Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Bryant’s Nads Mix Up

Chris Bryant has got his knickers in a twist after Nadine Dorries mistakenly accused him of being a video star:

Nads was delighted to be able to set the record straight when Guido reminded her that she may have been thinking about these snaps, thankfully in still rather than moving form:

As ever Guido is happy to clear up the misunderstanding…

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Labour Claim Dirty Tricks at All-Party Russia Group Election

It’s all kicking off at the election of the chairman of the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Russia this afternoon. Tory John Randall has beaten Labour’s Chris Bryant after a huge scrum at the ballot box. Now Bryant’s backers are claiming the Tories tried to stitch up the vote. Labour MP Stephen Doughty tells Guido:

“It was chaotic. The room was absolutely packed with a line out of the door when Claire Perry starting saying “I’m shutting the door, I’m locking the door.” She was standing in front of the door and blocking people from going in. There were a lot of Tory whips there. I asked her on what authority she was doing it – the door was bulging. Eventually she gave up.”

Defeated Bryant described it as a “positively Russian style election” and shadow foreign affairs minister Ian Lucas claims “Tory Cabinet Ministers [were] trying to stop Chris Bryant from being Chair of APPG on Russia”A coup worthy of Khrushchev’s fall from the Politburo?

UPDATE: A Randall supporter insists it was “just a major whipping organisation by some Tory backbenchers.”

Monday, October 14, 2013

SKETCH: Reverse Ferrets Running Labour Welfare Policy

More than one debutante appeared in the Commons at question time for the glamour department that Work and Pensions has become.

Tory TV star Esther McVey moved into a new spotlight. Confident, fluent, blonde. Did I say blonde? I meant attra- I meant professional.

Mike Penning, the person more responsible than anyone for IDS’ disastrous election as Tory leader is now his disability minister. That needs no comment, at least.

For Labour, Chris Bryant, something of a cult, has been reprogrammed and is promoting the opposite of devoutly-held pieties he previously professed. He is steadily on course to be one of the Commons’ Nearly Men.

And then Rachel Reeves, cruelly characterised by the BBC-left as “boring-snoring”, set out to put new life into her career.

She is often “tipped to be the next leader of the Labour party”. But the tipsters are Tory optimists looking for someone less inspirational, engaging, in-touch, life-enhancing than the toothsome incumbent. She is a rare candidate.

Hair and makeup – a success. The voice – yet to succeed. Personality – platform announcement.

“We apologise for the delayed arrival of the policy on platform 1. This was due to delays. The policy is in reverse formation. Tory coaches are at the back of the train. We apologise for any inconvenience to your voting intentions.”

IDS suggests that Labour’s new approach to welfare is a horlicks of false intentions and bad faith. Reeves and Bryant say they will out-tough the Tories but have voted against every measure to save a cent.

Frank Field asked how many permanent secretaries IDS would get through before his insane computer program finally crashes/burns/turns into a black hole and sucks the universe in. “It will be on time and within budget,” IDS claimed, heroically. And then demanded an apology for £26bn of failed Labour IT projects.

There is a lesson in there, truth to tell.

It is absolutely inconceivable that he or anyone else can deliver a real-time computer system to track Britain’s beneficiaries. Luckily it’s due in 2017, beyond the political event horizon.

Dangerous statistic: “600,000 unemployed eastern Europeans”. IDS refused to endorse the figure saying it included non-working-age migrants.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Cruel Indy Lampoon Bryant’s Day With Spoof Diary

In 2006 the Guardian ran the following apology:

On September 25 – 28 2006 Guardian Unlimited published four articles entitled “Chris Bryant’s Manchester Diary”. They were spoof diaries and were meant to be lighthearted and humorous. We had believed that the content and line at the end of the articles, “Chris Bryant was speaking to Ros Taylor”, were sufficient indicators. However, Chris Bryant has informed us that some people took them seriously, which we regret. Mr Bryant himself had no involvement at all in writing the diaries and we accept that the content of the diaries was not an accurate reflection of his views. We apologise to Mr Bryant.

You would have though some the Indy would not repeat the same mistake, yet today’s spoof Chris Bryant diary makes for comic reading:

8.05am Stuck in the box/radio studio just off the hallway at 4 Millbank doing Today with Evan Davies (with whom I was at university). He’s quite rufty tufty… 

9.30am Arrive at the Local Government Association, text in hand, to deliver what I hope is a cogent, reflective argument about how we can make immigration work better for everyone.

It all seems to go fine. 

11.15am Back in my office. My inbox is inundated with emails from people agreeing with me…

“Rufty tufty” has to be the best euphemism Guido has heard in a while.

Monday, August 12, 2013

WATCH: Chris Bryant claims “I was Always Going to Say Essex”

Rivers of Blunder: Chris Bryant’s Today Implosion

Last week Chris Bryant claimed the Home Office “can’t even get the basics right, stumbling from one shambles to another”, this morning it is safe to say that he has been taught a valuable lesson about throwing the grenade after you’ve pulled the pin out:

Imagine the storm that Labour would have whipped up had a Tory minister confused two counties in the north. Home Office sources are enjoying proceedings: “We hope there isn’t a reshuffle as we’d like to keep him.” There is a fair point somewhere in what Bryant was trying to say, but surely if you are moaning about EU migration the answer is to vote UKIP rather than Labour?

UPDATE: Bryant’s attempts to diffuse the situation did not go very well either:

“So, err, good luck!”

Videos via @TheLeftards, The Spectator

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Imagine If Bryant Were Still a Tory

Chris Bryant caused a stir on Newsnight last night with a clumsy comment on immigration. Perhaps he was harking back to his days as a member of the Oxford University Conservative Association:

“It would be nice sometimes when you go into a British hotel if the receptionist was British.”

One might have thought Bryant would choose his words more carefully given the vigour with which he jumps on “offensive” comments from his opponents, such as  “pantomime dames”. Imagine the enormous hoo-haa Labour would be kicking up right now if Bryant were still a Tory…

Vid via @liarpoliticians

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Why is Bryant So Worried About Saddam Pants Picture?

bryant-saddam-pants

Last night during the Leveson debate Chris Bryant brought up the issue of how did Murdoch’s New York Post and Sun newspapers obtain the famous picture of Saddam in his pants?

Clearly they paid someone a bung. Is it evidence of systemic corruption? Not really, it was opportunistic and reputedly cost about as much as Bryant gets paid for his Indy column. Is Chris Bryant, a public servant, corrupted by being in the pay of an ex-KGB media mogul? Of course not. Is the prison guard, a public servant, any more corrupted being in the pay of a different media mogul?

Perhaps he has another motivation for feeling so much sympathy for a fellow politician humiliated in his underpants? Well, Chris?

Friday, November 23, 2012

Rifkind Resigns Over Naked Bryant Photo Row

Sir Malcolm Rifkind has quit his position as president of Conservative Friends of Russia after the group got into hot-water for accompanying a story about Bryant with that photo. Chairman Richard Royal has apologised after his spat with Bryant last night made it into the Telegraph. Quite where Bryant got the homophobia idea of from aside, it was a PR own goal from the group.

Guido notes that Bryant has yet to address the original accusations though, so what is going on with the All Party Parliamentary Group for Russia?

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Revealed: How MPs are Rent-Swapping

Another batch of politicians, another expenses scandal. This morning’s Telegraph reveals that John Bercow is attempting under the cover of “security reasons” to cover-up the publication of another round explosive expenses documents that would expose a property merry-go-round between rent-swapping MPs.

Here Guido gives the “How-To” low-down on how sleazy MPs are swapping their rent to line their own pockets:

The first and most simple method of rent-swapping involves the MPs who make money renting out their own previously taxpayer-funded properties while claiming expenses to rent out homes nearby. According to The Telegraph Chris Bryant rents out his mansion flat in Bloomsbury while claiming £2,000 expenses for rent on another London property. We have repeatedly asked him for an explanation this morning without receiving any reply. The Speaker claims the truth cannot be released because it would pose a security risk. Laughable, Guido and anyone else who wants to know, already knows where he lives.

The second, far more serious, category of rent-swapping covers a handful of MPs suspected of renting out properties to each other, effectively an “I’ll pay yours if you pay mine” scheme. MPs are banned from renting homes to relatives but a loophole in the rules allows them to trouser huge sums of money by renting out properties to other current and former MPs. Bercow cites security reasons for not revealing the address or names of landlords, but there is absolutely no reason why he cannot release the names of the MPs involved in this form of rent-swapping. It is a cover up.

There is also potentially a third category: the so-called “phantom” rent swap. This involves the possibility of MPs telling the authorities they have moved when in reality they have not, and then swapping their rent on the quiet.

If these people were claiming housing benefit “Rent Swapping” like this would fall into the category of benefit fraud plain and simple, it is in the parlance of welfare fraud investigators a “contrived tenancy” punishable by up to 10 years imprisonment.

Stay tuned. There is more to come…


Seen Elsewhere

Revealed: Guido Fawkes Anniversary Dinner Guestlist | Peter Oborne
More Owen Jones Errors | Michael Ezra
Why Should Men Get Equal Maternity Leave? | Laura Keynes
Dentists Have Last Laugh Over Sneering Keynes | FT
Why’s Clegg Giving Men Paternity Leave? | Conservative Women
Cam Cannot Stem EU Immigration | David Keighley
9 Mansion Tax Questions for Ed Balls | TPA
Politicians are Lying to You About Immigration | Alex Wickham
Give Journalists Public Interest Defence in Law | Guardian
Cameron is Going to Have to Deal With UKIP | Dan Hodges
Opinions on Key Issues By Constituency | Red Box


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Chris Bryant talks to the Times Diary about a famous gay actor:

“I don’t think I’ve had sex with him. He says we had sex in Clapham. I’m fairly certain I’ve never had sex south of the river”



Progressive Inclusion Champion says:

Great to hear Carswell call for inclusive policies and that UKIP must stand for first and second generation immigrants as much as the English.


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