Wipe the Smile Off Their Face

When Guido first heard “political” and “loo-roll” in the same sentence he immediately thought of Andrew Slaughter MP. On the 21st Feb 2008 Slaughter charged one pack of twenty-four Double Velvet rolls at £11.89 (+VAT) to the taxpayer. On the 14th April 2008 Slaughter charged another five packs of nine Triple Velvet rolls at £28.45 (+ VAT) to the people. In total that’s seventy-nine loo rolls in fifty-three days, or almost exactly one and half rolls a day.

But that aside Guido has been most amused with a batch of Dave and Gordon loo rolls:

You can treat yourself to the satisfaction of using a mental looking Gordon or a spliff smoking, tail-coated Dave here.

FLASHBACK : Happy Saint Patricks to Irish Dave.

He drinks Guinness you know.  Dave says draught Guinness* in cans “is one of the great inventions of our time “No, really O’Reilly.

According to Debrett’s Peerage, Dave is William IV’s great, great, great, great, great grandson through Elizabeth FitzClarence, the King’s illegitimate daughter, one of at least ten children he had out of wedlock with Dorothy Jordan, an Irish actress from County Waterford, and his long-term mistress, who is in fact Mr Dave’s great, great, great, great, great grandmonther. So, as the lyrics say, “inside Dave, there’s an Irish heart beatin’ “…

*How many cussing plugs do they need before they send a truck load?

Quote of the Day

Melanie Phillips writes

“So this is what the Conservative party has really come to: defining responsibility and ‘doing the right thing’ as not marrying the girl whom a young man gets pregnant but merely moving in with her in order that she can continue to live on benefit.”

Telegraph Digging on Dave's School-days


There are two possible angles to this story, either the cutting edge digital Telegraph team is preparing an attack on Dave using social media to harvest information in the run up to the election. Or given it’s Friday and all, hacks have sunk to new lows in lazy attempts at sniffing out a story. So look out for some inane rumours and anecdotes about Dave’s early days in the next week – you know were they came from now. Heidi Blake looks like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, but perhaps she should have paused to think Dave’s old school chums might be a little more loyal than that.

Top O' the Morning Dave

The Corrigan Brothers had an international hit with There’s no one as Irish as Barack O’Bama, they reckon that swung the election for him. The good news for Dave is that they are swinging behind him as the Irish hope for Prime Minister:

According to Debrett’s Peerage, Dave is William IV’s great, great, great, great, great grandson through Elizabeth FitzClarence, the King’s illegitimate daughter, one of at least ten children he had out of wedlock with Dorothy Jordan, an Irish actress from County Waterford, and his long-term mistress, who is in fact Mr Dave’s great, great, great, great, great grandmonther.  So, as the lyrics say, “inside Dave, there’s an Irish heart beatin’ “…

Via : Paddy Anglican

Quote of the Day

David Cameron said

“If I am Prime Minister and for as long as I would be Prime Minister, I would never take Britain into the euro, full stop, end of story.”

Star Trek's Data : "I'm Ready to Be PM"

Via Mike Rouse, Guido learns that Brent Spiner the American actor who plays Star Trek’s Data has heard about his debut in British politics.

He tweeted “I would be happy to lead the people of England.” Subsequently, perhaps after looking on Wikipedia, he added I realize I forgot to mention the people of Scotland and Wales. I will govern you too…and later for the avoidance of doubt, And, of course, Northern Ireland. And you will not call me anything other than Brent.” Change we can believe in…

'Liberal' Tories Shouldn't Be Uniting with Orangemen

There is something cynical about Cameron’s modernised, de-toxified, “we’ve changed” Tories getting into bed with the Northern Irish unionist parties.  By all means stand Conservative and Unionist candidates, but a readiness to do a back room deal with what remains a bigoted and sectarian political force is not something of which to be proud.  They are hardly ideological allies of the progressive, liberalising force in society that the modernised Tories claim to be.

The news that the Orange Order is trying to match-make between the UUP and DUP by convening secret “unity talks” should come as no surprise.  The Orangemen have played off the mainland parties for decades, trading their votes for favours.  If the Tories get outwitted again by the men in orange sashes don’t be surprised…

What's the Big Secret Dave?

Dave had a frank chat with newspaper editors and media big-shots at Davos yesterday.  Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger was one of them.  It was on a strictly off-the-record basis.  Why?

Presumably Dave was speaking honestly in language that he didn’t think the unwashed voters should hear. […]

+ READ MORE +

Exclusive : CCHQ Drops "Cameron's Conservatives"

CCHQ has officially ditched the much mooted idea of putting “David Cameron’s Conservatives” on the ballot paper. The idea was trialled at the disastrous Ealing Southall by-election of 2007 and candidates were speculating as to whether it would be included at the general election.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Suspicious Elvis Seen in Hereford

Picture credit : Nick Vaughan“I’d rather see DC live than Elvis”.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Exclusive : Labour Faked Cameron "Airbrushing"


In response to the last story Guido got a tip-off from Liam Murray to compare the original Tory poster with the Labour attack poster. The before and after comparison is clear: before on the original poster Dave is wearing heavy make-up but you can still see stubble, lines and skin pores, after Labour have manipulated the picture it looks as if he has been very clumsily airbushed.  […]

+ READ MORE +

Spot the Fake Data

One is faked-up character using make-up to appear semi-human, the other is a popular character in Star Trek…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Mandelson and Darling Outflanking Balls, Brown, Cameron and Osborne

Darling has to be given some credit for stating what should be axiomatic “Many departments will have less money in the next few years.. [The cuts] are utterly totally non-negotiable.’ £57 billion in cuts is going to mean that “the next spending review will be the toughest we have had for 20 years”.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Rich & Mark's Monday Morning View

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Public School Match

Marr was ridiculous in a very British right on way this morning.   Andrew Marr (old boy of Loretto, the very posh Scottish boarding school) asked Alastair Darling (another old boy of the £24,000-a-year school) whether it really matters that David Cameron went to a very posh English boarding school?[…]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

George Osborne paraphrases Boris, telling the FT:

“If the ball came loose at the back of the scrum, I wouldn’t fumble it”

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