Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Live Like Chuka Umunna at the White House
Only £36,000 for the Summer Holidays!

Click to enlarge

Chuka Umunna is not the only Labour front-bencher to be visiting the White House this summer. For the cheeky sum of £36,000 you can live like the Shadow Business Secretary for a week at Casa Blanca – his family’s villa in Ibiza is available to rent for £1,700-a-week. Unfortunately it is all booked out until September – so Guido will have to wait…

Click above to see inside the ‘spacious, airy’ 3000 square foot San Jose property, which boasts a private pool and is ‘situated within its own 1.5 acre grounds, in an elevated hill-side position. With parking for several cars, the villa is also surrounded by a large, natural pine garden and tiered flowerbeds.’  It’s recommended for a ‘Romantic Getaway’. You too can read “50 Shades of Grey” by the pool with a special friend… all a very long way from his Streatham constituency in south London.

No trashy types please…

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Quote of the Day

Speaking on BBC Hereford and Worcester, Chuka Umunna has some trouble working out where he is:

“I doubt most people on the streets in Hereford and Wichita know what a local enterprise partnership is about”

Monday, June 30, 2014

L’Obama Anglais: “Already A Legend”
Nothing Lost in Translation from Wikipedia

l'obama-anglais

Despite studying for a year at the University of Dijon in France, Chuka Ummuna spent thousands taking a translator on an official trip to Paris. He will view that as money well spent. In an article which will no doubt upset the golden one, the Le Monde newspaper has headlined him as “L’Obama Anglais” – the English Obama – and in a glowing profile says he looks like a Conservative MP wearing “suits custom-made in Savile Row” and “reciting Shakespearean sonnets without accent.” The paper tips Chuka to make it to 10 Downing Street and become Britain’s first black PM, apparently he won’t mind all the teasing from Guido because, according to Le Monde at least, “Chuka Umunna does not care. Already a legend, he longs to write a new page in British history.” A large number of his fellow Labour MPs already think he is more myth than legend.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Chuka Talks Trash About Cyber-Kippers

On the Marr Show this morning Chuka Umunna claimed voters feel disconnected from mainstream politics because they don’t know how to send emails or browse the internet and that “a lot of those voting for Ukip” in the European elections were not computer literate and can’t do things like use email or browse the internet. Note he didn’t say they couldn’t manage to vote in greater numbers than Labour supporters…

Evidence that Chuka is talking trash can be found all over the internet. This is particularly striking:

interactions-2[1]

How does Chuka explain that?

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Chuka Time is Back

It’s been a while, but panic not, it looks like Chuka has added yet another new watch to his already impressive array of giant timekeeping devices:

Lucky Chuka spent last week visiting the White House. The real one this time, rather than his family’s villa in Ibiza that goes by the same name…

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Chuka Umunna Economics 101

Chuka Umunna seemed to have had some difficulty with the basic facts during his interview on the World at One this lunchtime. Somewhat worryingly for a shadow business secretary, Chuka reckons:

“Most of our thirteen years in office we didn’t have a debt, er, a deficit, because we hadn’t had the financial crash.”

Allow Guido to explain slowly. As this handy graph from the Spectator shows, the last government spent more than it was bringing in from 2002 onwards.

defici

Chuka’s claim that Labour did not run a deficit for most of its time in power is patently untrue…

H/T @roxley

Monday, February 17, 2014

Chuka’s Afternoon Delight With the Person He Loves the Most
“He Was Doing Weights, Fairly Small Ones” During Work Hours

Vain Chuka Umunna never fails to praise people who work hard ‘all hours of the day and much of the night – to put bread on the table and serve your communities’. So what would they make of his cheeky afternoon sessions in his apartment building’s gym in Streatham while the Commons is sitting? While Parliament was discussing floods last Thursday afternoon Chuka was pumping a little iron: “He was doing weights, fairly small ones” says a witness, “working out when he should be just working.” How many other jobs allow you swan off for the afternoon to go down the gym?

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Chukapedia Gives the Game Away

Chuka Umunna has been telling today’s Lobby lunch how he is not quite a socialist, letting slip that he would rather be called a “democratic socialist”. A phrase he is keen on it seems. The pseudonym famously used by “one of his campaign team” to edit his own Wikipedia page was “Socialdemocrat”.

Delicate flower Chuka has been cryptically moaning to his audience about “certain right-wing blogs who don’t even want to hear my voice”. Not true at all, Guido wants to hear him squeal like a little piggy…

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Chuka Squirms Over Anti-Balls Briefing

Chuka Umunna was confronted on the Daily Politics with allegations that he may have been behind the Economist piece about Labour expanding BIS to neuter the Treasury if Labour make it back into government. Ed Balls will be delighted…

Yesterday Labour Uncut made the link that the author of the piece, one Jeremy Cliffe, who used to work for Chuka. To be fair it’s denials all round:

But fun to watch Chuka squirm.

Video via @liarpoliticians

Monday, December 16, 2013

Chuka’s 50 Shades of Grey Session With Mystery Lady Friend

As Guido reported in yesterday’s Sun, Chuka Umunna has admitted to enjoying a saucy poolside 50 Shades of Grey session with a mystery lady friend. “I was sitting by a pool and one of my friends – who I will not name – she was reading extracts to me,” Chuka says. And he liked it: “I thought it was quite racy.” Bachelor Chuka, who don’t forget dated Luciana Berger, was coy about the identity of his companion, telling intrigued fellow guests during the pre-show ice-breaking: “I’m not saying any more.” Sadly the cameras hadn’t started rolling.


Seen Elsewhere

UKIP Will Make Miliband PM | Tele
Tories: Ruffley Critics are ‘Minority Feminist Groups’ | Buzzfeed
Harriet Harman Offers Less Than the Living Wage | Owen Bennett
Fallon’s Red Arrow Spin Unravels | Wings Over Scotland
What is the LibDems’ Problem With “The Jews” | Speccie
Image is the Least of Ed’s Worries | Speccie
The Most Politically Cynical Speech I Have Ever Seen | Dan Hodges
Full Sunday Sport Style Guide Email | MediaGuido
What if a Hamas Rocket Hit a BA Plane? | Richard Littlejohn
Sunday Sport Swearing Style Guide | Popbitch
Tory MP’s Love of Astrology | BBC


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New Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond has big ambitions in his first meeting with Benjamin Netanyahu today:

“I came to bring this conflict to an end.”



Christie Malry @fcablog

Ed Miliband does photo oops, not photo ops


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