Friday, April 18, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Lines to Take Edition)

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Crystal Methodist Thanks BBC for Newsnight Fawning

Having been charged with drug offences this morning, the renowned gak-fiend Reverend Flowers lavished praise on the BBC for giving him such an easy ride when he appeared on Newsnight:

“There is a phrase for some people, they call them vultures, and I really do hope that somebody quotes me on that, especially the BBC. The BBC have been really nice to me but the rest of you are vultures.”

He must be very grateful that Newsnight failed to ask him about his use of drugs and rent-boys since he declared himself a changed man…

Monday, March 31, 2014

Chuka Ne Remember Rien

The socialist French government have been showing Chuka Umunna some love, whisking the our two-faced chum across the channel for an all-expenses paid three day visit.

The £4,348 cost of the trip included the services of a translator, which is odd given Chuka boasts on his CV about his degree in English and French Law.

Clearly the year that he spent at the University of Burgundy in Dijon, France did not cut the mustard.

Have all those long nights partying in Ibiza had some sort of negative effect on Chuka’s memory?

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Farage Does Drugs

faragedugs

“Last week, Nick Clegg returned from a trip to South America. Goodness knows what he smoked out there, because he actually made a couple of smart points. First, the so-called War on Drugs isn’t working. Second, we should appoint a royal commission to look into the alternatives. The fact is our current approach to drugs is neither practical nor effective. I strongly believe in promoting individual freedom – but I also strongly believe in reducing the public harm caused by drugs. As a parent as much as a politician, I say we have to accept that current policy has not achieved the reductions in crime or consumption that we’d hoped for. I know he slagged me off in this newspaper yesterday, but on this one I agree with Nick.”

Finally a politician with an interesting line

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Time For Watson to Launch Corrections and Clarifications Page

Oh the beautiful irony. Tom Watson put his X-Box down for ten minutes to have a go at Labour for playing up Ed as a strong leader like Thatcher. ‘It’s highly likely that a spin doctor, working for Ed, chose to persuade people that he really would “Govern like Thatcher”‘ he blogged. Within an hour or so it was a full reverse ferret:

“Tom Baldwin, an adviser to Ed Miliband has been in touch to say: “For the record, I didn’t mention thatcher once in all the lobby briefing around the speech. Truth is, I suspect, they got together and constructed line themselves.”

Perhaps he should have checked his facts before he mixed opinion and news? Time for a due-prominence apology, for sure.

This is not the first time Watson has cocked up like this.

Remember when he accused Guido of selling drugs to George Osborne at a rave?

Or when he had to apologise to Nick Robinson for accusing him of being a Murdoch stooge in his book?

Maybe he should add a permanent corrections and clarifications section to his website, as they’re piling up…

It’s what Brian Leveson would want…

Friday, January 17, 2014

IoD Sniff at Ed’s Big Speech

Unsurprisingly business leaders weren’t impressed with Ed’s speech either. Institute of Directors boss Simon Walker has his say:

“The state has a very poor history of creating competition in banking. The last time the Government told a bank what to do, Lloyds was ordered to sell branches to Rev. Flowers, and we all know how that ended.”

Wounder.

Monday, December 16, 2013

WATCH: The One Where Chandler Meets Peter Hitchens

Thursday, December 5, 2013

WATCH: Highgella: The Movie

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Saatchi Claims Nigella Was “Off Her Head” on Coke

It’s been an open secret that Charles Saatchi has been trying to put around the Nigella coke angle, but her lawyers have been stopping anyone from printing it. Now it’s been said in court:

Saatchi’s friends tell people that is why he was looking up her nose that day…

Image reconstruction.

UPDATE:

This explains so much:

Saturday, November 23, 2013

GALLERY GUIDO: Smear Executive Decided to Smear Labour

We’re making up a Labour smear story.

We’re going for their most cherished example of mutual, collective endeavour. The Co-op. Ethical, modest, decent. Let’s make it go bust through filthy capitalist greed. And let’s get it taken over by US vulture funds who have the power to call in Labour’s loans, but don’t because they act more ethically than the previous management.

But you want more.

Okay, let’s have the outgoing chairman of the ethical bank to be a most complete representative of the Labour movement – a Co-op member for years, a Methodist minister who could be your dad, who gives money to Labour from Co-op funds. How much?

Half a million! Why half a milion? It’s a smear, make it a million!

Let’s have him only being an amateur in banking with no qualifications except “a professional requirement to be charitable”, and he gives a million to the party generally and also smaller donations to – who do we hate most? – Ed Balls.

Let’s get this perfect Labour guy who looks like your dad to give, what’s a really large private sum, fifty thousand pounds to Ed Balls’ office. Perfect.

But you want to have him personally corrupt? Is that really necessary? What, watching porn on his work computer as a Labour councillor? Okay, it’s a Harriet Harman sort of crime but -

You want him to be contracting rent boys? The chairman of the Co-op bank hiring rent boys? I guess it’s not imposs-

You want him to be doing DRUG DEALS? Now it’s too much. What sort of drugs? CRYSTAL METH?

You want him to look like everyone’s father, chair a Labour bank, give money to Labour shadow cabinet names, and be a rent-boy-seeking Labour councilor buying CRYSTAL METH in a car? It’s too much.

Smear-wise it’s beyond anything previously attempted.

More seriously, it will damage the whole smearing industry.


Seen Elsewhere

Even Ed’s Friends Call Him ‘Bad Luck Magnet’ | Mail
BBC: It Was Guido Wot Won It | MediaGuido
Nick Robinson’s Britain First Selfie | Metro
Dyson: Leave German Dominated EU, Join EFTA |
How UKIP Won Rochester | Seb Payne
Labour’s Islington Problem | Harry Phibbs
Ed Lost More Than a By-Election | Labour Uncut
Labour the Biggest Losers in Rochester | Speccie
Thornberry a Gift to Farage | Nick Wood
Is Left Finally Turning Against EU? | Dan Hannan
Labour Votes Going Green | Guardian


Find out more about PLMR AD-MS


Ralph Miliband on the English…

“The Englishman is a rabid nationalist. They are perhaps the most nationalist people in the world.”



Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.


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