When will they learn that it’s always the cover up that gets you…

£3,750 will more than cover a flight back from Ibiza for Chuka Umunna, where his people refuse to deny he has been for his most awkward week in politics. No rest for the wicked though. The jetrosexual MP for Streatham is at pains to stress he is in the country today, but tomorrow he is scheduled to appear in Denmark. While he is dodging questions about his two-faced past at home, he will be speaking in Copenhagen should any inquisitive type be near by…

For some reason we haven’t seen much of Harrison over the last few days, but perhaps an answer to his plea for some non-trashy night life will be enough to coax him back into public. A new club night in Soho dedicated to polo, live music and champagne has just opened. It’s name? Chukka. Owner Siobhan MaGill reveals all:

“From this comment, it is clear that Chuka has not experienced the wealth of places London has to offer. We are one of the most diverse capitals in the world and certainly have a variety of venues to showcase this. We would therefore love to invite Chuka in to experience Chukka when we launch. We would invite Chuka in to experience our entertainment from the all-singing, all-dancing bar staff whilst he sips on a glass of fizz from London’s first Billecart-Salmon Champagne bar. If this wasn’t enough to get him dancing and to change his mind, we would encourage him to delve into our new equestrian themed fancy dress box.”

An offer he surely can’t refuse…

Londoners have hit back at Streatham snob Chuka “Harrison” Umunna in today’s Standard. Alissia Ricci, 34, insists:

“I think he is wrong. The West End is amazing. I love the restaurants, the bars, the nightclubs. He should go out more and see a few more places.”

Andrea Juganaru, 24, is less than impressed:

“The West End is a very good place to go out. I like everything about it — the clubs, the people and the music. The MP should stick to politics.”

Claire Hankey, 31, asks:

“Doesn’t he realise the money these places bring into the capital? If you are in the know, you know where to go that’s cool.”

In other words, get out more…

Apologising via a spokesperson says it all about two-faced jetrosexual Chuka ‘Harrison’ Umunna. If this were a Tory the response would be outrage, “trash” is arguably more offensive than “pleb” as a class-based insult. Philip Davies sees a touch of the Prime Mentalist about Labour’s Obama-lite poster boy:

“My view is that Chuka perfectly demonstrates how Labour have abandoned their working class roots and have been hijacked by an affluent politically correct elite who not only wouldn’t recognise a member of the working class if they ever met one but actually despise them. This is out of the same stable as Gordon Brown and bigotgate.”

Nadhim Zahawi agrees:

“Chuka, like many Labour MPs before him, loves the glitzy wealthy lifestyle, only in secret! If you’ve worked for it and earned it why would you need to hide it? Or is it because it doesn’t go down well with his anti-enterprise lefty Leader?”

Nigel Adams hits the nail on the head:

“It looks like Chuka has more faces than Armani suits.”

His next public appearance will be one to look out for…

UPDATE: Owen Jones twists the knife:

@PatrickStrud Where did he say that? Unbelievable—
Owen Jones (@OwenJones84) April 05, 2013

Regular Guido readers will be familiar with the theory that Shadow Business Secretary Chuka Umunna is a two faced hypocrite. When the cameras are gone, the former City lawyer is very different from the polished Obama-lite, leader-in-waiting, man-of-the-people image that he tries to cultivate. Well today that image is going to take a mighty dent as Chuka’s 1% past comes crashing down around him. You bet he wishes he was in his Ibiza pad today…

The Labour MP for Streatham used to be a member of the exclusive, invitation only social networking group ASMALLWORLD, nicknamed ‘Myspace for Millionaires’. While cruising for a safe Labour seat between 2006 and ’08 Umunna secretly used his middle name “Harrison” to organise his jet-set life, flitting between Miami and London nightspots with other members like Tiger Woods, Paris Hilton and Quentin Tarantino. Well we always knew he was a champagne socialist, but it gets worse…

In a rant on the site, under his fake name, lamenting how bad London is, the London MP described London as being “full of trash”. Just last year, under his real name, the London MP told the Standard that he could not “envisage myself moving anywhere else.” If he thinks his constituents are trash, he might want to re-think that one…

UPDATE: Jetrosexual Chuka has said sorry via a spokesperson:

“Though his user account on the site still exists, he has not posted a thread on the site for many years, since long before he was elected as a Member of Parliament. In terms of the post from 2006, these were comments made on a private social network well over half a decade ago. Though light-hearted in tone and context, and made long before he became an MP, Chuka accepts the choice of words used were not appropriate and apologises if any offence may have been caused.”

As revealed in yesterday’s Sun column, two-faced Chuka Umunna isn’t so shy about the ‘British Obama’ tag when he’s away from the public eye. When the President visited Ireland in the summer of 2011 he delighted his hosts by telling them of his Moneygall ancestral roots and dubbing himself Barry O’Bama. This year it was Chuka’s turn, speaking to guests at the Labour Irish Society’s St Patrick’s Day shindig of a relative from Sligo. Telling them they could call him Chuka O’Munna may have given the game away…

 His dancing makes it…

Guido was sad to miss two-faced Chuka Umunna dining in a pub popular with the Guy Newsroom team last night. Judging by his choice of meal, the Shadow Business Secretary was putting on his man of the people act, though a co-conspiratorial vintner whispers that the mask slipped and Chuka awkwardly came a cropper with his cutlery:

“He had a burger and a pint of s**t lager. Dropped his knife and waited for someone to pick it up for him. Nobody did of course.”

He does think he’s a cut above the rest, after all…