Red, Red, Whine: Greek MEP Moans About Half Hour Plonk Wait

MEPs on the Brussels gravy train have been treated to a revamped gourmet catering service. The new menu features delights such as ‘Chavignol crottin cheese with bacon, thyme and honey’ for a starter, followed by ‘Striploin limousin with roquefort sauce’ and then ‘Chocolate moelleux with salted butter’ for dessert.

menu

Though not everyone is satisfied.

Greek MEP Eleni Theocharous fired off a lengthy complaint airing her grave concerns about the quality of service, copying in the entire MEP mailing list for good measure:

“I hope that the new provider will principally give priority to the food quality and to the service. What we need is good quality food, fresh and clean ingredients, no processed, conserved food. Speaking for the MEPs Restaurant, many times most of the buffets suggestions are harshly recognisable and sometimes with no taste at all. Gourmet kitchen is excellent but not at the expense of quality. Simpler is better… and healthier!”

Going on to moan about suffering an appalling thirty minute wait for a glass of vino:

“As for the service, most of the personnel is kind and they try their best, but especially at the MEPs Restaurant, the provider has to hire more people. We are people on the run all the time, we have little time to eat and many times we use this restaurant for professional reasons. We cannot wait for a glass of wine or a dish for 30 minutes…”

Lucky Greece doesn’t have any more pressing demands at the minute…

Who Squealed?

The hunt is on to find out which current Tory MP and contemporary of Dave at Oxford squealed. Guido makes no allegations about any of those listed below for information purposes only…

  • Michael Gove: He was a gossipy young wannabe journalist at the time and enjoyed a wild university experience himself. Most famously Gove was accused in the Cherwell student newspaper of participating in a “five-in-a-bed romp” while president of the Oxford Union debating society.
  • Rory Stewart: According to lifelong friend Felix Martin, Rory was a leading member of the Piers Gaveston Society”, the debauched Oxford club at which Dave allegedly did the deed. A few years younger than the future PM, though…
  • Boris Johnson: A former Buller man and also reportedly an alumnus of Piers Gaveston, Boris was famously snapped with Dave in the picture they tried to ban. Is there another more revealing photo in existence?
  • Ed Vaizey: Was at Oxford at the same time as Dave, where he was known as “Tubby Teddy” or “Fat Eddie“. Like Dave, also one of the Notting Hill set.
  • Mark Field: Two years above Cameron, the Tory backbencher was news editor of Cherwell and renowned for his own youthful exuberance. When he ended his term as Junior Common Room president, Field apparentlyran round the college quad between the strokes of midnight singing the Red Flag, naked except for a pair of boxer shorts, his bare skin coated in baby oil“.
  • Mark Harper: A couple of years below Dave, Harper is a fellow Brasenose College alumnus, and was another PPEist. Now Cameron’s chief whip…
  • Nick Boles: A year older than Cameron at Oxford, where he was a young Tory activist and another Notting Hill setter.

So, whodunnit?

Pic via @GeneralBoles

#PigGate #SnoutRage: Internet Reacts

According to Lord Ashcroft and a single-source unnamed Tory MP, David Cameron placed “a private part of his anatomy” into a dead pig’s mouth during an initiation at Oxford. This is how the internet responded to the news:

The packed out Lobby briefing this morning is going to be about hamage control…

Burnham ‘Just Checking Out’ Westminster Bubble

There was Guido making his way through the heart of the Westminster bubble last night, when who did he happen to stumble across? Only man of t’people Andy Burnham, posing for photos outside the Westminster Arms, the definitive core of the SW1 bubble. What on earth was an outsider like Andy doing at the very epicentre of the metropolitan elite? “I just thought I’d come and check out the bubble,” he told Guido.

Burnham was in a bullish mood about his chances last night, telling Guido “we can still do it” and insisting that second preferences meant he was the only candidate who can stop Corbyn. Of course Cooper’s people say the same about her. Keen to quickly get away from the bubble, Andy rejected the offer of a pint from a supporter and made his exit… to his flat less than a mile away in Kennington…

Osborne Mocks Labour Contest: “I’ve Got Three More Votes Left to Cast”

George Osborne just about recovered from his 2011 w*nker joke faux pas to land the coveted GQ Politician of the Year award at the Royal Opera House last night.

Westminster style icon Osborne was presented the award by his friend Bob Geldof, who revealed he personally called the Chancellor the day before to give him an ear-bashing about the refugee crisis. George’s gags were much better received this time, including an obligatory dig at the Labour leadership contest:

“The Labour leadership contest hasn’t got long to go and I’ve got three more votes left to cast”

Piers certainly enjoyed it…

The ever-svelte Osborne had a whole table sorted for his top Treasury team, though they quickly slipped off before the after party for prettier guests. GQ Politician of the Year 2016: Jezza Corbyn and his vest…?

Corbynistas Plan to ‘Drink Blood of Thatcher’

Jeremy Corbyn’s supporters will be partying like it’s 1983 at the Speakeasy Bar in Epping tomorrow night. The Corbyn campaign is sponsoring an official ‘Cocktails for Corbyn‘ bash, offering drinks such as “Dianne Abbotts” [sic], described as “Champagne Socialist Martinis”, and “Kier Hardie” Old Fashioneds. Also on the menu are “Bloody Margarets“, a rather tasteless reference to the late Lady Thatcher. Only 11 people have RSVP’d so far, seems Essex isn’t a Corbynista heartland. Bloodthirsty Reds…

Corbynistas Already Planning Victory Rally

There might be a month until the ballot closes, but that hasn’t stopped some excitable Corbyn supporters from organising a mass “victory party” for their man on September 12:

Nearly 1,000 people have already signed up to attend the event, which sounds just great:

Will they be flying the red flag through the streets of London, or are they a tad premature?

Hop-ocalypse Now: Beer Would Run Out in Corbyn’s Britain

Bitter Blairite critics say the Draught Corbyn campaign couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewey, and the evidence from Venezuela suggests this is not hop-perbole. The socialist paradise is running out of beer after its main brewer was forced to shut because of a lack of imported barley:

“Members of some of the dozens of unions representing Polar workers have limited distribution of the small bottles of light beer that are favored in Venezuela.”

With Chavista Jez still a-head in the polls, his team will at the very yeast need to craft a careful response and not just dismiss this as froth. Let this be an amber warning to Corbyn supporters…

Wintour is Coming… To Serve the Beverages

plane

It sounds like Guardian Pol Ed Patrick Wintour enjoyed flying with the PM back from Asia. The Speccie have the inside story from 35,000 feet:

“Wintour – who appeared to be enjoying the champagne on offer – decided the time

[…]

+ READ MORE +

End of an Era…

End of an error, more like…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Blogging May Be Light…

anchorman

It’s Neo-Guido’s leaving lunch this afternoon.

Guido will be drowning his sorrows down the pub later, come buy him a Guinness. Usual place…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Rain on Dave’s Parade

The PM brought back up to his summer bash for Peroni-guzzling Lobby hacks last night, but it was the weather that rained on his parade – literally. As damp Tory leadership contenders worked the thinning lawn of the Downing Street […]

+ READ MORE +



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