Monday, February 17, 2014

Chuka’s Afternoon Delight With the Person He Loves the Most
“He Was Doing Weights, Fairly Small Ones” During Work Hours

Vain Chuka Umunna never fails to praise people who work hard ‘all hours of the day and much of the night – to put bread on the table and serve your communities’. So what would they make of his cheeky afternoon sessions in his apartment building’s gym in Streatham while the Commons is sitting? While Parliament was discussing floods last Thursday afternoon Chuka was pumping a little iron: “He was doing weights, fairly small ones” says a witness, “working out when he should be just working.” How many other jobs allow you swan off for the afternoon to go down the gym?

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Chukapedia Gives the Game Away

Chuka Umunna has been telling today’s Lobby lunch how he is not quite a socialist, letting slip that he would rather be called a “democratic socialist”. A phrase he is keen on it seems. The pseudonym famously used by “one of his campaign team” to edit his own Wikipedia page was “Socialdemocrat”.

Delicate flower Chuka has been cryptically moaning to his audience about “certain right-wing blogs who don’t even want to hear my voice”. Not true at all, Guido wants to hear him squeal like a little piggy…

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Chuka Squirms Over Anti-Balls Briefing

Chuka Umunna was confronted on the Daily Politics with allegations that he may have been behind the Economist piece about Labour expanding BIS to neuter the Treasury if Labour make it back into government. Ed Balls will be delighted…

Yesterday Labour Uncut made the link that the author of the piece, one Jeremy Cliffe, who used to work for Chuka. To be fair it’s denials all round:

But fun to watch Chuka squirm.

Video via @liarpoliticians

Monday, December 16, 2013

Chuka’s 50 Shades of Grey Session With Mystery Lady Friend

As Guido reported in yesterday’s Sun, Chuka Umunna has admitted to enjoying a saucy poolside 50 Shades of Grey session with a mystery lady friend. “I was sitting by a pool and one of my friends – who I will not name – she was reading extracts to me,” Chuka says. And he liked it: “I thought it was quite racy.” Bachelor Chuka, who don’t forget dated Luciana Berger, was coy about the identity of his companion, telling intrigued fellow guests during the pre-show ice-breaking: “I’m not saying any more.” Sadly the cameras hadn’t started rolling.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Two-Faced Chuka Falls Out With Own Party, Again

Two-faced Chuka Umunna has managed to make himself even more unpopular with his own party. Emails leaked to Guido reveal that Chuka backed out of a meeting organised by Labour MPs to discuss human rights in Colombia when he refused to agree to their line condemning the situation in the country. He offered the feeble excuse of having to attend a trade union event instead, of all things to present an award for human rights. As one exasperated Labour aide exclaimed to colleagues in the heated email exchange:

“It is just ironic that he cannot agree to a position in opposition to the Colombia Free Trade Agreement on the grounds of Human Rights and cannot meet MPs to talk about this because he is presenting an award at the Human Rights Awards!!”

Chuka taking a tough line on human rights in public and doing the opposite in private? Surely not…

Friday, November 22, 2013

Coke-Snorting Co-op Boss’ Night With Chuka

Rev Flowers has been nicked as Labour’s Co-op embarrassment makes the front pages once again this morning. By far Guido’s favourite story of the day however is this little gem found by the Sun, who have got hold of Facebook messages written by Flowers in which he lusts over a certain party loving Labour frontbencher:

Thank god he didn’t favourite anything on Twitter…

Friday, November 1, 2013

Picture Evidence of Chuka’s No Trash Policy

Monday, August 19, 2013

Rich’s Monday Morning View

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Two Faced Chuka Is Back
Umunna Slams Bookies Then Takes Their Cash

So Labour’s fightback is going well. With Ed Balls still nowhere to be seen, the cost of living campaign has been left in the expert hands of Chris Leslie and now the Standard have whacked Chuka. Despite recently pledging to ‘control the number of betting shops’ in his constituency because of the ‘huge concern that some streets in our area are steadily filling up with betting shops and payday loan companies that take advantage of our community, rather than help us’, the two-faced Shadow Business Secretary has accepted a £20,000 donation from Neil Goulden, the Chairman Emeritus of the Gala Coral Group. Coral have at least two shops in Chuka’s seat…

The Tories have returned to their favourite game, lining up Bob Neill:

“Can anyone really credibly ever believe anything Chuka Umuna says? He says one thing in public and does another behind closed doors. His hypocrisy seems to be limitless. The only thing we know he truly believes is that the capital is full of  “trash” and “c list” wannabes.”

Chuka says it’s all fine because it was a personal donation. Guido looks forward to reading about it in depth on his Wikipedia page…

UPDATE: Goulden is also head of the Association of British Bookmakers, lobbyists for the betting industry, which blows the personal donation line out of the water. Lets home Chuka remembers to declare his interest every time he speaks on the issue now.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Chuka China Junket Fixed By Blairite Cronies

With “close friends” of Tony Blair laying it on thick for Chuka over the weekend, interesting that the Shadow Business Secretary is off on a junket to China tomorrow organised by a group with particularly close links to the former PM. Chuka’s four day trip comes courtesy of Chinese for Labour (CfL), a well-funded organisation that seeks to recruit Chinese Britons to the party, promises access to Labour MPs and offers financial assistance to potential candidates. Manchurian, presumably.

CfL are chaired by Sonny Leong, a publisher who seems to spend his time spinning for the communist Chinese government when he is not personally donating tens of thousands of pounds to the Labour Party. CfL’s patrons include Cherie Blair, David Miliband and former Blair fixer Ian McCartney. On its executive committee sits Lady Katy Tse Blair (right), wife of Tony’s brother Bill. CfL has organised recent trips to China for Blairite Shadow Cabinet ministers Liam Byrne and Douglas Alexander. Worth noting that Blair has earned hundreds of thousands of pounds from his links to the country. He clearly has a soft spot for the Chinese…


Seen Elsewhere

Apple’s Tim Cook: iGay | Techno Guido
Insurgent Parties Plunge Labour Into Crisis | Alex Wickham
Mind-Bending Politics of Drugs | Mark Wallace
PC Worries Prevent Police Protecting Young Girls | Jill Kirby
Miliband Should Win Rochester | Martin Kettle
Thatcher Minister Sir John Nott ‘Voted for UKIP’ | Times
Time to Listen to Drugs Experts | Guardian
Drug Laws Don’t Work | Times
Our Moral Duty to Cut Taxes | David Cameron
Greens Ahead of LibDems | Guardian
Channel 4 to Spoof UKIP Election Win | Guardian


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David Cameron drug policy reformer and leadership contender in 2005…

“Politicians attempt to appeal to the lowest common denominator by posturing with tough policies and calling for crackdown after crackdown. Drugs policy has been failing for decades.”



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