Ed Insists on Privacy for Pre-Xmas Turkey Eating Rehearsal

It’s the talk of Hognaston, Derbyshire. You’ll never guess who was in the Red Lion on Friday… Only that Ed Miliband!

Most of the regulars would have missed the Labour leader rehearsing how to eat a turkey lunch in the run up to Christmas, due to the fact that his party insisted on privacy. “It was only a couple of waitresses who knew he was here, which is what they wanted,” says Tony Waterall, the owner of the pub. “He didn’t want people looking at him or for there to be any confrontation.”

Given Ed’s previous well publicised masticatory gaffes, you can understand why he now insists on dining closed doors. But panic not, as ever, Guido provides an artistic recreation of the moment the turkey tucked into the turkey.

ITN Girl’s Sambuca’d Pirouettes in Central Lobby

sambuca-d-Sarah-Vaughan-Bro

Guessing Sarah Vaughan-Brown, ITN’s Communications Director, won’t be feeling so very right this morning…

UPDATE: The morning after the night before…

Blogging May Be Light This Morning…

… As Guido is nursing his hangover from last night’s readers’ party. His memory is slightly hazy, but there are a few things he can remember, remember from this fifth of November’s gunpowder treason and plot…

As the sun set in Westminster, one mysterious figure was spotted heading towards parliament wheeling behind him a suspicious looking barrel:

… As co-conspirators studied plans of parliament in the cellar of the Red Lion:

There was a heavy police presence:

While Boris was the star turn at Guido’s awards party two weeks back, last night Jo Johnson followed his brother:

Either Guido had a bizarre dream, or outside Vivienne Westwood was turned away by the cops. No hippies allowed.

It was the kind of party where the high priests of privatisation from the Adam Smith Institute were arguing amiably over a drink with the Cooperative Party’s policy gurus. Guido’s favourite moment was Miliband’s policy guru Lord (Stewart) Wood and Labour’s head of spin Bob Roberts walking into the crowd of co-conspirators and bolting when asked for selfies. See you next year…

Remember, Remember…

Join us tonight to celebrate 10 years of Guido, downstairs at the Red Lion from 6pm. A load of drunks in a cellar on November 5, what could possibly go wrong…

Guido Co-Conspirators Drinks Invitation Going Out Tonight

gf10-readers-drinks-tease

We’re having a drinks party for co-conspirators, this Wednesday, which not uncoincidentally is November Fifth. Guidogram subscribers will get the invitation tonight, and numbers are limited. Guido is putting £1,000 behind the bar…

You can subscribe to the Guidogram here. Alcohol in a cellar in Westminster on November Fifth? What could go wrong…

Shepherd’s Buy: Tory Lobbyist Swoops for Westminster Lunch Spot

There were lamentations across Westminster when the once great lunch spot Shepherd’s shut down last year after going down the pan. Well, it’s back! With caveats. Public Affairs News reports Tory spin merchant Lionel Zetter has bought the lease and the name, saying “I want to resurrect Shepherds and take it back to its best: superb food, great service, an elegant ambience and a discreet environment”. It used to be lobbyists just picking up the tab, now they’ve picked up the whole damn building…

Snouts In The Trough

  • Tian of crab, king prawns with keta caviar and crème fraiche.
  • Elderflower sorbet drizzled with Champagne.
  • Herb crusted rack of Elwy lamb, butterbean purée with ratatouille.
  • Warm chocolate fondant with vanilla ice cream.
  • Coffee and Truffles.
  • DRINKS.

WINES:

  • Simonet-Febvre, Chablis 2011
  • l’Espirit de Bellevue, St Emillion 2011

Twitter Hashtag #GF10

POLL: Who’s Right, Peter Oborne or Craig Oliver?

Peter Oborne went on Newsnight on Wednesday to express a rarely vocalised view in Westminster, namely that Craig Oliver is a “particularly grubby individual”:

No.10’s Super Spinner has responded in a letter published by Ephraim Hardcastle this morning, accusing Oborne of being drunk:

Dear Peter

I just wanted to check you are OK. Some BBC people have been on to me worried you were a bit tired and emotional last night.

Let me know if I can help.

Best wishes,

Craig Oliver.

To which Peter replies:

“I am absolutely astonished that an official working for the Prime Minister would use such terminology. It is offensive and inaccurate. I hope that when he has taken time to consider it he’ll withdraw these remarks which are unworthy of a Downing Street Director of Communications.”

Who was right?

Let the people decide…

Oi, Ed, Shut Up You SlaaaaagVOTE: Who is More In Touch: Boy George or Danny Dyer?

Who is more in touch with public opinion: Boy George or Danny Dyer?

In scenes reminiscent of Malcolm Tucker’s Zeitgeist tapes in the Thick of It, Ed Miliband revealed to Danny Dyer at the Attitude awards this week that he “researches” Eastenders online to keep up to date, even though he doesn’t watch the show.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Lovers Re-Unite-ed: Red Len’s Late Night Re-Union

The last time Guido asked Len McCluskey about his relationship with Jennie Formby, Unite political director and the mother of his lovechild, he got very tetchy. Guido is sure, therefore, that there is nothing at all untoward about eyewitness reports of Jennie and Red Len gazing into each other’s eyes over multiple drinks in the Feather’s pub, SW1 late last night.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Huge Tory Swing in Bath

Carpet-bagging wannabe MP and renowned bon viveur Ben Howlett has been getting to know his constituency, sampling the delights of Bath’s night-life. These photos were taken at the Po Na Na club, which Guido can confirm from personal experience is a dive.[…]

+ READ MORE +

RED ON RED: Dirty Tricks Against ‘Alcoholic’ Labour PPCFake Leaflet of Candidate Snorting Sambuca With Hospital Tube

The Labour Party candidate selection process in Ashton Under-Lyme very nearly descended into all out war last month, with accusations flying of dirty tricks to get trade union pilgrim Angela Rayner selected. Unison heavies, with the help of senior Labour MPs like Andrew ‘shouty’ Gwynne, won in the end, but that is not to say that the local tension has gone away.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Mark Reckless Defects to UKIP

A dream for headline writers everywhere. On the eve of Tory conference Mark Reckless has defected to UKIP.

He was denying it less than 24 hours ago, but the clues were there in the Iraq vote:

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Guido Had a Bizarre Dream Last Night…

…that he was down the Rover’s Return on Coronation Street when this vaguely familiar face came in and stared at him from the other end of the bar:

Then Guido stumbles out and bumps into Len McCluskey, before having an awkward moment with Owen Jones.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Gareth Can't Decide Between Yellow and Red

Poor due diligence from Labour speechwriters on Gareth from IT, the man Ed spent a large portion of his speech talking about meeting. It turns out he voted LibDem at the last election. Here he is unable to decide between yellow and red:

‘Elizabeth’, another of the many people who have met Ed Miliband and gone on to feature in his speeches, meanwhile says she is keeping an open mind about who she is voting for next year.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Ed Balls Gangnam Style

Disturbing new photos have emerged of Ed Balls at Labour’s annual diversity party last night. The Standard reports:

“Host Keith Vaz stole the show by donning sunglasses for last night’s dance marathon, where two belly-dancers tied their bright sashes around the MP as they gyrated either side of him… Chuka Umunna, Harriet Harman, Sadiq Khan, Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper were among those showing off their moves at the event, which saw confetti fall from the ceiling as Gangnam Style was repeated at the end.”

What kind of monster wears sunglasses inside? […]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

George Osborne paraphrases Boris, telling the FT:

“If the ball came loose at the back of the scrum, I wouldn’t fumble it”

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