Arena Flowers wins for their outstanding effort at shoehorning Rev Flowers into a promotional offer. Promo code “crystalmethodist”…
Rev Flowers has been nicked as Labour’s Co-op embarrassment makes the front pages once again this morning. By far Guido’s favourite story of the day however is this little gem found by the Sun, who have got hold of Facebook messages written by Flowers in which he lusts over a certain party loving Labour frontbencher:
Thank god he didn’t favourite anything on Twitter…
Considering the aggregate of recent events Stephen Brine enjoyed quite a range of options with which to open the Government batting at PMQs. He said: “The nightmare of my disbelief at the Opposition Leader’s gay-porn male prostitute front bench million pounds for hard working mums and dads against Ed Miliband’s Welfare party on amphetamines?”
The Prime Minister agreed that there were questions for Labour to answer, about who knew what when, why, whither and who in the Labour party had put the meth in Methodist.
“Edward Miliband!” the Speaker called in such an impartial way that a stress fracture broke out in his forehead.
Ed Miliband rose to speak for the children of Chipping Norton. They were having their Children’s Centre closed. “Children’s lives are being destroyed by the Conservative cost of living crisis,” he said. “Heartbreak soldiers pride in British children with a fair wage, without VAT tax evading fraudsters pouring money into the Conservative party because their leader is a LOSER!”
The Prime Minister handled it with ease and some asperity. “What he doesn’t say, because he’s pathetic, is that now there’ll be one fewer set of school gates where Labour donors can peddle crack cocaine!”
That played into Ed Miliband’s line of attack: “I think we have established that the out of touch Prime Minister just doesn’t understand that the price of crack cocaine now puts it totally beyond the reach of squeezed children who are being forced into coke banks by pay day Tories!”
George Osborne heckled: “Shove it up your forearm with a turkey baster, you sick, bent, rent boys!”
Visibly deflated, the Opposition leader concluded his attack with, “What he has shown today is that he has no answers!”
“I may not have answers,” the Prime Minister laughed, “but you don’t have any questions.”
“Touché,” all sides cried and repaired behind the Speaker’s Chair where the crack pipes are kept.
Note. Reconstruction. Dialogue may not represent actual dialogue. Steve Coogan appeared as David Cameron and Johnny Vegas as Ed Balls. Ed Miliband was played by himself.
It was all banter, mate.
Cameron declared that he was only joking when he accused Michael Meacher of being on mind altering substances. Something the PM and Chancellor would know all about.
Dave admitted he smoked pot and has never denied taking cocaine, even when he was asked whether he took it after he was elected. When asked by Alex Thomson of Channel Four News, all he confirmed was he hadn’t snorted since 2001:
AT: “If you were asked have you ever taken class A drugs as an MP, would you answer that question?”
DC: “I have always said that lawmakers cannot be lawbreakers. All I have said about my past, though, is that what is private in the past should remain private.”
AT: “If I asked you if you’d snorted cocaine as an MP, you’d therefore say No, wouldn’t you?”
DC: “That’s right, but please, I mean, I think we’ve dealt with this issue…”
AT: “So that’s ‘No’?”
DC: “I’ve absolutely answered your question.”
AT: “Say No.”
DC: “I’ve just said No.”
AT: “Thank you. Right. We can move on.”
That’s a rather extended “normal university experience”.
Labour have this afternoon suspended coke-snorting Rev Flowers from the party.
Since they are taking such a tough line, Guido wonders if there is a precedent for such action against known cocaine users?
The crystal meth-smoking banking boss and Balls ally claimed:
‘…a Labour MP had passed him in the corridors and said, “Have you got a touch of the old Colombian flu?”’
Can anyone sniff out who is the alert Labour MP who was clearly on the ball?
You had to wonder what they were smoking over at the Co-op, and now you know. It was crystal meth…
Ed Balls did not have a very good weekend either. Not only was he publicly described as a “nightmare” by Team Miliband (albeit accidentally), the Shadow Chancellor would have been sweating about the Co-op story. Doing all that gear after his Select Committee appearance was not the only bad life choice that Rev Flowers has made recently. As the Telegraph reported at the beginning of the month:
“Rev Flowers confirmed he had been involved in authorising the payment of £100,000 to Mr Balls and his Parliamentary office, though he said the money had come from the Co-op Group and not the Co-op Bank as the lender was “politically neutral”.”
What was it that first attracted this coke snorting, meth buying, fiscally incompetent cluster of a banking boss to Ed Balls? And lets not forget that Labour owe the Co-op millions. You have to have a heart of stone not to laugh.
Mail on Sunday scoop in full here. You had to wonder what they were smoking at the Co-Op, and now we know…
“Oh and the last thing was Olivia Gondek, it says it says that I wanted to eat her pussy. Olivia Gondek, I’ve never said that in my life to her. I would never do that. I’m happily married. I’ve got
Eventually Osborne’s friendship with Natalie Rowe comes to an end, with her claiming she met his then fiancée:
My pregnancy also changed the dynamics between me and my three musketeers. George became quite caring towards me. It was
More from Natalie Rowe’s book. Here is what she alleges the Chancellor’s set were up to in the early 90s:
“All the boys had the hots for coke fiend Peggy, she was so much fun and up for anything, even