Chuka Boasts of Mystery Girlfriend

The Shadow Business Secretary and closet DJ Chuka Umunna has been boasting about what good mates he is with Tinie Tempah: “Tinie and I are friends, we go way back,” he told the Standard at a party: “We’re both Nigerian, both from south London. He’s from Peckham, I’m Streatham.” He even got a hug from the rapper later.

It was party boy Chuka’s chat with City AM’s diarist that really caught Guido’s attention though. Apparently Chuka prefers staying in now:

“I love watching Gogglebox with my girlfriend.”

A shocking revelation… What is it about Gogglebox’s constant laying into Ed Miliband that Chuka enjoys the most?

10 Illiberal Policies of the LibDems

Nick Clegg, that bastion of liberalism, is going around blaming David Cameron’s illiberal policies for the deaths of drug users this morning. Even a LibDem voter on an acid trip could see through Clegg’s conversion to a fearless crusader for the cause of freedom. This is the same Nick Clegg whose party wants to tax fizzy drinks more, tax booze more, change the definition of cider so they can tax it more, ban branding on fag packets, ban houses that are not zero carbon, ban smoking in cars, ban smoking in pubs and restaurants, ban petrol and diesel cars, implement state regulation of the press and regulate goldfish. What would Gladstone say?

Dave the Rave: Tories Launch Ibiza Branch

Chuka Umunna is not the only politico on Ibiza this summer. The Tories have just launched their own Balearic branch of Conservatives Abroad:

“Ibiza is renowned for attracting the world’s party people and last week was no exception as Conservatives Abroad launched its latest new branch  – Conservatives Abroad Ibiza. Overlooking the secluded bay of Porroig, residents and visitors mingled in the beautiful home and gardens of Charlie and Louise Bracken for cocktails and canapes, generously sponsored by Ibiza-Southerbys.”

How long before Ed Vaizey jets out for a fundraiser?

Anarchists, Trots and Anti-Zionist Loonies Protest Fracking

The people of Blackpool have today been besieged by anti-fracking wackos in need of a wash. No Dash for Gas like to present themselves as local, normal “mothers and grandmothers…wearing aprons,” who just want to make a polite point about shale gas. They’re spinning harder than a drill working its way through the Lancashire landscape. 

The programme for today’s ‘Reclaim the Power’ protest camp lists a series of workshops including “An introduction to anarchism and anarchist organising”, legal training from the anarchist Green and Black Cross movement, and a PCS union talk on “reclaiming unions”. Attendees can also listen to the advice of delegates from Occupy London, the Polish anarcho-syndicalist Workers’ Initiative and the Squash campaign to decriminalise squatting.

Among the camp’s supporters are Ewa Jasiewicz, a Polish Palestine solidarity activist who wrote on the Reclaim the Power Facebook page: “please come share a bevvy with me and talk more BDS… Ahlan wa sahlan, see you tonight!!” Past attendees include David Icke wannabe Ian Crane, who reckons: “The socio-psychopathic ZIONIST Government of Israel is deliberately fuelling the wave of global anti-jewish sentiment, in a bit to FORCE the diaspora out of their host countries and move to IsraHELL.” And Tom Palmer, who at a protest last week requested: “need some people to bring speed (or some other uppers) though and paraffin for fire poi and a guita (sic)”Just your usual mothers and grandmothers wearing aprons, then…

Baker Junks Junkie Junket

Someone at the Home Office must have been having a laugh at Norman Baker’s expense when they organised for him to go to the V-Festival this weekend to “up the profile” of legal highs. Baker today announced that he is lobbying Jeremy Hunt to consider legalising pot for medicinal purposes, but the party-loving LibDem won’t be getting off his face on Benzo Fury or Black Mamba at the taxpayer’s expense somewhere in a field in Chelmsford. Baker tells Guido:

“It was suggested to me by officials that it might send a good message both to festival organisers and those who attend if I could up the profile of these untested highs, which are dangerous for young people. As it happens, I will be in France on holiday with my wife so no, I won’t be attending.”

Guido has every sympathy…

Tory MP Graham Stuart Raving Video Emerges

Well one Tory MP  is having a mental recess. Gurning Graham Stuart spent his Saturday night at the Humber Street Sesh with monged out fellow revellers dancing to Endoflevelbaddie. For those of you not aquainted with the four piece dance collective: “With the best name in the history of music, Endoflevelbaddie hail from, well, another galaxy probably”:

“Endoflevelbaddie combine massive production, slick visuals, sharp lyrics and a live show second to none. With producer ‘Endoflevelbaddie’, VJ ‘EyeSaw’ drummer ‘Beat ‘em Up’ and MC ‘Player 1’, they cut a striking image in anonymous masks.”

Also cutting a ‘striking image’ was silver-haired shape thrower, Graham, who can be seen below having it large:

Guido approves.

GOLD: These Were His Salad Days

“Remember we were partners in crime…”

Osborne Hooker Arrested After Tweeting “Off His Trolley” Photo

Two days ago Natalie Rowe, the former dominatrix who claims to have done cocaine with Osborne, tweeted this previously unseen photo of a young George:

Her tweets were increasingly hysterical and from her timeline she appears to be having some kind of episode. Today she was arrested for unrelated “abusive behaviour” on the King’s Road last Thursday:

One for the conspiracy theorists. Rowe’s home was raided by the cops after she announced she would be revealing all in a book last year…

Lobby Snorts at Labour Lawbreaker Line

One question has been buzzing around today:

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Crystal Methodist Pleads Guilty

Rev Flowers has pleaded guilty to possession of cocaine, methyl amphetamine and ketamine at Leeds Magistrates Court. He has been fined £525. Or 6 Gs as he would call it.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Friday Caption Contest (Lines to Take Edition)

When David Axelrod met his future colleague Tom Baldwin, then the Times’ Washington correspondent. Captions in the comments please…

Via @laurapitel

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Crystal Methodist Thanks BBC for Newsnight Fawning

Having been charged with drug offences this morning, the renowned gak-fiend Reverend Flowers lavished praise on the BBC for giving him such an easy ride when he appeared on Newsnight:

“There is a phrase for some people, they call

[…]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Andy Burnham finally repents on the deficit…

“If we are to win back trust we have to start by admitting that we should not have been running a significant deficit in the years before the crash.”

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