeb cuts are biting deep for all but a few privileged old timers.

In light of this tragic news, Guido is planning on pre-gaming in the bar of the Langham Hotel opposite Broadcasting House from about 5.30:

It’s a convenient location, if a little pricey.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Save the Boozy Westminster Lunch

This week’s Spectator Life covers the increasingly insidious tendency to forego alcohol in the middle of the day in SW1:

“As the partitions came down and the chinos came in, American bank practices have spread from the City, down Fleet Street and have even reached Westminster.

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Eric Joyce Fined £1,500 Over Airport Fracas Ordered to Pay £100 to Worker He Abused

Eric Joyce has pleaded guilty to abusive behaviour and been fined £1,500 over last May’s incident at Edinburgh airport. He also has to pay the airport worker he abused a hundred quid over an incident sources close to Joyce described to Guido as:

“Left phone on plane, went to bloke at BA counter saying ‘any chance of getting my phone back before the plane turns around & goes back to London?’ Bloke said words to the effect of ‘No, I’m busy’.

[…]

+ READ MORE +



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George Osborne paraphrases Boris, telling the FT:

“If the ball came loose at the back of the scrum, I wouldn’t fumble it”

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