Founder of the right-wing Cornerstone group John Hayes, 52,  is certainly a lively addition to the green benches, but it seems his agent is even more of a party animal. Craig Jackson was denied bail this morning and held on charges of kidnap and possession of dope. According to the local paper in his South Holland and the Deepings constituency, there was an incident involving a man in his fifties on Sunday night.  What could have tipped him over the edge?

This is Courtney Love, newly elected as Oxford University Conservative Association’s ’Non-Executive Officer for Rock and Roll’. She was elected to her position tonight after an evening of drinking, in this instance the teen spirit was port. Courtney contributed to the OUCA Port & Policy debate calling for a foreign policy based on morality and said Wikileaks was a step forward for democracy. She is pictured above twirling Winston Churchill’s cane and below with the Vivienne Westwood clad president-elect, Joe Cooke. Appropriate for Conservative caners…

He says, she says, the wife says, the daughters disagree. It is all in the Mail today. Everyone comes out fighting and badly…

Nadine says:

• “As the pub door opened, he was framed in the light, and as we looked at each other I realised that for the first time we were looking at each other in a different way.’”
• “I was both saddened and dismayed to discover I have been labelled a ‘home-wrecker’”
• “She confided in me… that she had been seeing a man, an Australian, without John’s knowledge, and was contemplating returning with him to Adelaide.”
• “I have no idea what will happen to John and me. We have only had a handful of dates… I hope Rachael and I can one day become friends again and she may understand it wasn’t me who wrecked her marriage. Until she does realise this, she will be unable to accept the real reason and seek the professional help she so desperately needs.”

He says:

• “My decision to leave Rachael was taken separately from that to enter a relationship with Nadine.”

The Wife says:

• “I told her I still loved him and wanted to make it work. After what she’s done, I can’t believe I used to trust her.”
• “What they’ve said is all lies… They claim not to have begun their affair until we were separated and they say that happened in December. That’s not true…”
  
• “I was suspicious for months, because he started to go out to the local pub, the Eight Bells, a lot, dressed smartly in trousers and a shirt, and sometimes wouldn’t come back until 2am.”
• “She presents herself as being so moral, but my husband is married and I believe she set out to get him, probably for his money. ’He has an aeroplane, gyrocopter, three motorbikes, a flat in Oxford and this house. But if we divorce, I will take him for every penny. I’m going to name her in the divorce to publicly shame her for what she’s done. I don’t think she should be an MP any more – she should resign.”

His daughter says:

• “Mum and Dad splitting up has nothing to do with Nadine. My mother has been absolutely horrible to my father. ’She has been in decline for years, spending most of her time in the pub and drinking two bottles of wine a day at home.”

Other daughter says:

• “I am not against my father having an affair. But I am against the person he is having an affair with. I’ve never had a good relationship with Nadine Dorries.”

James Macintyre denies he was fired from the The New Statesman as Guido revealed yesterday. That’s not what the more than one source* from the Staggers said however, despite their “amicable departure“ statement. Though one source did say to go easy as he was a little “fragile”.  James claims he has left to write a book. Presumably fiction…

*Double sourcing, if only Macintyre had.

Here’s a line Guido has been waiting to write for a long time - the New Statesman’s James Macintyre has been fired.

As regular readers will know Guido has had a less than cordial relationship with the thirsty sidekick of Derek Draper. There are two different versions of events as to what happened after the Statesman’s Labour Party Conference bash. Macintyre claims he was mugged on the way home, but witnesses say he was paralytic. Either way he didn’t wake up with his work laptop or phone. He was put on leave, but has now finally been shown the door after months of humiliating errors and dud stories.

In honour of his departure Guido thought he would list of some James’s Greatest Hits:

How can anyone forget when he called Michael Kaminski, the current leader the Tory ECR group of MEPs, a neo-nazi, on camera? Or when he accused the whole Conservatives of being institutionally racist? What about that time he got the Staggers sued for some serious cash by Daniel Hannan for equally outrageous claims?

There have also been some fantastic quotes from the widely respected journalist. By far the greatest must be those that showed his incredible foresight:

“With a few exceptions, the dark briefings by ministers against other ministers within Labour went away with the departure from Number Ten of Tony Blair”

He was destroyed by the Tory bloggers during the election after making up a story about them based on a menu he found. He also called the election for Labour:

“a small overall majority for Labour is the most likely outcome”

Guido has had some hilarious run ins, such as the time young James accused him of working for the Intelligence Services. Guido was particularly proud of of his put down.

Who could forget the his email chain with his former “close friend” Derek Draper about the cuteness of boys and girls, and the drunken denial of an unasked question at Tory Conference in Manchester 2008:

“I did not have sex with Derek Draper”

One of the final straws that broke the camel’s back must have been his calling of the Labour leadership for Diane Abbott. Presumably post lunch.

It is not known at this time whether he has finally got that job he coveted so much with Ed Miliband…

The rumour going round conference about two MPs in a punch up are a little wide of the mark, but things certainly got heated in the Hyatt bar at around 2 in the morning. What is clear is that Chris Pincher, MP for Tamworth had to rescue fellow MP andwhip Marc Francois who was being collared and shoved by the new MP for Hendon Matthew Offord. In the fracas Francois’ lanyard was torn from his neck. Offord had been drinking scotch…

Not the best career move, but allegedly a woman was involved. It’s all denials this morning but three separate witnesses have remarkably similar stories…

To Liverpool’s Gusto restaurant on Tuesday night where the great and good of the BBC political team were loudly dining. Guido’s scouser eyes and ears spotted the full house of  Nick Robinson, Laura Kuenssberg, Jon Sopel and James Landsdale.

Having told  the waiter that he couldn’t drink anymore because he had to go to work, Robinson darted out at 9.50 to do his piece for the 10 o’clock news, but not before speaking with Laura, furiously scribbling down what she said. 10 minutes later her phone rings and she leapt up and went outside. Apparently it was Nick on the phone asking what he should say, hic, again…

The combination of a hangover and Clegg seems to have got the better of Charles Kennedy. Citing a “late train” he pulled out of various events yesterday and was nowhere to be seen at this morning’s Guardian fringe event. And now thanks to the irreplaceable EyeSpy.MP we learn that Charlie boy is already on the way back to London without sticking around for a his leader’s speech. Hardly a ringing endorsement…

While she may be getting regular slots on Sky News and the Today program, “freelance journalist and Labour Party activist” Sally Bercow must know she has really made it when Chinese news channels are animating her colourful past…

Can anyone translate?

Fraser Nelson writes of Charlie Kennedy…

“With most of his LibDem mates in government, he’s run out of drinking partners. So he ends up getting all maudlin with Labour MPs. I’m told that the “talks” with Labour are 2 a.m. moans. And that the only defection being considered is from Glenfiddich to Glenmorangie. Kennedy is a gifted, articulate politician who didn’t apply himself. If he’s going to cross the floor, he needs to be able to do it in a straight line.”