That is it. Have had enough of this silly rumour that has been going round. It is not true, casts me in a weak light and I will not stand for it anymore. Lawyers will be corresponding with anyone who tells this smear on my good name.

The story goes that some time ago I was working out in the commons gym (got to look my best in pictures after all). I was sprinting on the treadmill. Jack Straw was on the rowing machine just across from me. When, after doing an impressive 5 miles, I jumped off to dab myself off with a towel, Jack is supposed to have shouted across: “Very good Bryant, but now give me 20 press ups.” Always willing to ingratiate myself (he was the foreign secretary), I am supposed to have immediately hit the deck and given him a quick 20 press ups.

It is a lie. I will sue. I did 50 press ups!

I am Chris Bryant!

Ros Taylor has been humiliated, the Guardian has apologised. I am Chris Bryant.

Only the homophobic Iain Dale is resisting apologising. We shall see about that. I’m going to scream at him.

They mocked me when I put my picture on Gaydar (why, oh why I chose those underpants I will never know). They mocked me in the valleys when they found out that I was a Tory at Oxford along with William Hague. Well they’re not mocking me now.

No. I have got Bindmans on to the mockers. Iain Dale (filthy homophobe) he got a letter. He took it down. Ros Taylor at the Guardian, they got a letter and they have taken it down. No, no, no. Who is mocking now? Frightened of me all of them. Nobody is going to write spoof diaries about me and get away with it. I am Chris Bryant.

Guido ran a story yesterday (sourced from a person near to Tom Watson) which listed some of the people he has, by his own admission, embarrassed. It finished up with a claim that he was telling people he would be “back in government” when Gordon got in next summer. The source of that was the third party rather than Guido’s imagination as Tom seems to imply. Guido invited him to refute the story and he has stated unambiguously in writing that “I promise never to return to government.”

Tom also has a go at my friend Iain Dale for making an innocent mistake about Chris Bryant. A mistake that provided Guido with amusement on so many levels. Iain quoted the Sun’s Katherine Bergen who quoted Ros Taylor’s parody of Chris Bryant, not realising that it was satire.

An easy mistake to make because Chris Bryant is beyond satire. Bryant threatened to sue Iain and demanded that his legal bills were paid for sending him a characteristically pompous threatening letter. Iain told him not to be silly and get lost – it was an innocent mistake. Bryant is now sulking.

When Blairite lickspittles like Sion Simon and Chris Bryant with an eye on their future careers shift their allegiances to Brown the trouble is serious. But this is not the tipping point, something is missing. Brown is silent, no cabinet minister has resigned, Blair is looking into the abyss but he has not reached the tipping point.

Guido has been studying the betting markets, looking at the next Chancellor bet, the joint favourites are Ed Balls and Alastair Darling. John Reid’s price looks too long, if he stands against Brown and loses marginally he will have a strong claim to the job. The Alan Johnson price also looks to long for both Chancellor and PM. Alan Johnson seems just more human and normal than the others.