Dave’s Balls Up in Bavaria

Tory unity has lasted exactly one month, as has Dave The Winner’s honeymoon with the press. Needless to say his EU-turn today and then an arrogant schooling G7 news conference has gone down like a cup of cold sick with the travelling press pack.

The PM’s suggestion that “if you’re not certain about something I said yesterday, then ask”, has gone down particularly badly:

If Cameron 2.0 is so keen on journalists asking questions, perhaps he might like to reinstate those monthly press conferences that he dodged for the last five years?

Blue on Blue: First Shots Fired in EU Row

If Cameron pushed through HRA reform today he would be accused of rushing it by critics. Just as his fast-tracking of the EU referendum bill has irritated others. Here’s Liam Fox accusing No. 10 of not being ‘entirely honourable’:

“Those who are urging him to go for a referendum in 2016, I think, have ulterior motives which are not entirely honourable. I think they want to see a decision made quickly to limit the level of debate in the United Kingdom; I think that they are afraid that if we have a very full debate then some of the real unacceptable issues in Europe at the present time will become all the more clearly seen by the British public.”

After years of demanding a referendum, suddenly on the cusp of one, there is a dawning realisation amongst eurosceptics that they will in all likelihood lose… 

Official: No Move Against Bercow Next Week

The Prime Minister told the 1922 Committee this morning that the government would be re-electing John Bercow when the Commons convenes next week.

Apparently Dave said “I think we’ve got more on our plate than the Speaker”.

Intriguingly, Bercow has more on his plate at the moment too. Namely being cuckolded by his cousin.

Friday Caption Contest (Election Special)

Better late than never… 

Dave’s Personal Jag Follows Tory Battle Bus

Just as his driver used to carry his shoes and briefcase. In his defence, it’s for security reasons…

Dave V Nick Ferrari: PM Teases Cable

The PM just ‘Eoin Clarked’ his Business Secretary and claims the #EdStone is worse than the ‘Quiet Bat People’

“A real doctor…standing against Vice Cable”. Zing…

Dave Reaches for the Props

Dave has a new prop: that Liam Byrne letter.

He waved it about in Wetherby high-street earlier. Local sources say the crowd was “about 60% passers by”. Which almost, almost counts as a walkabout…

Cameron: “Russell Brand is a Joke”

“Russell Brand is a joke. Ed Miliband, to hang out with Russell Brand. He’s a joke.”

At last a politician tough enough to stand up to Russell Brand…

Pump It: Dave Edition

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The Passion of Dave: “That Pumps Me Up!”

Can Dave do passion?

“If I’m getting lively about it it’s because I feel bloody lively about it,” he went on to add.

Little bit Howard Dean…

UPDATE: Here is what the passion looked like inside the room:

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Best Music Video of the Campaign, So Far

Catchy…[…]

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PM: “the Selfie Will Come, the Selfie Will Go”

David “too many tweets make a twat” Cameron has made another bold prediction in an interview with the Spectator:

“The selfie will come, the selfie will go.”

As Guido reported in the Sun last month, the selfie has been a key part of the Cameron premiership:

“So adept are Dave’s selfie skills now that he often takes the phones off those who are too shy or cack-handed and does it for them.”

He tells the Speccie:

‘It is an extraordinary phenomenon,’ he says, ‘and it sometimes makes part of the process of politics quite difficult.

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Eton Ukulele Loon Was Privately Educated

“I didn’t have any eggs and didn’t want to get arrested. I could have shouted but that is boring” says Robin Grey, who hit the headlines this week by serenading the PM with a ukulele and catchy tune about f**king off back to Eton.[…]

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WATCH: Pie Minister’s Eating Tour Goes Global

Coverage of Cameron’s calorie consuming, pie-tastic tour of Britain last week has gone global. John Oliver’s Daily Show spin-off Last Week Tonight is fascinated by the PM trolling Miliband over how to eat in public:

Sun readers will know the real secret behind Dave’s stump eating habits:

Normally conscious of his diet, Cameron has an unflattering cartoon of himself on his fridge at home to stop him snacking. 

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Ashcroft Reaffirms Dave Bio Is Post Election

Boo! There was a growing school of thought that Lord Ashcroft would bring forward publication of has ‘gak and all’ biography of Cameron to this side of the election. Especially after he resigned the Tory whip and his seat in the Lords.[…]

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Boris Lets Slip That Jo Johnson is Still Writing Tory Manifesto Today

Boris has gone violently off message in a speech in the West Country, calling for the government to: “Bring back hunting to Exmoor, whilst always respecting the feelings and indeed the wishes of the animals.” The Western Morning News reports on the Mayor’s visit to Dulverton Town Hall, where he “intrigued the audience with other pre-election promises such as an NHS for animals, making Scrabble an Olympic sport, and a bid to open Britain’s borders to citizens of “Eurozone disaster areas like Italy”, but only if they agreed to help hill farmers at lambing time”:

Number one – abolish VAT on hearing aids.

[…]

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Quote of the Day

Owen Smith backs one hour contracts but wants to abolish zero hours contracts:

“You need to give people a contract to say, ‘here’s what you will be working’. It could be one, but I’m saying it shouldn’t be zero, we should invert that emphasis.”

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